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Help!! I'm hoping someone can offer some advice, or at least tell me if I'm crazy or wrong lol! Connor just turned 2 in May, and has co-slept/bed shared with DH and I since the day he was born. He's always been EBF'd, and until about 2 months ago, was nursing to sleep and still nursing 1-3 times during the night. We finally night weaned, set a bed time routine, etc, after reading the No Cry Sleep Solution. Thank GOODNESS! lol FINALLY....Sleeping through the night at 2 years old is AWESOME!! ha ha
So the problem is my crazy parents. Crazy as in obsessed with Connor, their first and only grandchild so far. They live about 10 min across town from us. I've always been REALLY close with my parents, they do a lot for us and have helped us a lot, financially and otherwise, in the past. As an example of crazy obsessed, when we travel to FL for a week to visit DH's family, they MUST/DEMAND to see Connor the few days before we leave, and again, as soon as we return. Because "they haven't seen him for SO LONG" (10 days is usual travel and vacation time). They must see him at least one day every single weekend, or I'm getting phone calls and requests for us to bring him to their house during the week....which in turn would mess up our evening schedules and such. It's seriously an unhealthy obsession, even my Mom has admitted that.
I finally put my foot down about bed times when he started STTN. If DH and I don't feel like hanging out over there, then we drop him off for the afternoon/evening and then have some alone time and pick him up before bed time. Now lately, I'm getting constant demands and ridicule for not allowing him to spend the night over there. My major problem with this is the fact that Connor has never slept in his own room or bed (we've tried it at different times in the past, but never worked out). And DH and I both are not comfortable with him bed sharing with anyone but us. Especially my parents, for many, many reasons. But even DH said that he wouldn't feel comfortable with Connor even sleeping in his own parents bed, and his parents are much more responsible and....normal...for lack of a better word...than my parents (for starters, my dad is an alcoholic).
Sooooo......when I went to pick Connor up this evening, we had it out again. My Dad even taught Connor to say "stay here" when I said it was time to go home. Connor LOVES his "Papa" and loves spending time at my parents house. Of course, they are his grandparents and probably spoiled rotten over there at 2 years old already! LOL Which is fine, to a point. When I explain my side of not wanting him to sleep in their bed, my Dad's alternative is to make a pallet on the floor for him to sleep. I've even suggested they make him his own room/bed....though I can't imagine he'd actually sleep in it. He doesn't' at home and he still nurses before we start our bedtime routine.
What age did your LO's start spending the night at their grandparents? Am I overreacting? Do I just give in and see how it goes? Ugh!! Thanks for reading all of this mess, I appreciate any responses, even if it's to tell me I'm crazy and need to get over it!
Last edited by bribugg13; August 19th, 2012 at 04:42 AM.
My DD started spending one night at month at my parent's house when she was about 19 months old, in preparation for her little bro to arrive. She has a room there with a crib and double bed. My mom seems to have the magic touch when it comes to getting her to sleep, and she always slept in her crib ALL NIGHT with no issue. Weird, because she never did it at home. And I know my mom wasn't just letting her cry or anything, she knows my feelings on that. The kid just would sleep there for some reason.
Now she still goes every 6 weeks or so for an overnight, and she sleeps in the double bed. She generally wakes up once a night and my mom goes in and sleeps with her. But I have no issue with my mom sleeping with my DD - she is a very light sleeper (my mom, not DD) and I know nothing would happen, plus DD is almost 3.
On the flip side, she has never spent the night at my ILs house. They live the same distance away as my parents - about 20 minutes, max. They just don't know her as well, don't see her as often, and she isn't as comfortable with them. Plus they don't have a place for her to sleep, their spare bedroom is really, really far away from their room and definitely not an option. I just wouldn't feel comfortable with her there.
Thanks to Mom2*Lauryn*Jacob* for this beautiful sig!
first things first, welcome to the AP board! I am Rachel, mom to DD Avery who is almost 1.
Now, do I EVER hear you on the obsessed grandparents. Only these ones live next door to me!!! My MIL is constantly stopping by unannounced, and heaven forbid she goes 5 days without seeing Avery.
I do not think you are overreacting at all. Trust your instinct. You are not ready yet and he probably isn't either. And I definately would not want him sleeping in a bed with an alcoholic.
That being said- if he did stay he would probably do just fine. He would be with adults he knows and trusts in an environment that is comfortable to him. He might surprise you. Also it is only 10 minutes, you could ask your parents to please call you to come and get him if he gets upset at bedtime.
Either way though, you are the mama and you need to trust your instincts. If you are not ready for it, you are not ready for it, ya know?
Thank you for the welcome! I've offered them to make him his own room with his own bed, but they haven't done it yet. So we'll see. My ILs are the complete opposite of my parents! lol Although, to the extreme. They don't interfere in our lives at all, however, when you actually DO want their opinion, you never get it!! At the moment, they live hundreds of miles away, although that could change in the near future, as DH has been trying to find a job down there closer to them.
DH and I know we grew up in completely opposite homes, so we're trying to find an even middle ground between the two to raise our children. It's definitely hard some days! I sometimes feel bad for DH because he's the one stuck with the crazy, always in our business/lives ILs...I guess I'm just used to it because I grew up with it! LOL
I'm a lurker on the board, but I am having a similar issue with my ILs. My MIL boyfriend wants my 6 month old to spend the night. Hands down No. My MIL brought it up again, we never really gave an answer just sort of dropped the topic. I was hoping DH would take care of it since it's his Mother and I'm always the crazy DIL, in her opinion.
So she comes over before DH gets home and asks if DD can spend the night and I said no and she asks why. Because she doesn't need too. She said if we ever want a night to ourselves the invitation is open. My DH comes home and I tell him the situation and he said fine just let her spend the night. Um, No. We both had decided that it was awkward that MIL's boyfriend asked and it's just not okay with me.
They are smokers, they have 3 dogs and their house is always stuffy to the point I can't breathe, and I don't normally have breathing issues. They too live 20 minutes away.
Stick to your guns, that's what I intend to do. Oh and a sidenote, when MIL's boyfriend asked he told me to start pumping for the occasion. AWKWARD. The guy gives me the heebie geebies.