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  #21  
May 17th, 2013, 07:47 PM
TreeTog's Avatar Love is in the Air!
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: La Porte, TX
Posts: 2,325
I have 2 boys. Ryan is 5yo and Liam is 2yo. They are almost 3 years apart. Ryan took a long time to conceive, 10 years after a miscarriage. Liam was a surprise. At first, Ryan hated Liam and resisted everything to do with Liam. Ryan has Autism and hates changes.

About a year ago, they started playing together at times.

During the first couple of years, I felt bad for Ryan. His whole world had changed and he wasn't top dog anymore.



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  #22  
May 17th, 2013, 08:55 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
Join Date: Jul 2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IronMamma View Post
Lost, my point is, he was the only child yet he got no attention. That's lame if you ask me.
Oh, I totally understand. It's lame when it happens to any child, though, ya know? and it's not any less likely to happen because of being an only child. It happens because of the PARENT not because of how many kids the parent has (and that's my point).

If you feel like your family is complete, then it is! And if you change your mind down the road you do, and if you don't, you don't! You aren't less experienced just because you have one. Ignore anyone who tries to make you feel less because you have less kids. That's not how it works. We're all 100% moms to 100% of our kids, no matter how many we have, and that's a big task.

Trust me, just like people give you slack about "experience" as being a mom to one, moms to many get judged, too! People try to make them think they aren't as good to the kids they have because they (supposedly) can't give each kid the same attention they would get if they were an only child. Those people just don't realize that they do get the same amount of attention. Sometimes in different ways, but it's there, and so is all the love in the world. And likewise, those who think having a lot of kids makes them more "experienced" just don't understand that every child is different, and they could have 100 kids and still won't have THE experience that YOU do. It's your experience, and no one is more experienced at it than you are, I can promise you that!

There are pros and cons to every family size. There is no "better" family size. There's what is right for you, and that is all that matters. Just keep in mind that even though you don't think it's possible for you to be a 100% mom to more than one, it IS possible, IF you ever wanted that. The proof is in all the mamas who do it already. We are just as good to our multiple children as you are to your one, and you are just as good a mom of one as a mom of many is to many.

Because like I said before, who we are as parents has nothing to do with how many kids we have. We'll all have the right amount for us, and no matter how many or few that is, we'll always give them 100% of our love 100% of the time.
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Last edited by alittlelost; May 17th, 2013 at 09:05 PM.
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  #23  
May 18th, 2013, 05:35 AM
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I wish people would mind their own business. I get comments all the time too. Oh you have a boy and a girl now you can stop! Umm excuse me how is my family size any of your business? Even though we are done I don't tell people that. I always say if I want more than I will have more. Don't worry about what other people say if your family is happy then that's all that matters.

And I agree with everything lost says.
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  #24  
May 18th, 2013, 12:25 PM
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I think that for us one thing that made a great difference was that DD1 was 3 when her sister was born. I remember seeing her as a 2 year old and still needing so much from me and how would I be able to give her any less of my attention. At the same time I wanted a sibling for her because I have grown up with one and didnt want her to miss out on that. I also wanted them to be close in age to have things in common. DD1 grew and matured a lot during the time I was pregnant and was quite ready to be a big sister. We had zero problems with her being jealous. Baby sister came and was with us all the time. As a matter of fact the first time we got away for a moment just the two of us she said it was sad that lil sister wasnt there too, I think that DD2 was at least 2 or 3 months by then.
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  #25  
May 18th, 2013, 02:21 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Ok ladies, I have to admit. I have always thought about having another child, and so has DH and the ONLY thing that makes me NOT want too is the fact that I am scared Drake will be left out. Me and DH had a long talk last night. Actually, we talk about having kids / not having kids every single day for like a year now, no lie.
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  #26  
May 18th, 2013, 02:27 PM
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Drake won't be left out because you won't let him. Its more about how you parent then how many kids you have. You guys are awesome parents and will be to more than one kid if you want more. Only you and your dh can decide what's right for you guys. I think you are an amazing mamma!

Don't let being scared dictate having another kid. If you do have another one it will all work out and you will be a great mamma to both of them. If you guys talk about having more every single day then I think that right there says it all. Just my opinion not trying to tell you what to do!
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Last edited by mama_2_Callen; May 18th, 2013 at 02:31 PM.
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  #27  
May 18th, 2013, 04:08 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IronMamma View Post
Ok ladies, I have to admit. I have always thought about having another child, and so has DH and the ONLY thing that makes me NOT want too is the fact that I am scared Drake will be left out. Me and DH had a long talk last night. Actually, we talk about having kids / not having kids every single day for like a year now, no lie.
If part of you wants another kid, don't clear the idea off the table just yet. You don't have to decide right now. You can decide when Drake is 3 or 4 or older if you want to! And I agree with Mama2Callen . . . it's about how you parent, not how many you parent. If you have another, Drake will NOT be left out. Because you won't let that happen. I know sometimes, no matter how many kids you have, having more seems impossible. Having more seems like you won't have time for them, etc. But once it happens, it DOES work out. Are there times where you feel like you are being pulled in 10 directions at once? Yep. But you know what? That's true even when you only have one child. That's just life.
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  #28  
May 18th, 2013, 07:18 PM
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It took us a long time to get pregnant with DD#1. Admittedly, we kind of hastily decided to try for #2 because one day I decided I didn't want our older daughter to not have a sibling to lean on when we die (no lie). I got pregnant the first month we tried and I was wracked with guilt for nearly the entire pregnancy. I cried a lot, thinking that what we had done was going to mess up our daughter forever and at times, I really regretted our decision. As the time got closer for DD#2 to arrive, I cried a lot more often. I just was really, really worried that we were majorly messing up a good thing. #1 was 4.5 at the time.

However, now I wouldn't change it for anything. Sure, it may take a while to get your lives readjusted to having an extra family member. However, remember that kids are very resilient. Also, since our daughter was older, she already had her own little outside life. She goes to school every day, has friends, and is involved in extracurricular activities. So me not being there for her at every beck and call doesn't bother her.

If you're worried about sharing your attention, you can always wait until Drake is older. I love the age difference we have (4.5 years)! In my opinion, unless "No way!" is your knee-jerk, immediate reaction to the question of whether you want any more children, you're most likely going to have more! It's just a matter of when!
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  #29  
May 18th, 2013, 10:33 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Location: Arizona
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You ladies have given me some great advice. In my heart I want ONE more, in my brain, I am scared. I KNOW I can love them both, I am just so scared. I do not want my life to repeat. I know I am stronger then that though.
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Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy

Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #30  
May 20th, 2013, 10:05 AM
Jule'sMomInOR's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 4,862
I think a lot of your concerns can be alleviated by just waiting a long time between kids so Drake is more independent. I still think I'm going to be done at 1 but DH and I decided that if we do have another one, there will be roughly a 5 year spacing.
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  #31  
May 20th, 2013, 11:15 AM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,974
DH and I have TTC a few times and I am scared to death about a lot of things. I know I can be a good parent, I am just worried.
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Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy

Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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