[Quantum_Leap]

...if you're holding your baby and rocking him while he cries?

Beau has been crying himself to sleep for every nap and bed for the last three days. It's not because I believe in CIO (I don't, at all), it's because I don't know how to make him stop crying!!! I'm at my wit's end. He cries if I try to lay him down by himself -- he always has, since birth, so I haven't even really bothered to try that. It used to be that I could nurse him to sleep, but now he'll only nurse for a few minutes and then pull off still just as wide awake as before. So, that's not working. So, I'm left with holding him and pacing/rocking him until he falls asleep. But he cries in every single possible position I try to hold him in. Not just cries, but thrashes and arches his back and practically tries to do backflips out of my arms. And he is STRONG! It's sometimes all I can do to keep him from throwing himself out of my arms and onto the ground. It feels like I'm not just having to put him to sleep, I'm having to wrestle him to sleep.

What's killing me is, we have an ayi (a nanny) who stays with the kids during the day, and I've watched her put Beau to sleep. For her it's no effort at all. She just holds him in her arms, rocks him and sings him this song in Chinese, and he's out in about 30 seconds! No crying, no fighting. I'm in awe as to how she does it. DH says that she must have just trained him that that's the position for falling asleep, and that she probably did it just by holding him in that one position (and no other position), no matter how much he cried, until he fall asleep. She's done it so many times now that he just knows when she holds him like that it's the cue to go to sleep, so he does. DH says that I need to do the same. He says "it doesn't count as CIO if you're holding the baby while he cries." I don't know if I agree with that or not, but I do know that by default we're doing CIO right now, anyway, because I have no absolutely no ability to make my son stop crying no matter what I do.

What do the rest of you think about this? Usually, when I'm rocking Beau and he starts crying more and more, I try to shift him to a different position where he will cry less. Maybe all of this shifting around is actually just keeping him awake? Maybe I should do what DH suggests and just hold him in one spot only? (It will be tough to do, though, since like I said he fights it, and he's got some strength).

Help!

P.S. Sorry for posting on this board when I haven't often before. I'm at my wit's end about this, and our PR is dead.

[joonzgurl]

Poor little baby! I do recall reading there there is nothing wrong with a baby crying so long as they are in their parents arms. It is not as much of a stressful situation for them as being all alone and not as much of the stress hormone is released. I am pretty sure I read that in a Dr. Sears book or something.

Could he be teething perhaps and the nursing is causing pain?

Just keep at it mama, I am sure you will find something that works for you. Does he have a nap routine? I'd start one and keep it the same every single time- so that becomes his cue that sleep is to follow in a week or two. For us the routine is simple, lay her on my bed, close the curtains, wash her hands and face with a warm wash cloth, and then we nurse to sleep. (just an example for you).

Make sure you come back and let us know how it goes!

[*Bobbie*]

Babies cry. Holding him while he cries is in NO way CIO. Shutting him in a room and walking far enough away so you can't hear him is CIO. I am sorry you are having a hard time right now. It's a phase and you will both figure it out together maybe he is too tired? Maybe he wants to put himself to sleep? My youngest was like that. He wanted to be alone in his pack and play. I just let him fuss a little to see what he would do. If he started really crying I would hold him instead. 99% of the time he fussed for about 2 minutes and fell asleep. Just keep trying things until you find what works. Good luck!

[Cruiser]

I read a really interesting article lately, that I can't find now of course, but it was talking about how a baby NEEDS to cry to release stress. It's very different to let a baby cry alone versus cry in your arms. I would certainly not consider what you're doing to be CIO.

This article also went on to say how in North America, we seem to always take things to the extreme - either we let babies cry it out for however long they need, or we freak out and do everything in our power to make them STOP crying, when it's really a normal thing for babies to cry. I mean of course nobody wants their baby to cry, it was just saying that if they are clean, fed, dry and comfy, sometimes they actually have a need to cry, and that's ok. Just be with them and hold them and love them!

[..Penelope..]

That is def not CIO! L went through a phase where he cried at every single nap time and bed time.

I hope you find something that works for you guys soon!

[*Jennifer*]

Definitely not CIO. CIO is to get a baby to self-soothe. You are still doing the soothing. His crying may have nothing to do with going to sleep.

[alwayssmile]

Ugh. Stupid internet ate my response.

But yes, holding your baby is NOT CIO. Babies just cry sometimes. There were many, many times in the early weeks where I just held DS. I had already gone through my check list by that point.

And even if you do everything exactly like your nanny, there's no guarantee he'd sleep for you like he does for her. DH used to hold DS up at his shoulder and Ds would quite down and sleep. I'd do the exact same thing and got a baby that cried harder. *sigh* Eventually I found what worked for us (reading books while rocking) and stuck with it.

