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  #1  
February 13th, 2013, 02:06 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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I am VERY depressed. I just feel like crap. Sorry I am not on right now. I am going to take Drake to the park.
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  #2  
February 13th, 2013, 02:21 PM
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  #3  
February 13th, 2013, 03:12 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Awe Is it because you miss your DH? I hope you are feeling better soon. *hugs*
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  #4  
February 13th, 2013, 03:29 PM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Sorry, hun. I went through lots of stages where I felt depressed, especially when Juliana was under 18 months and I was very sleep-deprived. It will get better!
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  #5  
February 13th, 2013, 09:17 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Here is why I am depressed. Yes, DH is gone but honestly I am "ok" with that. Yes I miss him A LOT and know that he is gone I do realize that the little he did help at night was actually A WHOLE LOT! I live with my Mom right now, the lady that gave birth to me and she will not help with Drake. Her one and ONLY Grandchild...and we are moving two states away soon. I get honest to god MAYBE 2 hours of sleep a night. Monday he woke ELEVEN times, and then got up super early and my day started on 51 minutes of sleep. Yesterday he got up 7 times. Not AS bad, but c'mon I am tired! I am not asking for handouts but you would THINK, hey I am living with my Mom, she will help...not the case.

I cook for everyone, (she does sometimes at night) I clean and sweep the kitchen THREE times a day (yes after MY son but no help?...this is not my house... every time I am here she does NOTHING like I am a slave) I have to completely clean down the whole high chair after every meal, I do laundry, I am the ONLY one that will vaccuum, and mind you, Drake is teething, so that means, I cook holding him, I clean holding him, I take him into the restroom with me...all while she is home and will NOT help. DO you know what she said to me when I asked for help?... I did my time ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Drake will be crying while im holding him cooking dinner and she will just stare at me and not help. She will sit on the porch smoking cigarettes, talking on the phone, goes shopping and sits on facebook rather help or hang out with Drake. And when she does watch Drake so I can shower she actually "watches" him. She will not sit on the floor with him, she will literally stand over him and WATCH him...no interaction. None. I feel like my own mother does not give a CRAP about me or her grandchild. All I can say is she WILL regret this when we move and she only sees us maybe once a year because she already made it clear that cant afford to come see us THEN she says she can...okay...

Oh and every single morning, EVERY SINGLE MORNING she says to me "How did you sleep?" (like she actually cares) and I will say "Not good, I only got two hours." and she will say "Oh that sucks" and walks away. OFFERS NOTHING!

Now talking to her about this is NOT an option. She will turn it around on ME just like when I was a child and make me feel like I was in the wrong for even feeling the way I do.

I cannot tell you how many nights I have cried myself to sleep and then get woken up 20 minutes later. Last night I fell asleep and when I woke up and looked at the clock, I had been asleep 12 minutes...

I feel jipped! I thought that Grandparents spoiled their grand kids and helped. Not mine. And the one time Dave and I asked her to watch Drake so we could get some dinner together before he left she layed a MAJOR guilt trip on us.

I need to get out of here. I told Dave that I understand why people lose it. I feel like I am literally going to have a mental break down. So I apologize for not being around. This board has picked up so lovely and I do not want it to die down but at the moment I am having a very difficult time.

Like now, I have bottles to make, a kitchen to finish cleaning, laundry and I still have not peed or anything and its 10:16pm. It never stops...I feel so worn down. There are times when I LITERALLY feel like I am going to drop dead.
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Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #6  
February 13th, 2013, 11:04 PM
NinjaCakes's Avatar Awesomesauce
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I generally don't like to talk about someone else's family to them because people get so offended. And I know I don't know her so I really have no right. But she sounds horrible. I can't imagine what kind of mother she was. I hate that so many people have no idea how damaging it is to teach kids that expressing their feelings are wrong and deserve punishment - or know and just don't care.

