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Trusting Other PPL with Your Kids


Forum: Attachment Parenting

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  #1  
March 29th, 2013, 08:30 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
Do you struggle, or hesitate, with trusting other people with your kids?
Do you have a limit on how much you trust particular people?
Is there anyone you trust 100%?
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  #2  
March 29th, 2013, 08:36 AM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: OCNY
Posts: 6,437
Do you struggle, or hesitate, with trusting other people with your kids? Yes. BUT that being said. . .Gary has only ever stayed with his sitter that watches him all week when we work, or my mother & father inlaw. Ohh and my aunt twice.

Do you have a limit on how much you trust particular people? Yes. We are particular. Thats why he doesnt usually go anywhere.

Is there anyone you trust 100%? My mother in law and my babysitter. I have zero worries about them.
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  #3  
March 29th, 2013, 08:56 AM
Social Halfwit's Avatar the shade of it all
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Denver
Posts: 964
Do you struggle, or hesitate, with trusting other people with your kids? Absolutely. I never get out because I do not feel good about leaving the boys with strangers.

Do you have a limit on how much you trust particular people? Yeah, I'm very skeptical. I hired a sitter when I started school, and I felt so good about her because she'd had great references and seemed very good. Well, she wouldn't show up some days, wouldn't even call, and when she WOULD watch him, she'd always insist on taking him to her house even though I had told her I wanted someone to stay in my house with him. Everytime she'd bring him home, he would be a dirty diaper. She'd say that he had just peed/pood while they were in the car, but I'm not a stupid person. The whole situation seriously damaged any ability I might've had to leave the kids with anyone else.

Is there anyone you trust 100%? I trust my DF 100%. He's a little lazy, but he does great with the boys and they usually end up having fun on their "boy bonding nights". I also trust Brig's father, who is still very involved with Bodhi. They have sleepovers at his house whenever Bodhi gets extra days off school. I hope one day I can trust DF's sister, and our neighbors up the street (I babysit for them and they are always begging to return the favor but I haven't taken them up on it yet).
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  #4  
March 29th, 2013, 09:32 AM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 11,649
I do have struggles with trusting people with the boys. It's less that I think they can't handle their needs than me wanting to be present and experiencing things with them.

There are absolutely limits on who, to what extent I trust them, and with what specific circumstances. Once I left Liam (he was almost 3) with my MIL, against my better judgment, and was angry at myself afterward. I came home to him trapped behind the end table, crying, with a poopy diaper and his entire back of his pants wet, he had not been fed anything (not essential, but I left cut-up grapes and cheese in the fridge), and my MIL was on her computer in the dining room. I was so mad and sad for Liam and because I did it to him. Especially because I was so hesitant to leave him. Sadly, I was glad I opted to take Kieran. She said she could handle both and I just wasn't comfortable with that. So, yeah, I now know to trust my gut on who. But of those I trust, I trust absolutely.

Yep. My mom, my dad, my youngest brother, Julia's godmother, my friend Cathy. I have never needed to broaden that circle. But I would trust most of my aunts, several cousins, and even my brothers GF if I needed care for some reason.

I am lucky, we have lots of folks around who are very invested in my kids and whom I generally feel confident in leaving them with.
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  #5  
March 29th, 2013, 10:59 AM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: OCNY
Posts: 6,437
Ohhh I forgot to add I trust my husband. . .but I was thinking outside of us.
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  #6  
March 29th, 2013, 01:17 PM
IronMamma's Avatar -Child Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 4,128
Do you struggle, or hesitate, with trusting other people with your kids? I actually do. I feel like no one will watch / take care of Drake as good as I will or DH will. We are very "strict" with him, meaning no crying, bottles when he wants, he basically runs the show. Within in reason of course, if he is not getting hurt then I am ok with it.
Do you have a limit on how much you trust particular people? Yes. I am not a person that trusts people easily and especially with Drake.
Is there anyone you trust 100%? DH is the ONLY person I trust with him, and even sometimes I have to remind him of things.
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  #7  
March 30th, 2013, 07:11 AM
Destiny
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,755
Do you struggle, or hesitate, with trusting other people with your kids? This is a big issue for me, and I never get out because there's no one I trust with my kids. The few people that I've tried to trust have failed horribly.

