[JustLiz]

Hi everyone!

My name is Liz and I usually post in the breastfeeding forum. I'm not sure I have a defined parenting style, but I see a lot of the BFing mommies in here, so I guess I probably fit here more than anywhere else. DS is my first child and he will be one year on 2/23. He seems to be hitting the toddler stage a little early, and I guess I just wasn't prepared yet. He has recently developed a little bit of a temper. He will throw himself down on the floor and cry if I take something away from him (usually because he's doing something dangerous, like eating magazine pages or grabbing electrical wires). He also throws food or cups and bottles on the floor when he is not hungry. How do you deal with disruptive behaviors in a child that can't talk yet? I try to be consistent with telling him "no" firmly, but honestly sometimes I can't help laughing at him, and recently I've been very sick, so I've gotten a little impatient at times. I guess I really know that the answer is just to keep saying no consistently, but it's so much harder than it sounds!!

[Jule'sMomInOR]

Well, ideally you would not have to say "no" because he would be in a "yes" space. That means not having access to electrical wires or anything dangerous that could hurt him. The magazines should ideally but put up where he can't reach them.

Throwing cups and food on the floor is very normal for that age. I don't think there's much you can do for discipline at under a year. My DD is 18 months old and we have only recently begun making her get out of her high chair when she throws food on the floor from it.

Dr. Sears has a book called "The Discipline Book" that sounds like it may be helpful.

Also, when my DD gets frustrated and starts to throw a tantrum, I've found one way to help diffuse the situation is to empathize with her. For example, "I know you wanted that." or "I know it's hard to share." Check out a book or the video "Happiest Toddler on the Block".

[JustLiz]

I guess I should have clarified. Yes, we do have a babyproofed home, but I can't keep him in spaces like that 100% of the time. We were recently at my Mom's for a few days and although she tried to put things away, her house is not set up for baby.

I guess I'm having trouble understanding how to explain things to a pre-lingual child. He doesn't really respond to me trying to empathize with him because I'm pretty sure he doesn't understand what I'm saying, although I try to convey it with tone of voice.

I'm also ok with him playing with his food a little at home, but I don't want us to be confined to our own house all the time, and I want to be able to feed him other places. I can't have him throwing food around in other people's homes. Any suggestions?

[mgm78]

redirection is probably your best bet. i would check out Dr Sear's book.

[ashj_1218]

I actually would venture to say that he does understand you...but at this age, they often just don't know how to change what they are doing or make better choices. They are so driven by experimentation and discovery that you saying "Desmond, magazines are not for eating" or "We drink from our cup, not throw it on the floor" holds so much less fun than finding out what will happen when he pitches that contraption on the floor and it makes a great big noise and people look at him and he sees some juice fly out all at the same time. Know what I mean?

I def think that redirection is the way to go. I would still tell him what/why you are doing. "Desmond, Mommy is taking these magazines away because they are not for eating and you can choke on them." That will at least start the conversation you can have later about why you don't do certain things. But at this age, it is just about finding something else he can do that is safe and almost as much fun. When he gets a little older he will figure out how to temper his behavior and you will see him making choices about things (my 2-year-old has recently started and it is nice to see all that explaining and talking when he was a baby paying off). But for now, you are best to validate (I know those magazines are fun to chew) and find a suitable alternative (This teething ring is fun to chew as well and you can't hurt yourself on it). It sounds like a mumbo-jumbo at first, but you will actually find yourself doing it subconsciously. And it works better for some kids than others. As for the temper tantrums...get used to them They are gonna get so much worse! Lol. I know that is not what you want to hear. But they really will. Just make sure he is safe and knows you understand his anger. But they will be around for a while yet.

[JustLiz]

Thanks mamas! I think I just needed to vent a little. He was so much better today. I guess they just have good days and bad days. He used to be very redirectable, but these days he seems to get fixated on the one thing I don't want him to have, and he will throw other toys I try to give him to distract him with. It's frustrating, especially when I don't feel good. But, I guess that's just what being a mama is like!