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the Perfect Age Gap


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  • 1 Post By sareymac
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  #1  
March 4th, 2013, 05:12 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
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I definitely see benefits of having kids so close together, because they have "built in friends" and really, it's FANTASTIC, but selfishly I wish I had spaced them out more so I could have enjoyed each of their baby stages separately. I'm excited about having another now that my youngest is almost 5. There's a big enough gap that the kids can all understand what having a baby means. I'm sure there will be some struggles with that, too, but I can't wait to watch how sweet and helpful they are with the baby. My kids have all been sweet with their siblings before, too, but I just imagine it's going to be more-so now that they understand things better.

What, for you, is the perfect age gap between having kids (if you want to have more than one).
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  #2  
March 4th, 2013, 06:15 AM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
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We want two years thats what me and one of my brothers were, and me and my little sister, it just worked out well. . .
That being said, if we got pregnant this cycle (FX) they'd be a week from being two years apart lol. .. but still works lol.
Wait actually 2 weeks, since i have to have a cs the week before. . .but still lol
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  #3  
March 4th, 2013, 06:34 AM
KMH KMH is offline
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I always thought 2 years was perfect, and with one baby I think it would be. With twins, 2 years (actually 26 months) is a little too close. We're surviving, though, and I think the older they get the more fun it will be!
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  #4  
March 4th, 2013, 08:35 AM
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If thing would have worked out a couple losses then brendan then becoming a single parent .imo I prob would want them to be almost 2 yrs apart but it didnt work that way
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  #5  
March 4th, 2013, 10:37 AM
Destiny
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I don't think there is an ideal spacing.
Since very baby is different and every parent is different, for some people 10 years difference would be great for them, for some 18 months is just what works. Maybe after an easy baby, all you need is 1 or 2 years to feel ready, or maybe after a difficult child, or one with medical needs, you need to wait a few years before even considering TTC.
Circumstances vary too much to solidly say that x is ideal, because while it might be occasionally, it won't be for everyone, or even for that person every time.
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  #6  
March 4th, 2013, 10:42 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Sorry if my questions wasn't clear I didn't mean what is the ideal, for everyone, but what is everyone here's personal ideal.

I really liked having kids close together and I really like having them far apart. For me, I think 3 years apart would have been a happy medium, but I'm glad to experience close in age (1 year apart) and far in age (5 years apart). Might been cool to have 2 2 years apart, wait 5 years and have another 2 2 years apart. This baby will be my only one without a "built in friend" -- I know the kids will play with her a lot now, but when my daughter is 10 and the baby is 4, I don't think they'll be playing together as much as if they have been 1-2 years apart.
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  #7  
March 4th, 2013, 11:54 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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Well, I am actually thinking of doing something similar to what you have. We will have three within 3 years (first gap is 22mo and the next one will be 19mo) and although I do think I enjoy them being close and having each other to play with...I am thinking if we have a 4th we will wait until our third is at least 2.5 to try. I want to see what it is like to have a bit more spacing. Bigger gaps (5+ years) don't appeal to me at all. I wouldn't want to start over and I feel I wouldn't handle it as well. But the back-to-back thing might not be my ideal either. We will see. I don't know what my ideal is. Maybe 3ish years? Liam is at a really independent and good age for adding another one, so think it might be a good gap.

My mom liked her 4-year gap better than her 2-year one. But my grandma liked her 14mo gap better than her 5-year ones (she had two 14mo apart and then waited 5 years, had my dad and waited 5 more and had another girl). I do think it's all dependent on kids personalities and the mamas style. I can never see myself being one who "starts over" so to speak. I have a friend who has three kids all 6 years apart! To me, that is like starting over!
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  #8  
March 4th, 2013, 07:28 PM
alwayssmile's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I don't know. Mine are just shy of 25 months apart. I didn't choose it. I'm probably not going to have a choice in the next gap either. God has a wicked sense of humor.
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  #9  
March 4th, 2013, 07:30 PM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
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I am happy that ours will be 26 months apart, I think that will be nice (though I doubt I am having twins... that would be another story). But that being said I do plan to take a break after this baby. We want 3-4 total, but I am quite sure that we will wait until this new baby is at least 3-4 before trying for another. Something similar to what you described- have two close together, wait a while and then have 2 more.
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  #10  
March 5th, 2013, 01:25 PM
miamor
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i dont sleep consistently enough to answer this question clearly first i think of not sleeping for even longer without a break, then i think about how much carlos likes to nurse and what an effective tool it is. the thought of my milk drying out before carlos is ready freaks me out too.
before carlos i would have said 2 years, now i think it's longer...and since i'm getting on in years, i have no idea if we'll have baby number 2.
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  #11  
March 5th, 2013, 02:26 PM
MamaLemonade's Avatar ~~Whitney~~
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My first two are 15 months apart and this age gap will be 3 years and 4 months. I'm happy with the 3 years, I was overwhelmed and a nervous wreak with a 15 month age gap.
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  #12  
March 5th, 2013, 03:01 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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If I was to have more I would have wanted to have them closer in age. I would like to do some activities outside the house, and have them in the same age group. I think the older the gaps the "harder" because they are on such different learning / playing levels. Just from what I have seen. Like my brothers and I.
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  #13  
March 5th, 2013, 05:14 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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That's another good point, Jess. So true. It's hard when they are all in different age groups for activities!
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  #14  
March 8th, 2013, 06:54 PM
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My girls are nearly 5 years apart. For us, it's perfect! Our 5 year old is seriously the biggest helper and loves being "mommy" to our 4 month old. She's also able to understand that now I need to divide my attention between them and so sometimes I'll have to give DD2 more attention and sometimes I'll give DD1 more attention.

As far as the whole "starting over" thing - I can understand! When DD2 was born, reality hit that - oh yeah, she's going to have to grow teeth, and she won't be able to tell me what she wants right away. However, it's going well and it's actually nice because DD1 goes to school every day so I have time to spend with DD2 during the day and DD1 when she gets home from school and after dinner.

Not saying that 5 years is ideal for everyone, but it really works for us!
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