[brightmommy]

My biggest complaint is also an unequal share of duties. DH was great about picking up the slack the first couple of weeks when I was exhausted and recovering and everything, but ever since then not so much. I was fine with doing most of the errands and things around the house and getting up with her at night when I was staying at home for the first five months, but now that I am back at work he needs to step up his game.
Getting up with her at night is a big one. He never does it. She still wakes up every 2 hours and we co-sleep. Usually I just let her nurse and she goes right back to sleep, but it is still tiring having to get up that frequently. I feel like I am never really fully rested. He just doesn't understand it, and I think he has only gotten up with her ONCE since I went back to work almost two months ago. And the one time he did he complained for days to anyone who would listen about how tiring it was!

A couple of weeks we were bickering about some chore needing to be done and he used the old "I work all day" when I said I do to he made the mistake of saying I only "work part-time" (5 hrs. a day). I was like excuse me! I do 95% of everything for Maddie not to mention most of the chores around the house! I feed her, pump for her, make her baby food, drop-off and pick-up, change most of the diapers, comfort her when she is upset, put her to sleep 99 times out of 100, wash fold and put away her clothes, get her dressed, pack her bag, and it goes on and on. What does he do? He occasionally changes a diaper (if it's not a blowout or a huge mess) and gets her dressed if I've already laid out her clothes for him, and once in a blue moon he might try to put her to sleep. But I only work part-time. Yeah right.
I'm sure you can tell from this rant what our biggest problems are.

[marieks85]

Originally Posted by brightmommy

My biggest complaint is also an unequal share of duties. DH was great about picking up the slack the first couple of weeks when I was exhausted and recovering and everything, but ever since then not so much. I was fine with doing most of the errands and things around the house and getting up with her at night when I was staying at home for the first five months, but now that I am back at work he needs to step up his game.
Getting up with her at night is a big one. He never does it. She still wakes up every 2 hours and we co-sleep. Usually I just let her nurse and she goes right back to sleep, but it is still tiring having to get up that frequently. I feel like I am never really fully rested. He just doesn't understand it, and I think he has only gotten up with her ONCE since I went back to work almost two months ago. And the one time he did he complained for days to anyone who would listen about how tiring it was!

A couple of weeks we were bickering about some chore needing to be done and he used the old "I work all day" when I said I do to he made the mistake of saying I only "work part-time" (5 hrs. a day). I was like excuse me! I do 95% of everything for Maddie not to mention most of the chores around the house! I feed her, pump for her, make her baby food, drop-off and pick-up, change most of the diapers, comfort her when she is upset, put her to sleep 99 times out of 100, wash fold and put away her clothes, get her dressed, pack her bag, and it goes on and on. What does he do? He occasionally changes a diaper (if it's not a blowout or a huge mess) and gets her dressed if I've already laid out her clothes for him, and once in a blue moon he might try to put her to sleep. But I only work part-time. Yeah right.
I'm sure you can tell from this rant what our biggest problems are.

I can completely relate espeically with the part about getting up in the middle of the night. BF totally does not understand what I would give for 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I have to cat nap during the day whenever I get a chance (and when baby does) and my BF always says things like "oh didn't you take a nap today?" I could take a hundred naps a day but they really do not do much considering I am never asleep long enough to fall into a nice deep sleep. I have felt so sleep depreived the last 8 months and even though it is worth it for my little boy, I make sure that my BF understands that I do this because I have to and not because I want to. Oh and the very few times I have asked him to get DS in the middle of the night (when I spent hours walking around walking him and needed a break) he had the nerve to GRUMBLE and COMPLAIN. BF also does not change diapers (he doesn't even know where we keep them- if he has to change DS he grabs them from the diaper bag and only changes pee diapers as well), try to feed solids, take DS out places just the two of them or sing and be silly with DS.

Working part time AND taking care of a baby is an entire plate full and then some. Everyone I know with kids say that it was nice for them to go back to work because babies are tough. It's a 24/7 job that requires a lot of thinking outside the box and absolutely no reliable schedule lol

[joonzgurl]

Originally Posted by Jule'sMomInOR

OMG! I can totally relate. My DH is far from lazy ... he does lots of stuff around the house, hardly ever watches tv, etc. Our problem was just like you described! I told him he needed to stop doing that type of stuff and help me more, and it really didn't work in the beginning. He's much better now. I also absolutely hated that any time I got to go anywhere while he watched Juliana (even if I was in the house working out) he referred to it as "babysitting". I had to tell him it's not babysitting when you are the father!!

I wish I could relate to both of you. My dH is of the laying on the couch variety!

[brightmommy]

Originally Posted by joonzgurl

I wish I could relate to both of you. My dH is of the laying on the couch variety!

Mine is the same way!

[Jule'sMomInOR]

Originally Posted by joonzgurl

I wish I could relate to both of you. My dH is of the laying on the couch variety!

LOL. The problem is that it makes it hard to argue and to get my point across. Yes, he is being productive but it's in ways that really don't matter. He's working on trimming every bush and fertilizing the lawn to perfection when I'm inside going nuts because I need a break. Who cares if the lawn looks like crap?? Yet when I ask for help he tells me he's too busy and all this stuff needs to be done. Then I tell him my sanity is more important than getting lawn of the year award but he doesn't get it. DH is a perfectionist and that was nice pre-baby because I never had to nag him about getting projects done around the house. Now I have to nag him to stop doing so many projects!

Drake was planned and we had his name picked out for almost 2 years in hopes that he would be a boy. (luckily he was, lol) so as far as "planning" or "preparing" for him within our marriage, that was already a done deal. I do agree though that many marriages end in divorce OR the relationship suffers after a baby is born and I find that VERY sad. Yes, its not easy, yes there are compromises to be made but I feel like its something that can be worked out.

The hardest thing is that DH and I dont always agree but in the end it will be my way and he gets upset sometimes but I really do believe that "Mother knows best", call me selfish but its the way I think.

The HARDEST thing was right after DS was born. Like I KNEW what to do, when to do it and HOW but DH was like clueless and I got SO MAD because I was like "How do you not know and I do?!" Like just listen to the cry, its simple! But thats why WE have the babies. We are smarter! And the sleep, I am SOOOOO tired sometimes but when DH is tired WATCH OUT!! He will complain and get PMS but when I am tired and I "complain" sometimes that is looked down upon. I dont get men at all! I swear they are only here sometimes for the sex! LOL!

It DOES get better with time as long as you dont kill eachother!

[spicymustard]

Originally Posted by Jule'sMomInOR

LOL. The problem is that it makes it hard to argue and to get my point across. Yes, he is being productive but it's in ways that really don't matter. He's working on trimming every bush and fertilizing the lawn to perfection when I'm inside going nuts because I need a break. Who cares if the lawn looks like crap?? Yet when I ask for help he tells me he's too busy and all this stuff needs to be done. Then I tell him my sanity is more important than getting lawn of the year award but he doesn't get it. DH is a perfectionist and that was nice pre-baby because I never had to nag him about getting projects done around the house. Now I have to nag him to stop doing so many projects!

Do we have the same dh? Lol
Again, totally awesome but same as you, it doesn't really matter. The first 8 months especially are when I found I really needed his help the most. The lawn can wait 8 months. Or a couple of hours for us to have a break.