[Jule'sMomInOR]

To be a "perfect" 10, you would probably have to let your kids self-wean from co-sleeping and breastfeeding, probably EC, CD, be a SAHM and never hire a babysitter, use 100% gentle discipline, at least try for a natural birth (probably even home birth), and home school. Think Mayim Bialik.

[Jule'sMomInOR]

I rated myself 7.

Upping my score: Juliana will self-wean from co-sleeping even if she's 6. I'll let her BF until at least 3. IDK after that but I think if we're down to once or twice a day, I'll let her go to 4ish. We do 100% gentle discipline and will be attempting to do no punishments, only natural consequences. I had a natural birth, but in a hospital.

Dropping my score: I do not CD. I WFH. Once in a while, Grandma babysits for date night. I have no interest in EC.

[HappyHippy]

I would say 9 for me. I do let my kids self wean from bed-sharing/co-sleeping, breastfeeding and babywearing. I'm free range, I EC but also CD when we're out and at night, non-vaccinating, homeschooling, homebirthing, organic eating, use natural cleaners as well as cosmetics, toothpaste and everything else. Gentle discipline.

[Jule'sMomInOR]

I just wanted to clarify that I don't think it means you are perfect if you can rate yourself a 10. I don't aspire to be a 10. I don't want to turn this into a "Are you mom enough" poll. LOL.

[shen7]

IMO vaccination and cloth diapering has nothing to do with AP. To me it's like in a category with wearing amber necklaces and no-poo'ing (no shampoo) or something, not about attachment or bonding at all, just a lifestyle choice. I consider myself quite AP and crunchy in my values, but I am pro-science and we fully vaccinate according to M's pediatrician's recommendations. EC, on the other hand, is very similar to BLW and feeding on demand and letting them naturally learn to self feed, just with the "other end" so I do believe EC is AP, it greatly increases bonding and communication.

I would say I was basically a 9 or 10 before M got to 6-7 months or so. Tried to have a natural birth in the hospital in Mississippi, exclusively breastfed, she has never had a bottle and I never pumped, never was more than one room away from her, coslept. Cloth diapered with natural fibers (changed as soon as she complained if not sooner), started EC around 5.5 months.

Since then we've been doing some things less AP. She got too big for our double bed, we had a futon next to the bed for awhile but the room was too small. Now she sleeps in her own room but I go in there and sleep next to her and dream feed after her first wake-up. Sometimes I sneak back to my bed, though, too. I have been gently encouraging her to reduce her breastfeeding demand through feeding her a lot of food and now recently, giving goat milk. I will deny her breastfeeding now if she has bad manners (hits me, pulls hair, bites, etc) after a few warnings, which seems to only happen when she's teething badly now. I want her to nurse less and self wean before age 2, I am already mostly doing "don't offer, don't refuse". I think I am pretty gentle and natural consequences in my discipline. I respect her. I can't imagine spanking her or letting anyone else spank her. We have had one or two dates where she was left with grandma (she did fine and never even noticed we were gone). I would definitely consider homeschooling if we couldn't find a good school that worked for her. Oh and we still CD with natural fibers and do part time EC I love ECing!!! And I love my cloth diapers too! Oh and we do mostly BLW but not with yogurt, she gets spoon fed yogurt, but she very clearly indicates when she wants more and we don't do the whole "open up the hangar here comes the airplane!" bit.. So what am I now? Maybe a 7? I do a lot of the little stuff but I feel like extended breastfeeding is a big one that I am not trying to do. I want to TTC again and I have too much trouble getting pregnant and staying pregnant as it is and I have lost a lot of weight, I want to be 10 lbs heavier or so to get more fertile, BFing a huge baby takes a lot out of me. Sorry so long

[lovemylittlemiss]

I rated myself a 7 as well. We had a natural hospital birth. I'd love a home birth for future kids but can't because I'm high risk;I have Type I (juvenile) diabetes. I want to breastfeed her till 2ish. Right around that time I'd like to be pregnant with our next child and I'm not sure how I feel about bfing while pregnant/tandem bfing. I wear her a lot and we co sleep. She is either in my arms or no more than about 2 feet away all day and night except when I'm in the bathroom or the 4ish hours a week I teach. We cloth diaper and are thinking about trying EC. We also are delaying vaccinations and plan on doing BLW. We also plan on using gentle discipline. We can't legally home-school in Germany, which I think is a shame. Not sure if homeschooling is right for us but I think you should be able to have that option. Another reason why I love America <3

[Cruiser]

Not gonna rate myself, but perhaps my definition of AP is just different than some of yours. I don't think being AP means you necessarily BF, cosleep, CD, do BLW, babywear, etc. - I think it means you do what is best for YOUR CHILD. So if your child hates babywearing, you use a stroller. If your child sleeps best in a crib, you use a crib.

Now on the other hand, my "best for child" approach doesn't extend to things like spanking or CIO - I don't think there is a child out there who responds best to spanking, for example. But I think sometimes people get a little hung up on following a laundry list of things and that it will make them AP, when I really don't think that's the case. You can do several of those things and still be quite traditional, or you can do practically none of those things and be very AP.

[joonzgurl]

I rated myself a 6. Like Shen7 Avery is in her own room, but I go in and dream feed her after her first wake up. Sometimes I sneak back to my bed.