[Jule'sMomInOR]

When my DD was little, the only way to get her to sleep without screaming was to either do deep knee squats and bounce in a specific way. Later, I learned to use the exercise ball because it was less tiring. The exercise ball saved me. Our nanny still uses it. I have to nurse Juliana to sleep but DH walks her around, and our nanny bounces on the ball. Different things work for different people. You just have to figure out what works. Hang in there!

[brightmommy]

Definitely not CIO! You are still comforting him, even if it doesn't seem to be working. I saw someone else had posted a while back on another board that they had to let their little one lay down and cry by themselves for a couple of minutes before they were ready to be picked back up and comforted. I think it worked for her.

[Quantum_Leap]

Originally Posted by Jule'sMomInOR

When my DD was little, the only way to get her to sleep without screaming was to either do deep knee squats and bounce in a specific way. Later, I learned to use the exercise ball because it was less tiring. The exercise ball saved me. Our nanny still uses it. I have to nurse Juliana to sleep but DH walks her around, and our nanny bounces on the ball. Different things work for different people. You just have to figure out what works. Hang in there!

That's exactly what we've been having to do! Not deep knee squats, but practically leaning over backwards like we're doing the limbo, holding Beau over one shoulder and sort of propping his butt up in the air. It's the only position that he sort of semi-seems to tolerate. But it's incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, and it makes me feel like I'm going to drop in.

Well, Beau did have a better day today. Very little crying at all. (It seems like that always seems to happen the day after I finally get frustrated enough to post something like this!) So maybe we're on our way out of this phase. Here's hoping,, anyway!

[Jule'sMomInOR]

Originally Posted by Quantum_Leap

That's exactly what we've been having to do! Not deep knee squats, but practically leaning over backwards like we're doing the limbo, holding Beau over one shoulder and sort of propping his butt up in the air. It's the only position that he sort of semi-seems to tolerate. But it's incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, and it makes me feel like I'm going to drop in.

Well, Beau did have a better day today. Very little crying at all. (It seems like that always seems to happen the day after I finally get frustrated enough to post something like this!) So maybe we're on our way out of this phase. Here's hoping,, anyway!

Get an exercise ball! It's so much easier and it's like $10 from Target.

Also, babies can pick up on our anxiety. Maybe just try to relax, even though it's easier said than done.

Yay for improvement!

[navywifey2003]

I agree with the other ladies it certainly does not count. Huge hugs! I hope it gets easier!

[hollywoodma]

Maybe he's not sleepy? When my daughter thrashes and tries to get away its usually because she is not ready to go to sleep. I will usually just put her down and let her do whatever she wants for like half an hour maybe an hour and then try again to put her to sleep.

I also don't think its cio. It would be in my opinion, if you knew exactly why he was crying but you where not responding to him. Like if you knew he wanted to nurse but let him cry because you didn't want to nurse him.

[HippyMomOf4]

I agree its not CIO, there are night Korbin fights his sleep and DH will rock him and he will cry for about 10 min off and on.

[TheOnlyPink]

Most definitely not cio!

someone explained it to me like this once. Imagine you are really upset about something. You go to your husband/partner and you are crying. he holds you, strokes your hair, kisses you and tells you everything will be alright.
Now imagine you go to him and he tells you he doesnt want to hear you crying right now and he puts you into a different room and leaves you there.

So even if you are really upset about something, the fact that someone is there to comfort you and love you makes it a lot less stressful and when you stop crying and being upset, you will feel love, trust and respect for your husband/partner.
Its pretty much the same thing for babies!

Hope that helps a bit hun, you are doing great!

[Mom 2 Alayna N Hayden]

I've never posted here, but your story sounds like what happened with my son and I. Between 4-7 months old, we spent nearly 2 hours each night trying to get him to sleep, by rocking, bouncing, (anything) while holding him and he would just SCREAM and thrash. I can't begin to tell you how many bruises I had those months. He was a very strong baby. Nothing worked. Nothing. Finally, I got to my wits end and tried putting him into his bed with a very tight swaddle. He cried for less than 2 minutes and was OUT. Out out out. It was like the entire 3 months of torture (for us both) was just him trying to tell me to leave him alone! Since that one night, he has never needed my help falling to sleep. All he needed was a tight swaddle and a quiet, empty room. He turns 3 in 10 days and has still never needed any help falling to sleep, and never wakes up in the night.

Anyways, that's what worked for me.

[Fluga]

Originally Posted by brightmommy

Definitely not CIO! You are still comforting him, even if it doesn't seem to be working. I saw someone else had posted a while back on another board that they had to let their little one lay down and cry by themselves for a couple of minutes before they were ready to be picked back up and comforted. I think it worked for her.

I used to need to have my older daughter cry before getting her to sleep. She would be fussing and after a while of that she'd start to get upset and only then could I nurse her to sleep. Trying to put her to sleep while she was still fussing/crying got us nowhere.

Crying in arms is like previous posters have said a completely different thing than crying it out.