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and i know she's going to ask me how he's sleeping. last time she didn't bring up the sleep training again because i think she understood i wasn't gonna do it, but she did tell me she'd like to see him drop his night feedings (he was only 9 months then, ok, i didn't see eye to eye with her). anyway, aside from her traditional parenting "techniques" she's really great with carlos and i dont really want to change doctors....there are 3-4 doctors in the practice, but i've only seen one other and she seemed less friendly..i love how sweet and friendly the one we see is...i like this practice because they're very very pro-healthy nutrition and pride themselves on trying to prevent childhood obesity, etc...they also had no objections or negative things to say about me potentially raising carlos as a vegetarian.
anyway, i guess what i'm getting at is, do you ever "fib" to your dr about anything little one is or isn't doing as far as your AP parenting goes? (like sleeping arrangements, how many times baby is waking up, etc) did you happen to find a dr who is less traditional and supports your parenting style?
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No, I don't. When she gives me advice I don't agree with I tell her "Thanks, but that doesn't agree with my parenting style" and that's the end of it.
I don't think it's a good idea to lie because you never know, what if he has some kind of medical condition that contributes to him sleeping poorly? If you lie that that potential symptom would be overlooked.
Me: "great most of the time. Nothing I can't handle."
Dr: "and she is eating solids."
Me:" mmm hmm, you bet" (does licking and playing with food when doing BLW count?)
I wish we could change drs, ever since Avery was not gaining weight as a newborn (3 weeks, still below birth weight). She was sleepy and would fall asleep on the breast constantly. My dr told me to feed her on a schedule instead of on demand, because if I let her go 4 hours between feeds she would be "more hungry" and eat more. That has left a VERY bitter taste in my mouth. Thank goodness I didn't listen to him and went to see a specialist.
Anyways, what I am getting at is that I would change drs if I could, but it is really hard to find a dr around here. So I lie to my dr to keep him off my case, because I honestly feel I know better what is best for my baby than he does.
I wish we could change drs, ever since Avery was not gaining weight as a newborn (3 weeks, still below birth weight). She was sleepy and would fall asleep on the breast constantly. My dr told me to feed her on a schedule instead of on demand, because if I let her go 4 hours between feeds she would be "more hungry" and eat more.
That makes me sad, but does not surprise me. No wonder so many women fail at breastfeeding.
I don't lie, I just smile and nod or answer vaguely.
"How's he sleeping at night?"
"Like a 1 year old"
something of that ilk. If she pushes advice on you I would politely ask her to respect your parenting style. I think Mariah has a good point about full disclosure, but you'll have to decide if it's relevant or not.
I don't look to my doctor for parenting advice, and I consider most sleep "problems" to not be medical problems (unless there's something really weird going on, kwim?). Same with cosleeping, starting solids at 4 months vs. 6 months vs. baby-led weaning etc. - that's a parenting choice, not a medical concern.
my dr is AWESOME!!!!!!! She was all about NOT sleep training and nursing on demand through toddler years (she nursed for 4.5 years). I would just say, thank you for your advice. Is it a medical issue that your child does not STTN or nurses at night? no, NOT AT ALL, this is NORMAL toddler/1yr old behavior. Heck, my DD woke 6-10 times a night until she was 15months old my dr said "some kids are not good sleepers." ain't that the truth!!!!!
I guess I am really lucky. My doc is great. She totally is fine with my parenting style. When the nurse asked me at 6 mos how kieran was sleeping, I laughed and said he was nowhere close to sttn. She said "yeah, I didn't think he would be, but I have to ask."
I tell them the truth about whatever and they respect my parenting choices. I would really be sad to have a doctor I couldn't trust. I was just in the other day because I pulled kierans elbow out of socket (trying to keep him from rolling off the bed) and they were nothing short of wonderful. The nurse told me how she had the same thing happen when her son was 4 months old. And the doc was saying how easily it happens and how minor it was. They knew I was feeling crazy guilty and were really great about making it a non-issue. We are in a lot, since both boys are prone to ear infections...so we have a good repoire. They always trust that I need a sick appt, even if my reasoning is just "my kid is not acting right."
