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  • 1 Post By sareymac
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  #1  
March 11th, 2013, 06:27 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
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I know parents who say they only spank their kids when their kids are about to do something that will get them hurt, such as running into the street. I can't speak for their own kids, but I never tried this with my own (mostly because I don't believe hitting is a healthy discipline option) but I strongly sense this would have been pointless with my own runner.

With my own kids, I explained from a young age that streets and parking lots were dangerous. We have a rule when you get out of the car you put your hands on the car door until we're ready to hold hands and walk to where we're going. Before they were old enough for that, I simply held their hand or baby wore, so it was a non-issue. My kids don't like getting boo-boos, and they trust me (I think AP played a role in that!) so when I say something is dangerous that is enough for them to not want to do it.

Except for my youngest. He's my runner. But the REASON he is a runner is BECAUSE he doesn't care about not getting hurt the way my other two are very concerned with not getting hurt. My son at the time was constantly doing things, getting hurt, and then doing it again minutes later. So much so that it was to the point I had to stop him because if left to himself he would just KEEP doing the same thing every 2 minutes that hurt him. So hitting him, as some people outside of this circle might advise--well, I can't see that doing any good. He wouldn't care and it wouldn't stop him--if it was going to, then the idea of getting hit by a car and how it's a bigger boo-boo than falling down outside would have been motivation enough, like it was for my older two. I'm not saying all kids are either like my older two or like my youngest, but hey, this is my experience.

I know one lady who told me years ago what her approach was. She got a tin can and put it in her yard and gave her kid a stick and told him to try to dent the can with the stick. He whacked and whacked and whacked. Still no dent. Then she had her husband stand with him and watch while she moved the can to behind her car wheel and ran it over, flattening the can. She showed the can to her son and said, "See how much damage a car can do? A car is bigger and stronger than you and could really hurt you if you hit it. That's why you stay with me in the parking lot and never run into the street." That lesson worked well for him.

It made me think how many creative ways there are to teach things to our kids. And, of course, I'm still a big believer in prevention. If I have a kid who is a runner, I know this, and so we take extra precautions. TO ME it makes no sense to hurt my kid because I don't want them to get hurt. Yes, getting hit by a car hurts more than getting hit by your mom or dad, but why not teach them this without hurting them at all. Some say it doesn't hurt their kid, just scares them, but I can't understand that either. You can teach a kid without scaring them. Even if I were to follow that logic, it really only makes me think that you are teaching a kid that getting hit by a car is like getting hit by your parent, and it's not. The lesson still won't be learned the way it should be, IMO. Perhaps they do more creative things afterward, but my experience is those things are just as effective without hurting or scaring the child in the moment.

So now I'm wondering what you all do to either 1) prevent your child being a runner or 2) stop your runner from being a runner.

With my youngest, it just took keeping a good eye on him and repetition until he understand.
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  #2  
March 11th, 2013, 06:50 AM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
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Hmm Gary is only 15 months so far he still listens when we say, stay by mama, or daddy. But i guess when the time comes I am not sure what I will do, I mean, We teach him as much he can possibly understand right now. He listens very well. We were playing in our front yard which is very small and we told him when he got to the edge of the grass by the road (we live on a quiet dead end street) come back by mama and daddy and he did. Not that we let him wander out without walking by him bc obviously, he could take off if we are not careful, there's really no telling what he will do ya know.
But anyway, I cannot imagine spanking over that. But i would be scared if he ran to the road. I honestly can say after all my ramblings. . . I don't know. I guess i will ask you ladies lol
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  #3  
March 11th, 2013, 07:08 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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sareymac, I think a lot of kids when you start to talk to them about things early and start to be active early (like you are with Gary) end up doing well. I mean, my youngest ended up being a runner, but my other two were fine and lots of my friends kids were fine, too, and all we really did for them was talk to them at a young age about it.
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  #4  
March 11th, 2013, 07:35 AM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Ever since Juliana was old enough to walk, I've told her we have a rule "We always hold hands in the street". She has been told that so many times that she tells ME when we get out of the car. It's a bit easier to say since I only have one, but I consider it MY responsibility to keep her near me in a dangerous situation, not her responsibility to stay near me. I will not rely on her obedience to keep her safe for quite a while longer (she's 31.5 months).
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  #5  
March 11th, 2013, 07:49 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I think you put that well, Jules. It IS our responsibility when they are young, and a bit unfair to put that responsibility on a young child that can't fully understand the situation and possible ramifications.
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  #6  
March 11th, 2013, 08:28 AM
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I think this is exactly the kind of situation that is the PARENT'S fault for allowing it to arise in the first place, not the kid's fault. Like I have also heard of moms "needing to spank" a 2 year old for repeatedly getting into the china cabinet. Ummmm....... why do you have a 2 year playing near an accessible china cabinet???? Toddlers explore, that is normal! And they love to run (some of them) and are not able to understand the danger of cars at that age, it is too abstract. I am constantly grabbing M from running into or near the street and reminding her that the street and cars are dangerous and talking about it to her, and I know she is slowly learning that boundary, but NOT enough that I would EVER trust her to not run into the street at her age. I always hold on to her hand or arm near the street or in parking lots. If she were to run out, I would let her see my fear reaction, I would try to explain to her the danger, but spank her? For behaving in a totally predictable and developmentally appropriate way? No way. It would be my fault, not hers.
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  #7  
March 11th, 2013, 09:28 AM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Eleanor is not a huge runner. I do tell her that we stop when we get close to the street, and she likes making a game of 'stop' and 'go' (thank you, Go Dog Go! ) so she kind of listens about it. She does not stop on her own, though, so I just keep my eye on her. If we are walking in a dangerous place (the street, parking lot, close to a busy street), I tell her she has to hold mommy's hand. If she doesn't want to, then she gets carried. She is too young for much else right now.
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  #8  
March 11th, 2013, 01:21 PM
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My little scaredy cat is thankfully not a runner. As a matter of fact she is obviously scared of cars some times. I havent had to deal with runners but if I had one I'd probably do what I do and just modify it according to their temperament.