I also can't stand the parents who think of parenting as "doing time" or "working." I actually know parents who call taking care of their own children - so the other parent can work, sleep, run errands - babysitting. It makes me sick. And then the ones who consider taking care of a child sitting on their a** while the kids entertain themselves on the floor. What kind of care is that, not interacting with a child at all?? I know that all children need some alone time so they learn to be independent, but I don't believe that should be the majority. Sigh.

I honestly do hope she regrets all of this time she's wasting. She can never get it back, and there's no way of knowing when her last day with him will be. She is and will miss so many meaningful parts of his life because of her indifference. It's sad. More importantly though, I hope that Drake isn't attached to her so he doesn't have to miss her when you move. It would be a shame for him to miss someone so minimally involved in his life.
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  #7  
February 14th, 2013, 05:54 AM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
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I am soooo sorry hun. What I get from reading what you are saying, however, is that she doesn't agree with your parenting decisions so she won't help. When she asks how you slept and you say badly, she is probably thinking in her head "well if you would let him cry you would sleep better". And while you are cooking and holding drake and he is fussing, she is probably thinking "if she would just let that baby fuss a little she wouldn't have to juggle everything."

Jess... I honestly think you need to wean Drake from bottles at night and teach him that night time is just for sleeping. No cartoons, no lights, nothing but mama cuddles. This is no way for you to live. If something is not working for you, change it! It won't be easy but in the long run you will be better off. Night weaning for us was rough for a week, and then she was STTN as long as her teeth were not hurting.
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  #8  
February 14th, 2013, 05:57 AM
Destiny
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Big hugs! That sounds like a tough situation.
I hope that Drake randomly sleeps for 8 hours straight so you can get your head on right. It's so hard to deal with other people being jerks when you're struggling with the effects of sleep deprivation.

ETA: Maybe you should try The No Cry Sleep Solution, that really helped me gently get my daughter to sleep better.
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Last edited by breathing for two; February 14th, 2013 at 06:02 AM.
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  #9  
February 14th, 2013, 06:22 AM
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((((HUGS)))) I'm so sorry, honey. If my Mom were in the same house as me and didn't help or offer help at all, I think I would lose my mind, too.

I hope some time at the park refreshes you a little
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  #10  
February 14th, 2013, 07:04 AM
miamor
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i think rachel has a point...
carlos used to wake that often and tho it's not perfect now, if he isn't teething, he wakes up only about 3 times a night. and when he does wake up asking to get out of bed, ever since i kept telling him it's time to go to sleep and we're all sleeping, he might roll around for an hour until he goes back to sleep, but he doesn't try to leave and get up and play anymore. he woudln't take a lovie before either and over the last two months, he started bringing this lego truck he made to bed and since that was too hard, i bought him a mini thomas the train pillow pet (he looooves tom)...and now he's been hugging that while we nurse..i see him wake up in the middle of the night and reach for it lately.
since you aren't sleeping anyway, maybe you could make some changes?
i know what it's like to be going nuts without sleep, something has to give.
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  #11  
February 14th, 2013, 07:12 AM
KMH KMH is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by miamor View Post
i bought him a mini thomas the train pillow pet (he looooves tom)
Claire traded her paci for the mini Thomas pillow pet...she snuggles with him every night. Thank goodness for Thomas
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  #12  
February 14th, 2013, 09:23 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Thank you ladies for all your insight. I know that something needs to change, I just need to put my finger on what that is. And with DH not being here its even harder. I just love that I can vent to you ladies and no one is flat out telling me I am a bad Mom. Thank you.
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Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy

Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #13  
February 15th, 2013, 05:14 PM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'm sorry you're going through such a rough time. It is absolutely terrible the way your mom treats you and Drake. I think anyone would go crazy in your position!

