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  • 1 Post By Pretty Crispy
  • 1 Post By IronMamma
  • 1 Post By NinjaCakes
  • 1 Post By Pretty Crispy

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  #1  
May 10th, 2013, 05:11 PM
NinjaCakes's Avatar Awesomesauce
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Illinois
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I'm so frustrated and let down. When I got pregnant I told my mom flat out, if you won't smoke outside when I'm here, tell me now and I won't come over anymore. She was all promises and assurances that she would and not to worry about it. Since then we've been arguing about it almost every time I see her. I can't count how many times I've caught her sneaking cigarettes around me. Today I fell asleep on the love seat, woke up and there she was, cigarette in hand (and foster son not 10 feet away)! I didn't even bother to argue, I just sat on the porch until my step-dad got off work and asked him to take me home.

It has been this same story my entire life. She lives in her little pool of denial and deception and nobody is more important than herself. It's ok as long as I don't know about it, it's ok as long as she's on the opposite side of the same room, it was "just one," "the smoke stays over here by me," blah, blah, blah. When her excuses aren't enough for me she says she's trying to quit and I don't give her enough credit or support her, I'm just mean and hateful. News flash: it isn't my JOB to quit for you and it isn't my FAULT that you can't do it!!! I never once asked her to quit, I simply asked her to do it outside when I'm there, and she agreed. So why is it my fault that I expect her to keep her word for the sake of mine and my baby's health????

I'm just done. I give up. I'm not going there anymore; clearly it was wrong to hope that I (or my baby) could ever be important enough to her for it to matter. That's all I've wanted my entire life and I must have been a fool to have kept believing it was possible.
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Last edited by NinjaCakes; May 10th, 2013 at 05:13 PM.
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  #2  
May 10th, 2013, 05:41 PM
Pretty Crispy's Avatar Proud Momma
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Hugs. I've been in the exact same situation and don't visit that family member or allow them to smoke when they visit, not even outside. If they smell like smoke when they visit they can't hold or even be near my son. It's very sad that some people won't change for the good of others including their children and grandchildren.
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  #3  
May 11th, 2013, 01:44 AM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Location: Arizona
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First of all I know EXACTLY what you are going through and how you feel. I go through this too with my neighbor and my Mom. For some reason, now I am not bashing anyone that does smoke, but from MY experience I have noticed that when a non - smoker asks a smoker to please not smoke around them they act like you just burnt there house down. I have no idea why. And even when they assure you that they won't they WILL. My Mom says the SAME thing. That she is trying to quit and I don't give her credit, mind you she has been saying this since I was 12 and I am 28... You are NOT a fool for believing she would change. I am the SAME way. My Mom lives less then 5 minutes away and she sees Drake MAYBE twice a month, and when she does she is too busy on the phone or ignoring him, and we have gone to her house she will sit on the back porch and smoke. Really Mom?!...he is only small for so little, and she wonders why he acts so weird and shy around her. Well hello, he does not KNOW you.

Brb, Drake is fussing. I will write more later.
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Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
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and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

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  #4  
May 11th, 2013, 09:40 AM
NinjaCakes's Avatar Awesomesauce
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrskk826 View Post
It's very sad that some people won't change for the good of others including their children and grandchildren.
It really, really is. I'm seriously dreading people coming to see us ever, because I will have to be the "bad guy" and tell them to wear something smoke-free when they come and wash their hands before they hold my baby.

Quote:
Originally Posted by IronMamma View Post
For some reason, now I am not bashing anyone that does smoke, but from MY experience I have noticed that when a non - smoker asks a smoker to please not smoke around them they act like you just burnt there house down. I have no idea why. And even when they assure you that they won't they WILL.
You hit it right on the head, there. The selfish breed of smokers are just like that. My mom gives me the "sorry I'm not perfect" guilt trip and expects me to just drop it. Sorry, nope. I tell her flat out, don't just apologize to me, apologize to my baby/the other people in the room, its their bodies you're damaging. Then she gets really ticked. Well, what the hell do you want from me? If you get to be a selfish jerk then so do I. Outside is just a stones throw away. Don't tell me my baby and I will be safe in your house if we won't! If I can't know that I can walk into a room with her without hitting a cloud of smoke, she won't be in your house.

Double on the fact that they put cigarettes first. It's like they don't realize or don't care that they don't have forever. Kids grow up fast, and you can't DVR life. If you have to step out to smoke and something exciting happens, that is not my fault. I won't be sacrificing my childs health to make sure they are accommodated. They'll be sitting there one day regretting all the things they missed so they could have a cigarette.
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  #5  
May 11th, 2013, 09:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NinjaCakes View Post


You hit it right on the head, there. The selfish breed of smokers are just like that. My mom gives me the "sorry I'm not perfect" guilt trip and expects me to just drop it.
Yesssssss!!! I cannot agree more!!!!!! And then she makes ME feel like I did something wrong. SOOOO beyond irritating! My Mom will be dead broke (so she says, I don't know anymore...) yet she will ALWAYS have cigarettes. Always. She will not buy food to buy cigarettes, and her car will be on E and she will buy cigarettes. I think that is pathetic. Ditto on them putting cigarettes first. My Mom will literally stand outside for hours at a time on the phone smoking and then when she comes in she will "act" like a Grandma and want Drake all of the sudden and he wants NOTHING to do with her. Well, duh Mom....

OH! And another thing! When Drake was first born I told my Mom she needed to wash her hands after she smoked if she wanted to touch him. Oh if looks could kill. AND one day she smoked, came in and Drake was fussing and she asked if she wanted me to make a bottle and I said "yes please, but make sure you wash your hands." She just stood there and like stared me down the look of death..UM HELLO! Wash your hands and make that bottle. Its nothing serious! Jeeze!!
__________________


Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy

Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #6  
May 11th, 2013, 10:24 AM
Pretty Crispy's Avatar Proud Momma
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^ I make everyone wash their hands and use sanitizer the second they walk into our house, smoker or not!
I was dreading being the bad guy before DS was born but once he was here I was all about protecting him and now I'm used to it. I know I've really pissed off some family members by telling them they couldn't hold him but oh well they will get over it faster than if he got sick from them.
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Last edited by Pretty Crispy; May 11th, 2013 at 10:27 AM.
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  #7  
May 11th, 2013, 12:46 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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^^ I also make everyone take off there shoes. Weird I know, well not weird to me. You walk in stores, walk in pee, spit, vomit, fecal matter and who knows what else. Shoes are NOT allowed in my house. We take them off at the front door. They stay outside. Shoes are made to protect your feet, so they also protect my clean floor where I lay on, play on and Drake eats on. (you know what I mean, when he drops something. I feel safe knowing the floor is not gross from the public)

I have also pissed off family members. In fact, my middle brother and I have been absolutely insepprible our WHOLE lives, but will not talk to me anymore because of the way I parent. That hurts the most out of anything. Like who cares what I do?! Not like my son is in danger. Who cares what precautions you take. Its YOUR baby and you only want whats best.
__________________


Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy

Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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