[Jule'sMomInOR]

I remember in the earlier days of my PR, a lot of moms would talk about how they didn't do CIO but they did do self-soothing. Can someone please explain this concept to me? Is that just where the baby fusses for a minute or two and then falls asleep?

Juliana was never a self-soothing type of baby. If I didn't get to her within about 10 seconds, her fussing would escalate to all out wailing, "I'm being abandoned by my parents and I'm terrified" type of cries. Then it would take 10 minutes just to calm her down. I don't think any type of self-soothing plan would have worked for her, at least in the first 16 or 17 months. Now sometimes I wait a little bit to see if she'll go back to sleep but not very long because I don't want her to wake up DH, so still only about 10 or 15 seconds.

Do you allow your baby to "self-sooth" for any period of time before comforting him/her? Do you think it depends on the baby's personality whether this type of care will work? Do you think it helped him/her sleep better to learn how to self-soothe?

[ashj_1218]

There is a difference and I think it does depend on the personality of the kid. Liam was like julianna and ANY time we let him fuss it escalated into awful screeches in less than 10 seconds. Hence him never really getting any "self soothing." however, kieran is not like that at all. He will fuss and it has only been once or twice he went into all out full-scale crying. Once I was in the shower and he woke up unhappy. And another when DH had him and I was out (horrible night). He is not really a crier when he needs something. So, yes, I will let him fuss for a couple seconds here and there. Just in the normal course of the day I can't get to him right away all the time. He doesn't do it to go to sleep, but has once or twice in the past when he was just overtired and I needed a minute to regroup (nd he fell out in that minute). I can't really say if it helped with his sleeping. He does sleep better than Liam, but is all around an easier kid. Except this week I do think it is okay to let kids fuss here and there. But I don't do it purposefully, if that makes sense. It is more just me not being able to attend to him in that moment. Liam STILL has a tendency to wind up quicker than kieran. I see it as a difference in the easy versus high needs kids.

[joonzgurl]

I think it's mostly letting the baby fuss, and only going when you hear an "I need you now" type cry. "Fussing it out" vs. "crying it out" I think.

Do I let my baby self soothe? Honestly, not really. I go to her as soon as she calls. I try to get to her before she fully wakes and is still drowsy. It's easier that way. Even when she is just waking up from a nap (still only taking short cat naps) I go right away because I try to put her back to sleep. I have that luxury I guess becuase its just me and her. Next thing you know I will have an impatient, demanding 2 year old!

I think a lot of it would be personality. Honestly though with my baby, I am just afraid to try!

[TheOnlyPink]

I have conflicting ideas on this self soothing thing.

On the one hand, its perfectly reasonable to allow a baby to fuss a little before stepping in. they might not need you, and they are only making noise getting themselves comfortable and adjusting to the new surroundings.
But, where does fussing stop and crying begin? In my family, fussing is grunting, moaning and cooing. any sign of a wail or cry and i step in. But is that because thats my comfort level or is it responding to my particular childs needs?

The one thing i am sure of is age appropriate-ness. I dont believe a baby of under 4/5 months old really needs to learn to self soothe. the world is still so scary to them before that, and i think you need to build up a trust before you try and get them to settle themselves. Harry is a fusser. He wont sleep in my arms so has to lay down, but i dont leave his side. He will grunt and snort a bit, and wriggle around, and then settle and doze off. I rub his head sometimes, or rub his belly, but usually i just hold his hand. any sign of his fussing escalating, then i pick him up.

And another conflicting idea is when you change baby to toddler. I think after about 18 months old, it is very reasonable to allow fussing. of course they are going to resist going to bed, they want to stay awake and play and learn, its what a child is programmed to do. Its up to us as parents to teach them that in order to function at our best, we need good sleep. So teaching a child that age to self soothe is giving them a tool they need.
But how to do it is where i am torn! they do need to learn, but not so much that they should be allowed to cry, or be upset in any way. Sleep is a good thing, not a battle.

