[ashj_1218]

I am wondering if any mamas on here have regrets about how they handled a previous situation. How do you deal with it? Are you having issues letting it go? Any suggestions on lessening the guilt?

******************

I seem to have some issues with just letting it be. I feel like I made a huge mistake with Liam by letting him CIO (modified sleep training, but still letting him cry) at 10 months. It literally makes me feel guilty nearly daily. I just did not know. I was not on this website, I had never heard of attachment parenting, I had no idea that it was pretty normal/common for babies that age to still be waking (you would never have known it based on the pressure I was getting to get him to sleep thru from other people). I just could not physically or emotionally handle how often he was waking anymore and just figured it was the "only way" to get him to sleep. I was getting no support for the wakings and nothing but pressure to get him to sleep (from DH, from my parents, from my mommy friends). So I did it and now I hate that I made him go through that.

He does not seem emotionally damaged for it. I mean, he is happy, well adjusted, and sleeps pretty well now. And he is a pretty smart little kid, although who knows how many brain cells I supposedly killed by letting him cry. I mean, I am grateful I know better now, but I still can't help feeling super guilty for making him stress about it. And hearing on a regular basis how horrible it is for the child certainly doesn't help matters (not that I wouldn't want to know, it just makes me feel worse for it).

So anyway...I gotta figure out some way to stop ruminating on it and just move forward. I just feel it was my biggest mistake thus far (although I am sure there will be more) and I should have known better and followed my gut. I guess I live and learn.

[blondie-lox]

Ugh, yes. I was forced to sleep train my oldest when she was 3 months (complete with CIO). I was 19, uneducated on parenting and was told repeatedly by numerous people to let her CIO. I remember my poor baby girl SCREAMING in her crib for HOURS while my mom and friend literally HELD me BACK from comforting her while I sobbed too. I shudder thinking about it. It worked but I still hate how much I was pressured by outside sources with her.

[joonzgurl]

Originally Posted by ashj_1218

I am wondering if any mamas on here have regrets about how they handled a previous situation. How do you deal with it? Are you having issues letting it go? Any suggestions on lessening the guilt?

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I remember you mentioning this in a previous post. Everyone has regrets in life, in parenting, in their relationships, and i think the only way to get past this is to just do your best to move on and forget it happened.

My suggestion to move on would be to write a letter to your son. Save it for him for one day when he is an adult, or stick it in your sock drawer forever, or just write it and throw it away. But, it might help you emotionally to get those feelings out and express them to your son, even if just on paper. Hugs mama!

Originally Posted by blondie-lox

I remember my poor baby girl SCREAMING in her crib for HOURS while my mom and friend literally HELD me BACK from comforting her while I sobbed too. I shudder thinking about it. It worked but I still hate how much I was pressured by outside sources with her.

:-( That sounds so awful, I'm sorry you had to go through that.

[Jule'sMomInOR]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. There is no point in dwelling about the past. If your DS is happy and well-adjusted, I don't think you did any harm. The fact that you're so worried about it means that you're obviously a good and caring mom. I like the idea of writing the letter.

[stargatemommy]

I have huge regret about giving into the CIO pressures when my baby was 7 months. I let him cry for an hour (going in and patting his back every 10 minutes) he ended up puking all over everything. I felt HORRIBLE! I swear his sleep issue now are still based on his fear that I will leave him crying again. I don't think I will ever truly forgive myself.

[alwayssmile]

((hugs)) Remember a lot of us are products of CIO and we're okay.

I really regret not giving my OB the middle finger and driving the 2.5 hours to a city that would let me go more than 10 days "overdue." My body wasn't ready for induction and I ended up with a c/s as a result. (We were living on a military base, so an unassisted home birth was not an option.) No one in the **** city would take me as a patient and I was basically told to induce at 10 days past or I'd be completely on my own (and of course the oh so popular dead baby card). I have no doubt this affected DS and my relationship. I didn't see him for 2 hours. I laid in recovery without any knowledge of how big he was or anything about him. Not even a nurse would talk to me. It was an awful experience that really hindered the early weeks. I'm still not over it. If I had only said FU.

[*Jennifer*]

I regret letting people come over whenever they wanted to see Billy when he was a baby. I did not put my foot down and I believe it is one of the reasons it is so hard to get him on a schedule. My even bigger regret is that I did not consider my husband's feelings or wants when it came to the 1st year of our son's life. I would just get up and take the baby out, not taking into consideration that hubby would want to see his son when he woke up. My number one regret that I will never forgive myself for is spending the night at my parents' home Billy's first Xmas eve. All I could think about was sleep for myself and hubby. I should've been thinking about us being together as a family our 1st xmas morning. There is nothing that will change my guilt about that. We will never have a 1st Christmas morning again.

[Anna2ds]

I regret that I didn't nurse my middle child longer. I thought formula would be easier. But it just made it harder for me to soothe him and he had a very hard time going to sleep.
I try not to dwell on it because there is nothing I can do about it now, but I do feel bad about it.

[Purrrrrrr]

I'm with Jennifer on the visitors thing. My in-laws basically barged their way into my home on the pretense of helping with the baby. They were supposed to come up two weeks after I delivered and my husband went back to work, but ended up coming up for the weekend of my delivery (a weekend I should have spent taking care of last minute things with the house, but instead ended up cleaning up after them for two days straight). Then immediately after the baby was born, they inexplicably left and went home... but they came back a few days later. First thing out of my MIL's mouth, "Well you look better than I saw you the last time, you know, after you delivered and all." I was in labor 22 hours, lady. How do you think I should look?!

Anyway, I again spent the next week and a half picking up after them rather than spending time with the baby. I swear, they used every single utensil and dish in my house daily. They kept offering to give him bottles and I let them because I was beyond exhausted. I think this is why my milk supply is so shaky now. I barely held him because my FIL (who, to his credit, did change a lot of diapees while he was here) kept holding him. It got to the point where I called my college roommate and begged her to come help me, so she drove 6 hours down to fend them off for me since my husband was working non-stop.

Never again. No visitors (house guests, rather) for at least 3 weeks. If they wanna come see my next one whenever that may be, they can stay in a hotel and give us our space.

[ashj_1218]

As much as I hate that we all have regrets, it is nice to know I am not alone in my feelings. It is so hard to have to make hard choices and then look back on them with less-than-positive feelings.

I like the idea of writing a letter too. I am going to do it. I dunno what I will do with it...but I will keep it for a while and see if it does make me feel a little better.

Thanks ladies.