I'm sure with your DH gone the fatigue is even more overwhelming than usual... and that can be a super hard time to try to make any changes. I hope that the time starts flying by and you can get into your new place with your DH soon!
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  #14  
February 15th, 2013, 05:19 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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big hugs, hon. if it were my grandkids, I'd help out, but some ppl are like your mom. maybe your mom didn't get any help when she was raising kids either. who knows. i'm sure it's not easy for anyone right now I hope you can get Drake sleeping better at night soon. I think once that happens, everyone will be a lot happier. *hugs*
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Check out the Attachment Parenting Board for Effective Parenting Solutions.
PM me if have questions about autism, TTC gender swaying, natural childbirth, going "vaccine-free", or if you are looking for gentle discipline advice.
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  #15  
February 15th, 2013, 06:23 PM
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I wanna say that in my experience, living with your mom with your baby/her grandbaby is hard, even when you do have a good relationship. They don't get as much distance as they want and you don't get the kind of help you would think you ought to get. We lived with my parents for over 6 months when we first moved to California, M was 4 months old when we moved. And I will say that my mom is super nice and well meaning, I don't have major beef with how she raised me, we generally get along and are pretty close. BUT. Living with her is rough. She can be really irrational and eccentric sometimes and you just can't reason with her, it comes out at the most random times and drives me nuts. She was weird with helping me with M, like sometimes if M was just a little fussy but I was working on consoling her and figuring out what was wrong, my mom would suddenly barge in from some other part of the house and try to swoop her off and distract her out of it, it made me feel like she didn't think I knew how to take care of her. Then she'd bring her right back if that didn't work immediately and I'd be like, oooookay... she would offer to play with her for awhile whenever M was in a good mood, I would then take a shower or rest only to be summoned back in 5-10 minutes for a diaper change, feeding, etc. At the end of the day I would not feel like I had a real break at all, but then my mom would act all put upon like she'd been doing all the babycare alllll day and I was some deadbeat. Oh and part of our deal too was me cooking dinner every night, she did help with M more when I was cooking at least... I am a better cook than she is and she hates cooking so that was a good arrangement for us. Anyway though... Over time it really was frustrating and our relationship improved a lot and I felt better about myself too when we moved out. So just to say, even with a GREAT mom, living with grandma is not easy... so I don't blame you one bit. Your mom sounds like a difficult person on top of it so I can only imagine. Hugs!!!
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  #16  
February 15th, 2013, 09:10 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Thank you again ladies. You have no idea how much I appreciate you all.

She is pretty difficult, I guess I expected too much, then again she raised me so I should have known. Wishful thinking.

I do feel more tired since DH is not here. Its amazing, I always complained about how little he did at night, and he does but it helped. I miss it, and I miss him terribly.

I talked to DH tonight and our "hope" is 15 days I can get there. We have enough money, we just have to find a place. I will be driving there in a Uhaul with Drakey. I am so excited. He loves road trips. Just us, Mickey, Choo Choo Soul and Jake CD's and our movies to watch. Well him to watch. I feel like I have not seen him in forever and its been 2 weeks.
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Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy

Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #17  
February 16th, 2013, 05:09 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Awe! 15 days isn't so bad! then think, you'll be settled once and for all!
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Thank you Jaidynsmum for the beautiful siggy!
Check out the Attachment Parenting Board for Effective Parenting Solutions.
PM me if have questions about autism, TTC gender swaying, natural childbirth, going "vaccine-free", or if you are looking for gentle discipline advice.
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  #18  
February 16th, 2013, 05:41 AM
KMH KMH is offline
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Hang in there, Mama! 2 weeks isn't long at all, and soon you'll be settled into a new place, new routine, and hopefully things will be much better!
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  #19  
February 16th, 2013, 06:44 AM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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2 weeks? That's great! You can do it!
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  #20  
February 16th, 2013, 09:06 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Thank you ladies. I really REALLY hope we can do this in two weeks. We just have to find a place on the days that DH has off. But I have hope! WE GOT THIS! hopefully...

But on a good note, I had a really good day. I slept good, Drake hit his heads a few times but overall, pretty good day. I was not tired at all!
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Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy

Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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