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  • 1 Post By IronMamma

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  #1  
February 11th, 2013, 05:48 PM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,756
Recently, I have come across a couple of articles that have stressed the importance of having adequate support as parents. Here is a quote from one of the articles that sort of sums it up (this is from an article from handinhandparenting.org):

Your work as a parent needs and deserves lots of support from family, friends, neighbors, employers and the greater community around you. Your children need other caring adults in their lives and you need and deserve respect, rest, and relaxation.

The more I see this (and the longer I go without a full night of sleep ), the more I realize it is true. Without a chance to rest and unwind, we will just become more exhausted, more stressed, and more overwhelmed. And without a chance to learn that other caring adults are safe and fun, our children will not learn important lessons in trust and socialization- and they will miss out on experiencing life from different points of view.

Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now?
How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related?
Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around?
What is the one thing that you could most use help with?
Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible?
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  #2  
February 11th, 2013, 06:10 PM
HippieLove's Avatar Modern Day Brady Bunch
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Location: Down Under
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I agree with that fully.


Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now?
No
How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related?
Rarely... on Fridays when my older two are at school, my grandmother takes my 2 year old and sometimes the baby too and I do grocery shopping...thats about it
Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? Yes, my Mum and Nan
What is the one thing that you could most use help with? hmm I dont know
Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? I would love more support, I would love their father to be more involved but it's not a realistic thing at this time.
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  #3  
February 11th, 2013, 06:11 PM
Destiny
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,755
Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now?
absolutely not. I lost most of my friends for getting pregnant out of wedlock, the few friends I had left moved away or got too busy with their own lives. That leaves my in-laws with their strong dislike for me.

How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related?
A couple times a year

Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around?
Eliana loves her speech-language therapist, and so does Eli. But there isn't really anyone else

What is the one thing that you could most use help with?
Chores, watching the kids. I need a break and I depend on my husband for that, but he needs one too. I'm the priority right now since I'm growing a baby, but I still feel like it's unfair to him.

Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible?
I want to have some other parents come over on a regular basis for playdates. I'd like my MIL to come help us out every now and then without being a jerk about it. I want some friends my age that I can go out with every couple of weeks.
I don't feel like I'm being unrealistic about it, but I also doubt it will happen, since I've been trying to get things going for so long with no sign of things moving forward.

I would love a good support system, though we are making it without one.
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  #4  
February 11th, 2013, 06:21 PM
miamor
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Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now? no.
How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related? never.
Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? no.
What is the one thing that you could most use help with? housework, watching carlos for short periods while i get a break.
Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? we dont have any family here and i have 0 friends also. my husband has friends who he mainly cycles or runs with and none of them have kids and few are married. my in laws are supposed to move here when they retire, but that wont be for years...i dont see my support system changing at all.
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  #5  
February 11th, 2013, 06:40 PM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,756
Oh mamas, it sounds like we could all use some help!

Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now?
No, DH is gone about 11 hours a day during the week, all of our family lives out of state, and we have not really made any friends since moving here.
How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related?
Pretty much never. If I do, I have to leave DH home with Eleanor, but DH and I get so little time together that I don't like doing that. Plus I would have to go do something by myself, and that is just not as much fun for me.
Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? Not really outside of me and DH- since our families are out of state, we never really have a chance to leave Eleanor with anyone else.
What is the one thing that you could most use help with? I could really use a regular break during the day to try to catch up on sleep and cleaning.
Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? I would love to have more opportunities to leave Eleanor with someone we trust for a short time. It is kind of difficult in our current situation. Family is out, and friends are non-existent. I am thinking about hiring an occasional sitter just to get Eleanor used to other adults, but money is tight and I really don't know if we can swing it. I am also thinking about trying to find/start a mommy group- maybe we could do a child care co-op... but I am not the most outgoing, so it is a challenge.
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  #6  
February 11th, 2013, 07:11 PM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now?
I feel like I have it pretty good after reading some of these replies hugs ladies!!!

How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related?
DH and I have a date for a couple of hours most weeks. Sometimes we go out for a nice dinner and sometimes we just have sex and then watch Star Trek

Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around?
DH is a very engaged co-parent and now that M is weaned, he can fully take care of her completely on his own when he wants or needs to. M also is happy to spend time alone with my parents, but they get frazzled by her quickly and have never taken her more than a few hours. She is sort of a lot to handle... lol.

What is the one thing that you could most use help with?
I really want to go to start doing prenatal yoga classes. They have one at a studio that does childcare but I am nervous to leave M there and have her freak out... I need to just try it sometime.

Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible?
I am really looking forward to M starting preschool in a couple months. I need the time to get organized for the new baby and I think it will be great for her too. I am lucky we have such a great preschool around the corner and that we can afford it, it is not cheap.
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  #7  
February 11th, 2013, 09:15 PM
KatyG's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: California
Posts: 514
Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now? Yes and no, my patents or my siblings will watch the babies if I have school or if I have to study or work but if I want to sleep or just go the movies with my friends they won't which I understand because they are my kids.

How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related? Hardly ever

Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? Yes they adore my dad and my step mom

What is the one thing that you could most use help with? I do have a lot of help so I don't want to sound ungrateful but I just wish I had some more me time

Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? I wish their dad was more involved but we're working on that
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  #8  
February 11th, 2013, 10:13 PM
IronMamma's Avatar -Child Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 4,097
Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now? Absolutely not. I have no support from anyone but DH and he works alot so I feel like a single Mom sometimes.
How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related? Never. This is non existent.
Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? Nope. Just DH. Our parents are useless
What is the one thing that you could most use help with? Sleep. I sleep under 3 hours a night and I live with my Mom currently and all she says is "That sucks", and does nothing.
Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? I would want our parents to be more involved. I feel like they do not even care that they have a Grandson, and he is the first.
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  #9  
February 12th, 2013, 12:27 AM
KiwiMommy's Avatar Ashlynn's Mama
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 3,784
Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now?
My fiancee is a great support system. Otherwise, no not really. But I get along just fine anyways.

How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related? Is grocery shopping work related? lol. Doctor appointments? If so..uhm..never! Last time was in Sept for 3 hours. DF and my anniversary.

Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? I'm never really not around. But my kids love my mom and my best friend.

What is the one thing that you could most use help with? I would love someone to help me with the kids so I can really organize the house properly instead of having to rush between morning and nap or nap and the 5pm "Grumpy baby time"

Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? I would love my friends or family to actually visit sometime. My mom drops by here and there for an hour or so and my best friend will stop by about once a month and help out for a day to two days. One of my other very good friends stops by a lot, but she has 2 kids of her own and Ashlynn and her older daughter are ALWAYS at each others throats, so we don't get much done if we attempt to do anything..lol
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Thank you peimum for the gorgeous siggy!
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  #10  
February 12th, 2013, 06:49 AM
KMH KMH is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: right of center
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Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now? No. We live 23 hours from our families and everyone we grew up with. We move every 3 years, so by the time we have close friends, we leave them
How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related? Every Saturday morning I leave the kids with DH and go grocery shopping by myself; every 6 weeks I also get a haircut. It stinks that my "Mommy-time" is getting groceries, but at least it is something.
Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? No...and we are always around.
What is the one thing that you could most use help with? Someone to watch the kids so DH and I could have a date night once in a blue-moon. We have had 1 since Claire was born (31 months ago, but who's counting, right?). No way I could trust a teenage babysitter with 3-under-3, and our friend all have kids of their own, so I don't feel right asking them to take on 3 more kids. Plus evenings are a circus with supper and baths and the babies' fussy time...DH and I barely survive sometimes!
Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? I would love to trade babysitting with friends, but that really won't work until the twins are older. I'm hopeful that it will happen someday
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  #11  
February 12th, 2013, 07:47 AM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Small Town, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 5,639
Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now? Wow, I sure do after reading some of the replies here. My inlaws live right next door and we are able to take Avery over there for a few hours pretty much whenever we want (as long as MIL is not at work-she works M, W and F and has a lot of other commitments with a dying parent and her volunteer work). If we want to do something they will take her for the entire day, and my MIL watchers her on Thursdays while I work.
How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related? At least 2-3 times per month
Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? Yes, grandma and grandpa
What is the one thing that you could most use help with? It would be nice of DH would look after her more in the overnight hours and if I didn't feel guilty asking my MIL to take her for a few hours on her days off.
Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? I'd like to have someone else Avery was comfortable with other than my MIL since she is so busy and not always available, but Avery is so shy so I am not sure that will ever happen. I should just try.
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  #12  
February 12th, 2013, 08:04 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,635
Hugs mamas

Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now? Yes. I do have a lot of support. More emotional than physical, but I do have people I can rely on if I need them. It is about to get better too, my parents are moving much closer to us.
How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related? I go out alone for something at least once a week or so. I do social things with other women once a month (it's a church group) and I take time to run out and do an errand or go out to dinner with friends. DH stays with the kids generally. But we have someone else local we can ask for when we go out together or need to do something together.
Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? Yes. Besides DH, we have a friend who is older and is fabulous with kids. Her house is like an amusement park for kiddos. My boys love her and her husband. I can leave them with her whenever I need to. Although I do limit how much. She helps her daughter and son with their kids as well and I don't want to overwhelm her. I have a couple others I would trust as well, but have yet to need them.
What is the one thing that you could most use help with? Day-to-day stuff. Like today...we are all sick. Me and Liam have nasty coughs and sore throats, I have no voice, no energy, and Liam is a bear. Kieran has a fever that I don't know what it causing and he is miserable. Its impossible for me to pee without them both wiggling out and DH is working from 6-7:30 today (well, he works and then has class). So I wish I could ring my mom and ask for some help. She wouldn't care that we are sick. But it's other just daily stuff that wears on me too, sleep being a huge one.
Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? Yes, and it is changing very soon. My parents currently live 3 hours away and even though they try to help, it's not realistic on a regular basis since they are so far. But in April they are moving to 20 minutes away and I am thrilled. My mom is my biggest help and the boys adore her. I think it will greatly increase our quality of life to have them nearby. We can get support and they can be closer to the boys, which my mom always worries about since we go a few months between seeing them right now. But I am excited. She is so supportive of my parenting as well that it really helps me emotionally as well.
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  #13  
February 13th, 2013, 09:45 AM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 5,756
I am so glad that a few of us have support from friends and family, but I am really sad that so many of us feel like we are on our own It seems like now that so many people move out of the areas they grew up in, our communities need to step up with more creative ways for parents to get the support they need. Huge hugs to everyone!
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  #14  
February 13th, 2013, 12:01 PM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 4,862
My mom is awesome, but she lives on the other side of the county. She does visit often. In fact, she's stayed with us for entire summers before. That is mostly the only time we do date nights. We are doing one on Saturday for my birthday and we're having our nanny come over, since Monday is a holiday and she wants to make up some of the hours. I work from home and I get a fair amount of time home alone when our nanny takes Juliana out of the house. It's unfortunate that I have to be working during it. On Saturdays, DH takes Juliana to Gymboree so I can go to the gym. After the bath, DH takes her to read stories while I shave my legs and go through my skincare routine for a few minutes. That's mainly it for "me" time.
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  #15  
February 13th, 2013, 02:19 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: NE Arkansas
Posts: 1,286
Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now? I do now that MB is older. When she was little bitty and I was trying to BF, save a marriage, and grow a backbone to the person who was walking all over me.(Another story another post.) Then when I was begging for just one night of good sleep from 2 people and neither complied, no.

How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related? Once maybe twice a month. Some times DH and I don't even leave the house. We just kick back and enjoy being kid-free.

Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? Yes, I was a student mommy, and am now a working mommy. MB has gone to daycare since she was 10 weeks old. She has always loved to go to school, even if she put on a "show" for us when we would leave her there. She also loves to go stay with my mom and dad and dh's mom.

What is the one thing that you could most use help with? Losing weight

Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? I would love my support system to include more friends or more time to spend with the close friends we have. It does seem possible even if not for a few more years.
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  #16  
February 13th, 2013, 04:12 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now? I didn't always. In a way, I sort of had to "prove myself" before the people in my life realized that these AP practices would benefit and not spoil. Now I have more support, but not really people who can give me ideas when I get stuck (which is why I love it here!). I have actually met a mom in real life recently who is a great support. I don't think she knows what AP is, but she is DEFINITELY an AP mama.

How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related? At least once a week if I want.

Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? A few people, yes, but this is a more recent development (last 2 years or so).

What is the one thing that you could most use help with? Housework HAHA. We did have a cleaning lady for a while but we gave up on it as an added expense when she asked for a raise (we were already paying her REALLY well).

Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? I do wish my brother in law would help out more. He helps out some, but considering we pay he rent, I think he could help out more than he does.
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Check out the Attachment Parenting Board for Effective Parenting Solutions.
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  #17  
February 14th, 2013, 09:07 PM
klockert's Avatar Super Mommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Near St.Louis, MO
Posts: 655
Do you feel like you have enough support in your life from other adults right now?yes

How often are you able to get out of the house without the kids for something that is not kid- or work-related? a couple times a month

Does your little one(s) have other adults that they trust and enjoy when you are not around? Yes, Grandma and aunts

What is the one thing that you could most use help with? Organizing the house

Is there anything you would want to change about your support system? Is it a realistic goal or does it seem impossible? not at the moment
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  #18  
February 14th, 2013, 10:24 PM
IronMamma's Avatar -Child Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 4,097
I feel like we should ALL take a vacation and meet up in like Disney World and help each other out! There is not enough support within our families it seems and that makes me really sad.
klockert likes this.
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