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  • 2 Post By ashj_1218
  • 1 Post By ohnicole

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  #1  
February 20th, 2013, 06:40 AM
miamor
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that isn't so AP?
do you feel guilty about it? (if you dont, did you at first?)
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  #2  
February 20th, 2013, 07:08 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2010
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I guess the most non-AP thing I did was wean M when I got pregnant. I think I did it as gently as I could, though, and it went well and did not harm our bond at all, so in the end it wasn't very non-AP at least IMO. I absolutely have ZERO regrets about it, nursing was becoming total hell for me and M has done great without it in terms of nutrition.

I also get mad and yell sometimes, which I don't exactly lie awake at night feeling guilty about, but just try to work on and prevent (mainly by eating more snacks so my blood sugar doesn't get too low). It is tough with preggo hormones and aches/pains making me really irritable sometimes. I work on being more patient. I am not a saint. I feel like M doesn't need a saint for a mom though, she just needs me to do my best and that's what I do.
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  #3  
February 20th, 2013, 07:25 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I feel bad when I get mad enough to yell. It only happens maybe once every 3-6 months, but I feel bad.

I also weaned my oldest when I got pregnant with my daughter, around 6 months pregnant I weaned. It wasn't really intentional though. Every time I put him on my breast, it hurt and made me feel really ill. I tried using a nipple shield, but it didn't help. Eventually he didn't want to nurse I think because I kept starting and stopping and maybe he could sense it was bothering me
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  #4  
February 20th, 2013, 08:19 AM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
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We don't co sleep. I don't feel guilty. We put him in his crib at 2 months & have zero regrets, thats what works for us.
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  #5  
February 20th, 2013, 08:19 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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Yep, I do tons of things that are not terribly AP. But I only have guilt about the one thing I did that I wish I hadn't. The other things are decisions I make for our family and I chose no matter which style of parenting they are part of. It just so happens that a good amount of my choices are MORE AP than not. But there are certainly ones that are not. I have always considered myself more of a "middling AP" parent.

The one I regret was doing any sort of CIO with Liam. I listened to people who weren't his mother and let them convince me his sleep patterns were abnormal. Even if he didn't scream til he passed out, I still feel guilty that I even set that notion of "you will cry and mommy won't respond for 5 minutes" into his head. In the end, I am not saying it permanently damaged him. But I wouldn't know and I do wish I hadn't done it.

But my kids eat all sorts of food. I don't in any way restrict their diets of sugar or only feed them organic foods. They eat whatever, a healthy balance with treats included. I have an interesting perspective on food issues and I don't wish to start any kind of precident for "no-no foods."

My kids watch plenty of TV. Not in place of play or physical activities. But I don't have any guilt about having kids shows on at various points of the day. I only restrict the commercials. They watch Netflix and Disney Jr. prett y exclusively. But if Liam asks to watch a show, I let him.

I yell sometimes. I dont always use the gentlest form of discipline. But I am human and they can see that. I apologize for yelling when I know it wasn't appropriate. But I can certainly have a temper and let it get the better of me.

But I think those things just make me a normal parent, not really a reason to feel guilty. So I don't
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  #6  
February 20th, 2013, 08:51 AM
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I couldn't Bf, we didn't bed share but MB slept in a pack-np-play bassinet by our bed until right after Christmas. Then she was in her crib in her room across the hall from ours. When she couldn't sleep without snuggles we slept in the recliner.

I felt a lot of guilt about BFing and it not working. I struggled and pumped for 16 weeks, when enough was enough. Happy momma equal happy baby and gave up.

Cosleeping was ended because we said OK let's just try and see if she sleeps in here. Because we were waking each other moving around.

I have always said different strokes for different folks. What works for our family might not work for you and what works this time might not work the next!
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  #7  
February 20th, 2013, 09:16 AM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
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The biggest non ap thing for me is losing my temper, especially in the night when she is awake for 1-2 hours at a time, I have been known to yell "just go the F to sleep!!!!!!" I always feel immediate guilt.

Then there is the fact that I am weaning right now. But 18 months is no easy feat in my opinion.
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  #8  
February 20th, 2013, 10:36 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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FWIW, it's some of these things in this thread aren't even really ap or not ap, just things a lot of ap mamas do. Like breastfeeding. "feeding with love" is AP, whether you use bottle or breast. But a lot of AP mamas do breastfeed.
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  #9  
February 20th, 2013, 11:42 AM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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We stopped co-sleeping really early. It just wasn't working for us... Eleanor was an all night nurser and she started overeating until she spit up, and having her constantly latched was not allowing me to get any sleep. But having her first in a pack n play and then in her own room has worked well for us, so I don't feel guilty at all.