Do you have a limit on how much you trust particular people? I highly distrust my parents, they act like the world's nicest people until the doors are closed and no one's looking. I would never ever leave my kids alone with them for more than the time it takes to use the restroom or take out the trash. I distrust my in-laws, not because they were shoddy parents, but because they disrespect me so dramatically that I wouldn't put it past them to purposely do the opposite of what I ask just out of spite. (and they have before, so I know it's not as groundless as I sometimes hope)

Is there anyone you trust 100%? Just my hubby. I really hope this will change some day.
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  #8  
March 30th, 2013, 11:49 AM
Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,057
Do you struggle, or hesitate, with trusting other people with your kids? Not yet, it hasn't been an issue.
Do you have a limit on how much you trust particular people? No
Is there anyone you trust 100%? Of course, DH, my mom, my FIL, any aunt or uncle who knew what they were doing. I don't completely trust my dad with M at this age because he is so absent minded and doesn't foresee obvious dangers very well, but I trust him to, like, be nice to her and stuff. Similar with my brother, he just doesn't know how to do childcare. My ILs have more experience!! And I do totally trust them. Once M starts preschool I will be trusting the teachers there to take care of her, I know they will do a good job and they know what they are doing.
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  #9  
March 30th, 2013, 01:22 PM
NinjaCakes's Avatar Awesomesauce
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,331
I don't trust anyone with a child I'm minding, even if the parents do. If they're in my care it's my responsibility to keep them safe and that includes from other people. I already have a list of people who I don't trust that I won't be leaving my baby alone with - a much longer list than the one of people I do trust.
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  #10  
March 30th, 2013, 04:57 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
Do you struggle, or hesitate, with trusting other people with your kids? I do... Reason being that everyone in my family, including me, trusted my grandfather . . . and then right before he was diagnosed with cancer we found out he was molesting my little sister. I also trusted a school teacher with my son; her and I go along great and she seemed so great with the kids whenever I sat in on class. I found out she was dumping out my son's lunch when he wouldn't listen, breaking his toys when he wouldn't listen, and once dropped him on the floor. My son said it was on purpose; I didn't assume it was, but shortly after that my son was trying to step on her foot and while I was trying to stop him she INTENTIONALLY stomped on his foot. I was literally horrified. I left (we walked home from school) and she literally followed me back to my house trying to tell me it wasn't what it looked like. Hello . . . I WAS RIGHT THERE. I SAW FOR MYSELF WHAT HAPPENED. I also once saw what I thought was a parent beating their child in the parking lot, and I yelled for them to stop, and the school officials came out and handled it. Turns out, it wasn't even the child's parents doing that. So, my experiences have certainly shaped my ability to trust people with my kids.

Do you have a limit on how much you trust particular people? Yes, and it's always changing.

Is there anyone you trust 100%? ONE HUNDRED PERCENT. No. I guess because there are people that I WOULD trust 100%, but then I think of my grandfather and think, crap, maybe it doesn't hurt to just always realize there is a possibility I'm wrong about who I trust. but we have sitters and family members that I trust a lot, I would even say 100% if not for my previous experiences.
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Thank you Jaidynsmum for the beautiful siggy!
Check out the Attachment Parenting Board for Effective Parenting Solutions.
PM me if have questions about autism, TTC gender swaying, natural childbirth, going "vaccine-free", or if you are looking for gentle discipline advice.
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  #11  
April 2nd, 2013, 06:23 AM
alwayssmile's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 2,816
My kids rarely aren't with me. We have no babysitter here. I don't trust random strangers and we don't have close friends here to rely on. I am picky about who does watch my kids when it's needed. When Zoe was born Aiden went with my SIL who lives in another city an hour away. I trust her with my toddler. I will let both grandparents babysit, but they live 12 hours away. My kids don't have the ability to tell me when something isn't right, so I don't like to leave them. I just can't bare for something to happen to them, so they stay with me.
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