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Getting Kids to Talk


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  • 1 Post By NinjaCakes
  • 1 Post By breathing for two

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  #1  
April 15th, 2013, 08:10 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 6,905
Are there ever times where you think your child has something to talk about but they seem like they don't want to talk? With my daughter, I've learned there are times that she wants to talk and times she doesn't. She NEVER wants to talk immediately after any kind of event/activity, even if it's about something positive. I've started to just leave her alone and wait until later at night or the next day. What is amazing is that if I give her that space, she not only talks to me, but she talks to me a lot and is completely open to anything I have to say as well. I think my husband and one of my friends think I am "letting her be mean" because I don't make her talk when she doesn't feel like it, but I see it more as being respectful to her. I know sometimes I'm not in the mood to talk and it bugs me when people try to make me.

I also read recently about this thing called "Roses and Thorns". Instead of asking the child how their day was, the parent asks if the child's day had any roses or thorns. Some people use high points and low points or something similar. I might try that if I ever need to, but I still think with my daughter it will mean giving her space first before talking.

Do you have any tips for you how you get your kids to talk?
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  #2  
April 15th, 2013, 12:21 PM
NinjaCakes's Avatar Awesomesauce
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Illinois
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Each child is such a unique individual that I think it's hard to say there is a 'right way.' Some kids have a need or desire satisfied by being prodded to talk, and some will only pull away if they feel forced. Then there are the ones who will say anything to anyone and need no encouragement at all

I've dealt with kids who really, really needed to talk but for one reason or another (usually their parents punishing them for expressing their feelings in the past) did not feel safe or comfortable doing so. With those kids I gently let them know it is always an option for them to talk if they want to, and leave it at that. I don't get upset with them if they don't want to so they know they won't be punished no matter what they do. I may ask occasionally about something small to remind them that I do care, but I don't ever try to force it.

I agree that it is a matter of respect. They need to be taught that they have a right to talk about their feelings or withhold them if they want to, like everyone else. Nobody should be taught to accept that someone can force their feelings out of them (or anything else). More importantly, they do need to know that talking about their feelings (with the right person) is healthy and necessary. It is a hard lesson to teach and often people do not learn it until they've already adapted a very unhealthy system of dealing with their emotions. I wish this was something they would focus on in schools more.
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  #3  
April 15th, 2013, 01:14 PM
Destiny
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,755
I agree with a lot of what's already been said. I'm still at the point where I'm encouraging my kids to simply speak, but it's definitely an encourage but don't force situation.
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  #4  
April 18th, 2013, 07:11 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Quote:
Originally Posted by breathing for two View Post
I'm still at the point where I'm encouraging my kids to simply speak, but it's definitely an encourage but don't force situation.


Drake is still too little really, but I agree with this.
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