[Jule'sMomInOR]

For those of you with more than one LO, how was it when you first had your second?

Was your first jealous?
Were you able to find time to spend 1:1 time with each?
Did your SO start helping out more since you had two?
Do you think you were able to take care of your LO's needs as effectively the second time around as you were the first, given that you had another one to take care of?
Were you more relaxed as a parent the second time around?
Was it easier, since you had more experience, or harder, since you had two?
Was there anything you would have done differently (waited longer, had the second one sooner, etc)?

[breathing for two]

For those of you with more than one LO, how was it when you first had your second?

Was your first jealous?
Definitely at first, especially since I was tandem nursing and highly preferred to nurse one at a time (I found it very uncomfortable to nurse both at once, because of the difference in suction strength) Over time she stopped being jealous and started feeling more sisterly towards him, when he was really little she sometimes tried to grab him from me and run off with him

Were you able to find time to spend 1:1 time with each?
This was actually really hard for me, because I don't think I ever put Eli down when he was very little, but I made in effort to sit next to her to play and read with my baby in my arms.

Did your SO start helping out more since you had two?
Yes, I made sure he spent more time with Eliana, since I wasn't able to play with her as much. I've also needed to ask him to start helping me with some chores.

Do you think you were able to take care of your LO's needs as effectively the second time around as you were the first, given that you had another one to take care of?
It was a lot more difficult, but I think a lot of it is due to the age difference. They both still need constant attention at this stage, and there's only so much mommy to go around. I think a slightly larger age difference would have made things a little easier

Were you more relaxed as a parent the second time around?
Absolutely! I already knew exactly what I was doing, and those few things I forgot I already knew where to go or call for advice. Not to mention all the things I regretted doing with Eliana I stood my ground and did better with Eli.

Was it easier, since you had more experience, or harder, since you had two?
Was there anything you would have done differently (waited longer, had the second one sooner, etc)?
I think it was easier, this might be because Eli is simply an easier baby (sleeps better, has less of a temper) but the transition was only a little bumpy compared going from 0 to 1. I would not have kids this close together again. It was not easy on my body, and I don't think it was easy on Eliana, but in the end I'm glad I did.

Was your first jealous? Not at first, but once Isaac got a little older, we did have some jealousy issues with Eva but they have since gone.
Were you able to find time to spend 1:1 time with each? It is hard to figure this one out and the reason for the jealousy I think. When Isaac was napping, I would try my best to focus solely on Eva.
Did your SO start helping out more since you had two? DH has always been a big help so I wouldn't say he helped out more, he just continued helping out.
Do you think you were able to take care of your LO's needs as effectively the second time around as you were the first, given that you had another one to take care of? Yes, but it's different. You aren't always able to give the same kind of attention as you can when you just have one, but you can still effectively meet needs.
Were you more relaxed as a parent the second time around? Yes, I didn't worry about the little stuff so much.
Was it easier, since you had more experience, or harder, since you had two? Hmmm, the thing is, even though you have experience, each kid is so different that what worked for the first one, doesn't necessarily work for the next kid so you really have to relearn some stuff.
Was there anything you would have done differently (waited longer, had the second one sooner, etc)? Well, we had planned to have our kids closer together but it really has worked out well with the spacing that we have.

[ashj_1218]

I have typed a LONG response to this twice and once Kieran deleted it just before I hit reply. And once my IPad kicked me out of the app...I give up!! I'll come back later and try!

[Jule'sMomInOR]

Originally Posted by ashj_1218

I have typed a LONG response to this twice and once Kieran deleted it just before I hit reply. And once my IPad kicked me out of the app...I give up!! I'll come back later and try!

Bummer! I hate when that happens.

[shen7]

I saw two brothers at the park yesterday who were 5 years apart. They were really cute and the older one was very protective of and helpful with the younger one. I still want closer sibling spacing but it made me feel better to think that even if it takes a longer time to conceive than I want, it would have its good aspects.

[Jule'sMomInOR]

Originally Posted by shen7

I saw two brothers at the park yesterday who were 5 years apart. They were really cute and the older one was very protective of and helpful with the younger one. I still want closer sibling spacing but it made me feel better to think that even if it takes a longer time to conceive than I want, it would have its good aspects.

Our plan is about 4-5 years apart, probably closer to 4. I've heard that when the oldest is a girl, the protectiveness can be even greater because of maternal instincts. Let's hope so! My sister and I are 8 years apart and although I was protective of her, I didn't play with her all that much. I can imagine it would be difficult to engage two at the same time with that spacing.

[aect-mama]

Was your first jealous? No. Not at all. I think we just got lucky.
Were you able to find time to spend 1:1 time with each? Yes and no. Nathaniel was in the NICU for his first month so my time with him there obviously didn't include Mercy. When he came home I didn't have so much time with them seperately but we all really prefered it that way at first. After about a year or so I started making a point to do things with them separately. But that was mostly because Mercy was getting older and her interests were changing. She needs to have a little time to do her own thing. Just a couple hours a week is really all she needs. She's still perfectly happy to play with Nathaniel the rest of the time.
Did your SO start helping out more since you had two? He's always been as helpful as he can be so that didn't really need to change. He stepped up as much as I did.
Do you think you were able to take care of your LO's needs as effectively the second time around as you were the first, given that you had another one to take care of? With everything but feeding yes. It was very difficult for us to get good at nursing and that really threw me because it was so easy with Mercy.
Were you more relaxed as a parent the second time around? In general yes. Having a boy brought a whole new set of concerns for me so there were a few things that I wasn't as relaxed about. If I'd had another girl I think it would have been different.
Was it easier, since you had more experience, or harder, since you had two? Expirience deffinitely makes most things easier. But there's a juggling act that goes into parenting more than one child. (It can feel a lot like actually physically juggling when they're so close in age. ) I personally don't consider it "hard". But it's definitely different.
Was there anything you would have done differently (waited longer, had the second one sooner, etc)? They're 21 months apart. I actually would have been okay with them being closer in age but I wouldn't want a much bigger spacing. I see the logic in waiting but I really love that they are such good playmates. I think it will really help when the twins get here. Selfishly, it also makes scheduling things easier and saves some money because there's so much they can share and do together. So I guess the short answer is no. I wouldn't have done anything differently. (I personally don't believe I could have anyway. God gives us the children we're meant to have when we're meant to have them. )