[ashj_1218]

Kieran has been really needy lately and even though I don't generally go places, I was excited to go to my church group meeting (don't let the church part fool you, it is basically social hour!) tonight. They generally last 2-3 hours. So I pumped some milk (12 oz to be exact, just in case) and left at 6:50. The host house was a solid 20 minutes away, which I knew but figured everything would be fine. The boys were just here with DH. And he is good about the attachment parenting stuff and figuring things out.

But he texted me at 8:30 that Kieran wouldn't stop crying and wouldn't take the bottle at all and I needed to come home. I am heartbroken that my baby was upset for a half hour before I could get here. Thankfully DH was trying things to calm him down (taking him outside, pacing, rocking, singing)...but he was still screaming for 30 minutes. And only because I was selfish and wanted to get out for an evening without kids. I feel like I screwed up. When I got home, he calmed down immediately and nursed just fine. He went to bed without incident and now it is just me who is having the issue. I am so upset that I put my baby through that.

Even DH couldn't understand why I was so upset about it. But I have been working to cultivate this awesome bonded relationship where I respond to his needs and can anticipate what he going to want...and then I just go and leave and he ends up screaming for food and comfort until he almost cries himself to sleep. It just made me sad. Thanks for letting me vent. I am sure it will not seem so traumatic in the morning when he is back to all smiles and has all he needs right here.

[alwayssmile]

((hugs))

He WILL be okay from these types of nights. When DS got like that I felt that it was mainly from his routine being messed up rather than it actually being ME.

Last summer DH was gone and I drove the 15 hours home to my parents alone with DS. I NEEDED to get time away from DS at that point. I attended a close friend's wedding and was gone for 7 hours. I definitely missed him, but being my old self for one evening was wonderful. I told my parents that if they're truly concerned to call me but otherwise not to tell me because I HAD to get out for my sanity that night. They told me later in the trip how the night went though (sigh lol). As soon as they started doing what *I* would do (minus the boob), he settled down ( lots of reading and they did do some cosleeping which normally I'd be against for grandparents doing but hey it worked). Also, DS refused the bottle that night, but they put the pumped milk in a sippy cup that we had just started practicing with and he took just enough milk to not be hungry that way. Every time I started to feel bad about not being there and him being upset, I just remembered how great it felt to have one night away with my old friends. It truly gave me a burst of energy to keep going as a temporary single parent. I never noticed a change in DS and my relationship.

[mgm78]

((((hugs)))) you are not awful. A mom who does nothing but tend to her child(ren) 24/7 is not the best mom in the world, a mom needs her own outlets and own space and to take care of herself. This is a very hard thing for us AP moms to come to terms with and I still struggle with doing things for myself, as i get a lot of guilt. One day my friend asked me to get a pedicure with her, i have not had one in TEN years! It would have caused me to have DH pick DD up at preschool and me home about 20 minutes after they got home. I did not really relax and enjoy myself and rushed home THis was like a few weeks ago too. I think part of the problem is DH was not going to get DD and let me pick her up late (which she would have freaked out). I think it is good for your DH to bond with baby as well and have the baby realize dad can provide care and protection and love as well.

[*Jennifer*]

HUGS - You are not awful. You wanted some adult time. You didn't dump your baby off with an irresponsible person. You left your son with his daddy which is essential to bonding time.

[joonzgurl]

You are not a bad mommy! Every mom needs some time for herself in order to re-charge those batteries. Don't beat yourself up! I also read that babies don't have good long term memories until about 6 months if that makes you feel any better.

[Valerie.]

Originally Posted by *Jennifer*

HUGS - You are not awful. You wanted some adult time. You didn't dump your baby off with an irresponsible person. You left your son with his daddy which is essential to bonding time.

This. And it's not like you knew how he was going to react.