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Nanny issue


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  • 1 Post By Jule'sMomInOR
  • 1 Post By crunchywannabe
  • 2 Post By Jule'sMomInOR
  • 1 Post By KatyG
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  #1  
March 14th, 2013, 09:30 AM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Yesterday I found a receipt in my car for Napa Auto parts from 10:15 am the same day, and a Starbucks bag. Our nanny was supposed to take Juliana to art class from 9:30-10:15, then then indoor playground. The art project was MIA. Napa is at least 10 mins, probably more like 15 mins, away from art class on the other side of town and the indoor playground is very close to art class.

I asked her about it this morning. She said they went to art class and she left early because they had to go to the bathroom. Then she drove to the other side of town to do her errand (because she "needed coolant for her car"), then back to the indoor playground. It would have been fine with me if this errand had been on her way home or something, but it was completely out of her way and she spent at least 20 extra minutes driving my car, using my gas, using Juliana's time that she could have been at the playground. She even had her leave early from art, presumably to fit the errand in without me noticing.

Obviously Juliana was not harmed, but this makes me angry. I have liked the nanny a lot until now. WWYD?

I want to start Juliana in preschool in the Fall, but only for about 2 hours at a time, 2-3 days per week. I like having her here with me while I work most of the time.
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  #2  
March 14th, 2013, 09:42 AM
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If this is something that really bothers you then I would make it clear that you are not ok with her taking your vehicle and child anywhere before running it by you in the future.
In any other job you would never take the 'company vehicle' to run personal errands on work time. I'm assuming the coolant was for her own vehicle? If it had anything to do with your car requiring gas, or coolant etc, then it really would have been your responsibility to get that in place before she takes the car for that day.
It sounds like this is something that will not be 'dropped' so be sure to talk it out with her! leaving it unsaid is only going to lead to more issues and continued mistrust.
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  #3  
March 14th, 2013, 09:44 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I'd be very upset, too. Keep an eye out to see if something like that happens again.
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  #4  
March 14th, 2013, 09:45 AM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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It was for her car. I spoke to her about it this morning. I made clear that this was not ok with me, neither using my vehicle or Juliana's time. However, I'm worried about the deeper issue that she may have tried to deceive me by leaving early from art class to give extra time to complete her errand.
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  #5  
March 14th, 2013, 10:45 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I would be worried, too. People like that just try harder to cover their tracks the next time.
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  #6  
March 14th, 2013, 10:56 AM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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She won't be able to cover her tracks because I installed a GPS tracking device in my car and I'll be checking it regularly. As in daily.

My mom would be thrilled to have the opportunity to come every summer and take care of Juliana. I thought we would have to pass because we didn't want to lose our nanny. I don't think this is worth firing her over, but it may be that it's not worth passing up a summer with my mom over. IDK. It's really hard to find someone good.
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  #7  
March 14th, 2013, 11:24 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Summer with your mom sounds like a better bet for you and your daughter anyway. I think it's smart you got the GPS thing going on now.
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  #8  
March 14th, 2013, 11:38 AM
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I would be concerned about the deeper issues here. If you can't trust her, to the point that you've put a tracking device in your car to keep tabs on her location, I would say that you need to reevaluate her employment with you asap.

From the perspective of a nanny, although inappropriate, I can see not giving it a second thought to 'run an errand' while out with the kids, just as 'mom' might have to do on occasion. (I have worked for families that were comfortable with this, and encouraged me to run personal errands as needed with the kiddos, and some who were not, for obvious reasons) This really could have just been a relatively small lapse in judgement on her part, and really no harm was done. You didn't say if she seemed understanding of your concerns or remorseful of what she had done. Once discussed you should feel comfortable that the topic can be dropped.

However it is my opinion that if trust has been broken to the point that you need to 'secretly' spy on her activities, she is NOT the person who you should leave your child with unsupervised. Same goes with nanny cams. Trust me, the nanny will always figure it out. I once had a temp. position where the family did not inform me of any camera. The mom then asked me about a specific event that happened that day, and without even knowing it, had told me all about it. In another short lived job, the child tipped me off. Personally I felt that if I wasn't trusted by the family, it was not a position I would stay in.

I think it's important to trust the person you are leaving your child with 100%. If you suspect that this may happen again (which is the only reason to install a tracking device) it's time to part ways now! Why wait for it to happen again? What would you do if it did happen again? If you don't think it would, the device is unneeded, and a pretty big slap in the face if it were to ever be discovered that you did install it.

At least I would tell her it's there before she figures it out on her own. That would show that you are being open and honest with her, as well as be the ultimate deterrent from doing something like this in the future. I think that knowing you are being watched is always more effective at preventing whatever behaviour than spying in secret.
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  #9  
March 14th, 2013, 12:25 PM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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As Ronald Regan used to say, "Trust but verify."
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  #10  
March 14th, 2013, 12:33 PM
ohnicole's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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As a nanny, I might have considered running an errand with the kids in my care if the errand was directly on my way and if the errand was just cutting out of "playtime". I would have never left a scheduled activity early to run across town and run an errand of my own unless I asked the parents first. It seems kind of weird to me.

