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... when you hear about things like CIO, spanking, or other things you feel are harmful to children by other parents? What about when your pedi gives you advice that goes against your parenting style?
I generally try not to criticize people's parenting but after a certain point, I feel like I need to speak out for the kids. Even if it's just a look that says "I can't believe you treat your kids that way". This graphic inspires me:
That graphic is really inspiring. Sadly I don't speak up. I tend to get very flustered at the sight of any disagreement and can never get my point across. I am one of those people who has a disagreement with someone and keeps going over the conversation again and again in my head, wishing I had said something else.
It really depends on the context of the situation and who it is. If I feel like I'm a part of whatever conversation and people might listen (I'm not one to set foot into what I KNOW will be a huge immediate argument), I do speak up. I usually start with "have you tried other solutions first?" or offer my point of view and why such and such works for us. I try not to push too much AP because I find that just mentioning AP turns some people away immediately sadly. But stating that I got Aiden to sleep in his crib without CIO does grab people's attention or to state that I don't find it hard to grocery shop by myself because I baby wear helps (and offer to help them with carriers).
Depends on who it is. If it's a friend of mine, yes I'll speak up. If it's somebody I don't know, I won't unless they ask me something, like "don't you just hate listening to them cry" and I'll say that we don't believe in CIO at our house (for example).
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Thanks to Mom2*Lauryn*Jacob* for this beautiful sig!
I very rarely speak up unless specifically asked.
I think that actions speak louder than words, if people notice that I'm doing things differently they ask and then I'll give my two cents. I also believe that unsolicited advice is rude and annoying. I don't see how my unsolicited advice will be any less irritating. I try hard to follow the golden rule.
I occasionally have frank discussions with close friends, but that's the only exception I can think of.
I usually try to. As for Ped, ours is crunchy so.... Don't have to as he doesn't believe in CIO, spanking, etc. and doesn't even bat an eye when we say not vaccinating.
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Mama to G, L & twins F & M
Started off 2013 homebirthing suprise twins Fia Celesta & Maddalena Isabella
I don't speak up usually unless I feel like they are attacking the way I do things, and even then, sometimes I just let it go. With our pedi, I usually just smile and nod and the things I don't agree with just go in one ear and out the other.
I don't speak up very often. I am afraid of being abrasive or hurting someone's feelings, so I just say nothing. I don't like this about myself, though, and am trying to find gentle, non-judgemental ways to share my thoughts. I'm a work in progress
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Thank you peimum for my amazing siggy
I try to speak up by explaining what works in our family and why or explaining that I don't agree with something (like CIO, spanking, etc.) and why. I try not to judge or blame the parent, instead I try to just give the reasons about why I do what I do or don't do what I don't do.
There are some people that I know are not going to listen and it will just be an argument with no good outcome so then I just keep my mouth shut.
I only give my two cents if I am actively included in the conversation or if the person asks for my opinion. I know I hate it when I get people saying "oh, do it this way" so I really try to avoid butting in where I dont belong.
The only time I have (or would) break that rule is if I saw a child being verbally or physically abused. Or what I would consider abusive behavior. I did once at the mall play center. A mom (very young and "rough" looking) kept telling her son, who was obviously not an adaptable kid, to go play. She was sorta shoving him and saying "come on, I didn't come here for me, don't be a wuss, you're acting like a baby, etc." she was saying it really mean and the kid was just crying and clinging. Which she kept saying "don't be a little girl, boys don't cry." and I just gently pointed to my son and said "he has a hard time adapting to new places too. I find that if I just sit and let him observe for a couple minutes, he will usually be ready to play. Its hard when your personality is outgoing and theirs is more reserved." I was shocked how well it went over. But I also did not address her comments directly, as much as I wanted to! Sure enough, after about three minutes of sitting and watching, the little guy went off and was fine.
I only give my two cents if I am actively included in the conversation or if the person asks for my opinion. I know I hate it when I get people saying "oh, do it this way" so I really try to avoid butting in where I dont belong.
The only time I have (or would) break that rule is if I saw a child being verbally or physically abused. Or what I would consider abusive behavior. I did once at the mall play center. A mom (very young and "rough" looking) kept telling her son, who was obviously not an adaptable kid, to go play. She was sorta shoving him and saying "come on, I didn't come here for me, don't be a wuss, you're acting like a baby, etc." she was saying it really mean and the kid was just crying and clinging. Which she kept saying "don't be a little girl, boys don't cry." and I just gently pointed to my son and said "he has a hard time adapting to new places too. I find that if I just sit and let him observe for a couple minutes, he will usually be ready to play. Its hard when your personality is outgoing and theirs is more reserved." I was shocked how well it went over. But I also did not address her comments directly, as much as I wanted to! Sure enough, after about three minutes of sitting and watching, the little guy went off and was fine.
I don't usually because I am really non confrontational and around here the mommy wars are crazy. If someone is asking about how to do something, baby related I do direct them to Dr Sears books because they are really great, and it is a sneaky way to expose them to it and maybe influence them. If they are talking about quiting breastfeeding I mention that it was really hard for us in the begining and I almost lost my supply but got it back and am still breastfeeding. My dr and I don't talk about parenting, she dosen't ask and I don't offer, it really isn't a health concern.
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The belief that there is only one truth and that oneself is in possession of it seems to me the
deepest root of all evil that is in the world.”
— German physicist Max Born Like Bear Moon on Facebook