My post is pretty pointless! but just some ideas to share!

[Purrrrrrr]

Every baby is going to get upset at some point over the course of the day for any number of reasons. It's in those moments where you have to really pay attention to them.

I've gotten pretty good over the past 9 months figuring out the exact moment Gabe's whine is going to turn into a cry, and I can cut him off before he starts. He's pretty predictable. And it's taken some trial and error. Every time he fussed, no matter what time of day or what was going on, I'd just wait patiently to see how he would handle the situation. For me, it's all about letting him decide if he's actually going to be upset, if whatever's going on is worth crying about.

Sometimes, I could distract him with something and that'd be fine. Sometimes it would escalate.

When he was about 4 months old, I started doing this at night. I'd nurse him to sleep and set him down in the bassinet in our room (he stopped wanting to sleep with me at about that time... I guess I'm not comfy). When he woke, I'd wait and see if was going to escalate or if he'd just go back to sleep. More often than not, he was just grunting and he'd go back to sleep.

Now that he's older, I set him down in his crib awake, but sleepy. He usually makes his unhappy-about-not-being-able-to-stay-up noise at me and settles down to sleep within 2 minutes. We're gradually trying to teach him patience.

My SIL does full-on CIO with her triplets. Her husband worked long hours and it was just her and three babies. She'd let them cry themselves to sleep and eventually they just stopped crying when mom put them down because she wasn't going to respond. I get where she was coming from. I would lose my mind if I was running in to check on three different babies ALL THE TIME. But I don't agree with the method at all. That's CIO, in my opinion.

Originally Posted by joonzgurl

Do I let my baby self soothe? Honestly, not really. I go to her as soon as she calls. I try to get to her before she fully wakes and is still drowsy.

I am the same exact way. You said it perfectly.

I do not believe in crying it out (like I have said before) but really, I dont. To me, in my opinion, when a baby cries he / she needs something. Even if its a simple hug, they need something. Most people forget (that I have saeen) that babies suffer from depression for the first few months of life. They were in this warm, dark cave like for months and now they are in this bright, cold, loud world and they need that extra love right now.

I am NO expert at all, from my experience I have noticed that my parenting is actually way easier when I dont like Drake cry. He knows I will be there when he needs me, therfor he does not throw fits. Of course that can change, but for now, it works and I am a firm believer of not letting a child self soothe.

[angelsailor288]

Nicholas sounds a lot like Juliana. If I put him in the crib (with his mobile on) hes ok for about 15 minutes then starts to fuss. If I dont go to him almost right away he starts wailing.. and sounds absolutely terrified. Takes a long time for him to calm back down. I admit I did try CIO, checking every few minutes, and after about 20 mins or so, I gave up because I thought he was going to vomit. I felt horrible and I'll never do it again but ugh. He cannot self soothe at all. must have boob

[..Penelope..]

When L was quite a bit older (over 1), we started noticing that if he fussed before a nap or at night, if we waited a few minutes, he usually settled back down. By fussing, I mean whimpers, kicking his feet and cranky complaining cries. It was pretty easy to tell when he really needed us.

Now, if I go in when he first wakes up and is complaining about it, he is in a bad mood for hours after. If I wait until he starts jabbering to himself, I get a bright eyed little boy who is happy to see me and eager to get going.

[KiwiMommy]

When Ash was little, I ran to her the second she whimpered. As she got older and didn't nurse as often, I would wait a second or two to determine what type of whimper/fuss it was.
Now I still wait to figure out what the fussing is. Sometimes it's just in her sleep and sometimes she will wake up and cry for me. If I hear "mommy", you bet your butt I'm in there immediately.
I went with the flow..as an infant she needed me at every fuss. Instinct told me that. Now that she's older, doesn't nurse and doesn't need mama snuggles 24/7, instinct says to figure out what type of whimper it is. But to this day I still sit up straighter if I hear her whimper and I prepare to get up. SO thinks I'm crazy for responding..but I go with instinct. Mama instinct knows best.