That said, if you are not concerned about an issue (like him sleeping), I don't see a problem being vague. Something like "he goes through stages...sometimes he is up a lot, sometimes he isn't" is fine (you don't have to tell them your version of isn't means every two hours versus every half hour!) If you are concerned about something, like his weight gain for example, it might be wise to tell them the truth about his eating patterns and frequency. But if it is something you know is normal for him and not concerning for you...I think fibs are okay.
I just switched doctors for Nicholas after being told I should put him down at 8pm and not go in or check or anything until 8am, that I had to learn tough love. Yeah.. no. That was the final straw for me. Giving out dangerous advice is not ok.
I picked the new doc at recommendation of my midwives office but I have no idea what to expect. We see him Monday. Hopefully he's ok.
DS's ped at the time just asked how sleeping was going and I just said, "oh it's improved and he's doing well." Which it had improved over no sleeping. Left it at that.
I didn't really discuss much with that ped though. I trusted her medically, but not much when it came to what I consider to be parenting advice. I didn't have much choice on who he saw. There was one ped on base and one in town - that's it. The one in town is who DS saw when he was born and she creeped me out.
Ashley - Wow, that is dangerous advice! No way would I ignore a baby for 12 hours!
I just answer with one word answers, and that works, she dosen't pry and I din't volunteer much.
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We recently had to get a new pediatrician for DS since we moved. I loved his old doc, she was so friendly. She was always very respectful of our parenting choices. So far the new doc is ok. She doesn't seem too jazzed on our decision to delay vaccinations, but she accepted it, and she didn't bat an eye when we told her that we cosleep. I have never felt the need to fib to either of DS's docs, if a situation ever occurred where a doctor gave me or my husband crap about our parenting decisions we would just find a new doctor.
When asked about sleeping I usually just go with sleeping is fine. They ask how many naps a day I say a couple. They asked how often he's breast feeding. I honestly had no idea. I said whenever he wants it. My doc was cool with the on demand stuff but I've never mentioned cosleeping because I didn't want to have a discussion about it. I think being vague is best if you are worried but your doc may surprise you. When Lilly had her one year the doc asked if I've introduced meat and I was scared to answer and said I was never going to and she told me she's been a life long veg. Sometimes you get lucky. :-)
I just switched doctors for Nicholas after being told I should put him down at 8pm and not go in or check or anything until 8am, that I had to learn tough love. Yeah.. no. That was the final straw for me. Giving out dangerous advice is not ok.
Every time I read something like this I get a sick feeling in my stomach because I know she's giving this advice to hundreds of moms and if only 10% listen, that's way too many babies who are being left alone for 12 hours to cry. That makes me want to cry.
I don't look to my doctor for parenting advice, and I consider most sleep "problems" to not be medical problems (unless there's something really weird going on, kwim?). Same with cosleeping, starting solids at 4 months vs. 6 months vs. baby-led weaning etc. - that's a parenting choice, not a medical concern.
Mariah, same ... really bothers me how many parents listened.
Not to mention he is a "sleep specialist".
From their website.. "Dr. Green has special interests in pediatric sleep disorders. He is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics and a member of the American Association of Sleep Medicine. Every Wednesday, he works at the St. Peter's Sleep Center in Albany, N. Y. He is also trained in Pediatric Medical Hypnosis."
Mariah, same ... really bothers me how many parents listened.
Not to mention he is a "sleep specialist".
From their website.. "Dr. Green has special interests in pediatric sleep disorders. He is a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics and a member of the American Association of Sleep Medicine. Every Wednesday, he works at the St. Peter's Sleep Center in Albany, N. Y. He is also trained in Pediatric Medical Hypnosis."
Scary.
Hmmm, I wonder if his specialty in pediatric sleep disorders tends to make him diagnose every baby that doesn't STTN with a disorder.