Once Juliana is in preschool, will the nanny still be taking her to classes or other scheduled activities? If not, maybe that will solve your problem. Otherwise I'm not sure what I would do. It's good that you made it clear that it is not acceptable to take Juliana on personal errands without letting you know ahead of time, but I'm just wondering if other trust issues are going to start popping up over time.
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  #11  
March 14th, 2013, 12:44 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jule'sMomInOR View Post
As Ronald Regan used to say, "Trust but verify."
I think this is smart. I understand it might be hard for someone to feel not trusted, but unfortunately I think it's necessary. someone in my family was molested by a relative that EVERYONE trusted. A "nanny cam" would have saved a lot of heart ache by ending the abuse much sooner. No matter how much you want to trust someone, it doesn't always mean you should. And even when some people test your trust in them, that doesn't mean they aren't untrustworthy; they may have just made a mistake. It's not so simple as not checking on the people you trust or never giving opportunity to those who made a mistake. I think you are doing the right thing, especially since you really had good experiences with her up until now.
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  #12  
March 14th, 2013, 12:52 PM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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If I didn't work from home I would have a nanny cam on my own mother, literally. There is too much at stake and I need to know what's going on.
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Last edited by Jule'sMomInOR; March 14th, 2013 at 03:07 PM.
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  #13  
March 14th, 2013, 02:30 PM
KatyG's Avatar Super Mommy
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I would be pissed not so much about running the errand but the deceptive part. I have a nanny cam at my house because I would rather be safe than sorry later. I think you handled that perfectly.
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  #14  
March 14th, 2013, 05:45 PM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
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Ugh. I hate that she tried to deceive you. My babysitter runs errands with my son all the time (of course with her own vehicle) she always calls/texts and tells me though. I know its not the same thing, but its just courtesy you have someone else's kid you let know them know where you are ALL THE TIME.
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  #15  
March 15th, 2013, 12:37 PM
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I would think really, really hard about whether you are happy with this nanny overall and whether you are willing to go through another nanny-search anytime soon before I made any decisions about whether to take action on this occurrence.

I don't believe the nanny "deceived" you in any way. If she wanted to cover her tracks, she surely would not have left reciepts in your car, nor would she have told you what she did at all when you asked. Frankly, I don't think she saw it as that big of a deal. And I really don't either. She had an errand to run, she figured she would fit it into her day out with Juliana and did just that.

Would it have been better if she consulted you about it first? Of course. But, don't kill me, I get the distinct feeling you wouldn't have okayed it anyway. In which case, tis better to ask for forgiveness than permission....

Truthfully, I worked for someone who sounds a lot like you. Just from what I can gather. I nannied for her adorable son and her tiny dog. Lol. I did small house chores and ran errands sometimes. It lasted all of two months because she was constantly "addressing" things I did "wrong." Like how I loaded the dishwasher, what I chose to fix her son for lunch (because I made chicken the night before, I shouldn't have fed him chicken for lunch the next day), and what times of the day I chose to take him outside. It drove me absolutely nuts. I loved the kid, always did what I thought was fun/best for him...but I was human and to have every second of my day dictated by someone who couldn't seem to see the benefits of the situation left me feeling resentful and untrusted. If I had found out about a nanny cam or monitoring device, I would have left immediately.

If the nanny is worth keeping (and I suspect she is if her greatest slights are leaving some trash in your car and running to napa to get some coolant for 20 minutes of one day), I highly suggest you give her the appreciation and respect she deserves. You addressed the issue...now drop it. If you insist on the GPS, have the respect to tell her about it. Otherwise, I fear you risk her deciding that the enjoyment she gets from being with Juliana will be overshadowed by the sense of "defeat" she feels from being constantly corrected and tracked by you.

Yes, Juliana's time is important...but so is her sense of attachment and I don't see how switching nannies, again, is necessarily in her best interests. Especially when it's over 15 minutes of an art class and $4.00 in gas.
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  #16  
March 15th, 2013, 01:13 PM
NinjaCakes's Avatar Awesomesauce
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She's an adult, she should be able to cop to it out of respect for you and herself. Call me extreme, but I believe deceit isn't sporadic. It's typically an established behavior pattern. I would be concerned as well.
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  #17  
March 15th, 2013, 01:35 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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"But, don't kill me, I get the distinct feeling you wouldn't have okayed it anyway. In which case, tis better to ask for forgiveness than permission...."

I'm not sure I understand the sentiment here. I think I'm reading it wrong. Is this basically saying "doing something you know someone won't want you to do and just apologize for it later because you know if you ask the answer would have been no"? (If so, sounds like a few religious practices I know of lol).
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  #18  
March 15th, 2013, 03:24 PM
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^^That is exactly what I was saying. Although reading it again, it looks like I am condoning that sentiment and I wasn't/don't. But it may have been along her line of thinking. I should have put it in quotes or something.

And yeah, I know there are lots of religious and otherwise sects who absolutely follow that sentiment. Not really one I love, but I know plenty of people who have no issue with it. But that kinda goes along with our discussion of why people always feel the need to tell white lies!
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