I am a huge believer in preventing the behaviour. Parents know if their kiddo is a runner, why let them run? What I do currently is to hold hands a lot (bit hard with thick winter mittens and a short kiddo), hold onto clothing or then just let her walk next to me. I believe this allows her to explore her environment but safely so. Again she's not a runner so I dont have to be very strict. I have been trying to get her to walk more, as I dream of getting rid of the stroller after her second birthday. I never let her walk further than what I can easily get to her plus I keep an eye on what is happening around her. Even though she is not a runner I'd never trust her to stand say outside a car while my attention is diverted elsewhere for a minute.

I wouldnt ever spank her as I find the whole idea of spanking just irrational. Also that kind of violence against children is illegal in Finland. If I remember correctly Finland was actually the first country to outlaw it back in the 80s.
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  #9  
March 11th, 2013, 01:58 PM
Destiny
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My daughter is a huge runner. I'm pretty sure it's just personality. I just repeat again and again. She's way ahead in motor skills and way behind verbally, so at this point we give a simple explanation, hold her hand and lead her away.

When it's possible I'll hold her hand and walk around a place so she can can get out her energy and curiosity in a safe, secure way.
There have definitely been some scary moments with her, but fortunately nothing bad has happened.
Fortunately Eli is much more cautious and tends to stick to areas and situations he finds safe. I find it much easier to deal with than Eliana's insatiable curiosity, but I think that it will be very fun teaching her when she can verbalize her thoughts.
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  #10  
March 11th, 2013, 04:49 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fluga View Post
My little scaredy cat is thankfully not a runner. As a matter of fact she is obviously scared of cars some times. I havent had to deal with runners but if I had one I'd probably do what I do and just modify it according to their temperament.

I am a huge believer in preventing the behaviour. Parents know if their kiddo is a runner, why let them run? What I do currently is to hold hands a lot (bit hard with thick winter mittens and a short kiddo), hold onto clothing or then just let her walk next to me. I believe this allows her to explore her environment but safely so. Again she's not a runner so I dont have to be very strict. I have been trying to get her to walk more, as I dream of getting rid of the stroller after her second birthday. I never let her walk further than what I can easily get to her plus I keep an eye on what is happening around her. Even though she is not a runner I'd never trust her to stand say outside a car while my attention is diverted elsewhere for a minute.

I wouldnt ever spank her as I find the whole idea of spanking just irrational. Also that kind of violence against children is illegal in Finland. If I remember correctly Finland was actually the first country to outlaw it back in the 80s.
I am glad when I hear it's illegal. It's been banned in Deleware now, too, as of september 2012.

I don't understand the whole idea that it's a parent's "right". It also concerns me because it's taboo to tell a parent to stop spanking their kid, so no one speaks up, but one time I thought it was going to far and spoke up and made a scene at a school. The administration came out and it turned out the person spanking the child was NOT the child's parents. Which sort of made me think of all the times people have ignored it, because it's a parent's "right" when really it wasn't even the parent doing it. Not that I think the parent doing it is any better..
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  #11  
March 13th, 2013, 11:01 PM
KiwiMommy's Avatar Ashlynn's Mama
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Ash was never a runner when cars were around. She's scared of them. I told her over the summer that it's okay to be scared of cars because they are big and if you go in front of one that moves, you can get hurt. I remind her of this in parking lots as well, which really helps. She used to be a runner in stores though.. drove me crazy! I just keep her by my side and occupied. She LOVES to help!
If I can though, I keep her in a stroller or doing something just in case..or hold her hand. If I don't have my hands full, her hands is in mine at ALL times and she is not allowed to let go. I keep a firm but not too firm grip so she understands this.
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