I breastfeed, cloth diaper, will attempt all gentle discipline with natural consequences. I think we are going to delay some vaccinations (I may finally have DH on board with that) but I am not sure about breastfeeding either. I would like to wean her by 2 as well. Time will tell I guess.

Great thread!

[Jule'sMomInOR]

Originally Posted by shen7

IMO vaccination and cloth diapering has nothing to do with AP. To me it's like in a category with wearing amber necklaces and no-poo'ing (no shampoo) or something, not about attachment or bonding at all, just a lifestyle choice. I consider myself quite AP and crunchy in my values, but I am pro-science and we fully vaccinate according to M's pediatrician's recommendations. EC, on the other hand, is very similar to BLW and feeding on demand and letting them naturally learn to self feed, just with the "other end" so I do believe EC is AP, it greatly increases bonding and communication.

You know, I agree with that. I only included CDing because so many APers CD, but it really doesn't have to do with bonding. The vax/non-vax issue is something that is also important to a lot of AP-ers, but not related to bonding.

I forgot baby wearing!!! I guess that is one area where my score would go down because I didn't do a ton of it when Juliana was a newborn, but I did wear her for shopping trips and walks, just not around the house. I wish I would have owned and learned to use a Moby wrap!

[ashj_1218]

I am really with cruiser and shen on this one. I think that AP is more about listening to what is best for the children. Vaccines, CDing, cosleeping, and other typical AP practices CAN just be lifestyle choices. Versus being a true "child oriented" practice. I have seen tradition parents, in most senses, employ some of these practices for their own means. Even if it is not best for the child.

I don't think that every situation or child can respond to /be handled with "gentle discipline" either. I think time-outs and stern voices are suited in some situations (which I do still consider gentle, just not in some AP opinions). It's just a personal belief that some things do not have natural consequences that are effective. So, in that sense, I might not be a that AP to some.

I did vote. And gave myself a 6. I actually do feel I am at the "lean" end of the AP spectrum. I think some of my things could go toward traditional parenting because they are choices that work better for me AND my children. I am sure my kids might want a different parenting choice, but I am not offering it because it would make me a less effective or more insane parent, kWIM? But I am okay with it because it works for the whole unit.

Plus, I am a struggling AP parent. Lol. I feel like I am not nearly as gentle or patient as I could be. I feel I probably have some unrealistic expectations and get more frustrated than I should when they aren't met (and I have to readjust). But truly, I feel I am normal. I am confident that my children will not be emotionally scarred by my non-organic, sometimes yelling, less-than-patient home. I think it will make them pretty normal too

[shen7]

Oh yeah, babywearing!!! Lol. Cruiser raises a great point there because M has recently started demonstrating a CLEAR desire to either go in the stroller, or in the hiking backpack DH sometimes carries her in (she is up high, away from the body and strapped in with it). She wants to be able to look around and doesn't care about being on our body. Sometimes she is a little fussy/wanting contact and I will bust out the sling or ergo, but not generally... it's a big change. We were 100% baby wearers and the stroller my mom insisted we needed was collecting dust in the corner until she found it recently. DH said he's afraid other crunchy parents we see on our walks are judging him for not loving his baby enough to carry her properly he said he wants to explain to everyone we see, "it's what she wanted! She cried and banged on the stroller until we put her in and then she got excited!"

[natty]

Originally Posted by Cruiser

Not gonna rate myself, but perhaps my definition of AP is just different than some of yours. I don't think being AP means you necessarily BF, cosleep, CD, do BLW, babywear, etc. - I think it means you do what is best for YOUR CHILD. So if your child hates babywearing, you use a stroller. If your child sleeps best in a crib, you use a crib.

Now on the other hand, my "best for child" approach doesn't extend to things like spanking or CIO - I don't think there is a child out there who responds best to spanking, for example. But I think sometimes people get a little hung up on following a laundry list of things and that it will make them AP, when I really don't think that's the case. You can do several of those things and still be quite traditional, or you can do practically none of those things and be very AP.

So I normally lurk here but I 100% agree I know both my girls sleep better in there own space and my first was 100% a crib sleeper and my youngest spends most of the night in her crib and just a few hours with me, I also do timeouts in my house for things that can hurt themselves or others ( I have hardwood floors so when my twoyear old is standing on thearm of the couch and falls she could really hurt herself like a hospital trip she is really tall) I don't do cio or spanking but I also think there are some rare occasions to let your baby mild cry fuss for a minute my oldest around ten months old stopped letting me rock her to sleep and I tried everything to get her to sleepfor days and finally needed a few minutes laid her in her crib and she fussed mild cried and passed out and it was only a few days ofthat and she would sleep instead of hours of overtired crying I know not my finest parentjng moment and I hated it but she just only felt comfortable sleeping in her crib by that point and my youngest u till about 6 months hated being worn now she loves it andi likewearing her too. Sorry I know this is long and I don't normally post here but I like reading post from moms with similar views hope you don't mind the responce

[mgm78]

I voted 8. I breastfed until DD was 34 months old, she coslept with us until 33 months, we followed her lead with food, never did rice cereals, etc, cloth diapered, baby wearing, nursing on demand, no CIO, etc. We did not do EC and I did not let her self wean.

[Hippy Witchy Chicky]

I say 7ish