I also have to admit, I don't really understand the whole not saying "No" thing. I do agree with using gentle discipline, but I think if you are calm when you say it, there is not really much difference between saying, "No biting, please. Can you show mommy how you give a kiss?" or "Your teeth are not for biting mommy. Show mommy a kiss instead." I get the idea of not saying no in a sharp, angry voice, but I don't get the point of just eliminating one phrase from your vocabulary. Maybe I'm just missingsomething, though
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  #10  
February 20th, 2013, 09:23 PM
KatyG's Avatar Super Mommy
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I never co slept with the twins. It just didn't feel safe to me, I'm a hard sleeper and I move around quite a bit.
And I don't like rock them to sleep or anything, I just put them in their beds and if they cry I pick them up and we try again later.
I started out making their baby food and I still do sometimes but gerber baby food is also in their diet.
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  #11  
February 21st, 2013, 04:31 AM
Destiny
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,755
I fail at gentle discipline all.the.time. I think maybe I just need a nap or five. I feel guilty about it, but I do my best to make up for it.

As for the rest, I don't really know, but I don't feel guilty about it. I make whatever decision feels right for my family and stick with it unless it becomes apparent that it's not working.
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  #12  
February 21st, 2013, 04:37 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohnicole View Post
We stopped co-sleeping really early. It just wasn't working for us... Eleanor was an all night nurser and she started overeating until she spit up, and having her constantly latched was not allowing me to get any sleep. But having her first in a pack n play and then in her own room has worked well for us, so I don't feel guilty at all.

I also have to admit, I don't really understand the whole not saying "No" thing. I do agree with using gentle discipline, but I think if you are calm when you say it, there is not really much difference between saying, "No biting, please. Can you show mommy how you give a kiss?" or "Your teeth are not for biting mommy. Show mommy a kiss instead." I get the idea of not saying no in a sharp, angry voice, but I don't get the point of just eliminating one phrase from your vocabulary. Maybe I'm just missingsomething, though
I think the "no" thing is just about giving a positive outlook and because kids (and people in general) respond better to "yes" than "no". Also, it's more descriptive. "No biting" isn't as helpful as "Your teeth are only for chewing food." because that is more specific and tells them what they CAN use their teeth for.

Of course, I also don't see anything wrong with saying no I'm just explaining what the logic is behind the idea of positive phrasing.
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  #13  
February 21st, 2013, 05:20 AM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
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Ohh I say no to him. But also not in a sharp way. The only time I did that I scared the crap outta G I saw him climbing up onto the coffee table and it scared ME. So I was like Noooo kinda loudly and he got startled and CRIED poor thing. I felt sooo bad. I just kept hugging and kissing him lol
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  #14  
February 21st, 2013, 11:31 PM
KiwiMommy's Avatar Ashlynn's Mama
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I raise my voice sometimes. Yes, I feel guilty about it.
I weaned Ash before she was 100% ready..but she was 2 1/2, her brother was a couple months old and demanding nursing all the time.. I couldn't do it anymore. Sometimes I feel guilty, sometimes I don't.
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  #15  
February 22nd, 2013, 05:14 AM
TheOnlyPink's Avatar .... In a house of blue!
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I do LOADS of things that arent really AP. I hate cosleeping with a baby (i'm much happier with a toddler when its only for an hour or so), I didnt breastfeed for very long, I am not crunchy at all really. I can pretty much ditto everything that ashlee said. They watch tv, eat sugar, I yell. It happens. I dont feel even a little bit guilty about it. Jake is old enough to have opinions on things and often tells me I'm a lovely mom and I know they are both very well cared for and very happy.

I do try to follow an AP view on things, but mainly because its how I naturally parent. No book or doctor can tell me whats best for my babies. I can listen to their opinions and make my own decisions, and I do my best every single day.
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  #16  
February 22nd, 2013, 05:49 AM
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Like Ashlee I'm pretty middle of the road.

We stopped co sleeping at around 8.5 months because we all weren't sleeping very well. I had to wean her at 12 months but I did so in a pretty gentle way and she took it really well. I also say "no" and don't think there is anything wrong with it...kids are going to hear "no" in the real world too plenty of times. I don't say it in a loud way unless she's about to do something dangerous or she hurts me and saying no loudly is my automatic reaction. I let her have sweets in moderation as well because I eat them occasionally and I believe in "all things in moderation" (within reason of course). I praise her openly and will likely use praise when she potty trains. We don't discipline yet so I'm not sure how AP I'll be with that. Obviously we won't be spanking and will try to avoid yelling but I can't speak about how AP I am with discipline because I'm not there yet.

I don't feel guilty about any of it. I sometimes get sad because I miss nursing and I wasn't ready to quit; honestly I believe she was more ready than I was. I think it's all about finding out what works for your individual family. We all do the best we can.
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Last edited by lovemylittlemiss; February 22nd, 2013 at 05:54 AM.
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  #17  
February 22nd, 2013, 11:59 AM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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I feel myself getting "short" sometimes. I KNOW it has to do with my situation, so I am hoping once I am home that will STOP. I feel like CRAP every time I feel it coming. But, Drake is still as lovey as ever so I know he has no idea. Well, I hope.
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