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Bringing things up with your kids...


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  • 1 Post By Social Halfwit

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  #1  
March 20th, 2013, 05:34 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
With my boys, I can talk to them right away, but with my daughter, she likes to talk about things on her own time. Usually if there is something I want to talk about with her, I've learned to say, "I want to talk to you about XYZ. Let me know when you are ready to talk about that." Of course, that's not always the option, but I try to offer her that courtesy where I can, and many times she'll say "We can talk about it now." I think it just makes her feel un-pressured. Sometimes, though, I say it a few times and she never seems to want to talk about it, so then if it becomes a pressing matter (which is almost never!) I tell her, "We need to talk about XYZ now. Let's go grab a snack and we'll find a quiet place to snuggle and talk" and she is receptive to that, too. I imagine some people might think that's a bit like walking on egg shells or something, but it's not to me, the reason being I think it's really just courteous! I know I don't always want to talk about what someone else wants to talk about the second they want to, so it's a bit like a compromise (talk about what I want when you want or what you want when I want). In fact, I think it's taught my kids to be courteous, too. Many times they will come to me and say "When you are ready can you do this with me?" or "When you are ready can you talk to me?" I do it with my husband, too. If I see he is on the phone or computer, I say, "When you're done, let me know. I want to ask you something." (He does this for me SOMETIMES and I LOVE when he does. When he doesn't, it's kind of annoying like he expects me to drop what I'm reading mid-sentence to hear what he has to say lol). So, IDK, it works for us, but I get that it's not for everyone.

Does anyone here have any special ways they handle bringing things up with their kids (or a spouse)?
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Last edited by alittlelost; March 20th, 2013 at 09:18 PM.
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  #2  
March 20th, 2013, 08:25 PM
Social Halfwit's Avatar the shade of it all
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Denver
Posts: 964
I can not talk about things directly with Big Boy. He will shut down so fast my head spins. I have to open the door and let him walk through it, which for me (impatient as can be) is super frustrating and difficult. He was in therapy in school this year and his therapist really helped me understand how to open that door with him and allow him to talk to me instead of pressuring him into talking to me. It has helped a lot but it is still a struggle. He has a lot of problems with how his father treats him during the weekends, and he's just now starting to tell us what's happening, after almost two years of being there every weekend. It's scary and frustrating.
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  #3  
March 20th, 2013, 09:16 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Oh no! That sounds tough. *hugs* sounds like he's really lucky to have you, someone who cares about him and puts in the effort to meet him where her needs you to to open up.
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