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  #1  
May 20th, 2013, 04:42 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Arizona
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So my cousin and I were having a discussion about something yesterday. Nothing to do with our kids, nothing. And then out of the blue she says this to me...

(Note: I am copying and pasting)

it is your business how u raise your son and I know he is as sweet as they come, now but u are creating something u may be sorry about in the future, no cry policy, do whatever u want, there are very few people who raise them like that because it rarely ends well...

Really?...what was the point of that?...needless to say she said a lot more things and I pretty much wrote her off. Drake does NOT do whatever he wants, I tell him "no" all the time. I do not understand people. Why do family seem to think they have the right to constantly butt in with your parenting style?...I feel so done with my family.

We were talking about money, just a little info so this next part makes sense:

(Again, copied and pasted)

u REFUSE to get a job, u n Dave agreed this was the way u wanted, did u want to be broke, do u want to struggle through every day, do u want ur baby to only know struggle and not how to cope because u shelter him?

I am a SAHM, we chose this yeah. I shelter Drake?...I beg to differ. ANYWAYYYYYYY I cannot stand my family. I needed to get that crap out.
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  #2  
May 20th, 2013, 04:59 PM
Destiny
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 2,755
Ugh, completely uncalled for, not to mention based only on opinion.

I'm sure that plenty of mom's of older kids can tell you exactly how wonderful AP is for your kids. In fact the one adult I know that was raised in an AP manner is so kind and sweet it's almost too much.

As for being a SAHM, you are doing what's best for you and your family. Other people's opinion's can matter, but not when they're shoved at you by someone who is more concerned with being right than being loving.
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  #3  
May 20th, 2013, 06:02 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,383
Ughh family. That is exactly the reason we don't talk to hardly any of ours. I am sorry that she was being so judgmental. That was completely uncalled for. Obviously if Drake Is such a sweet kid than you must be doing something right.

I don't understand why people think they know what is best for your family. If you and your dh decided that you being a sahm was best for your family then everyone should respect that. I am a sahm too and it is financially hard sometimes but it would be even harder with 2 kids In daycare. And honestly I want to be with my kids I don't want to work. Hugs family sucks.
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  #4  
May 20th, 2013, 07:09 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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the proof will be in the puddin'
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  #5  
May 21st, 2013, 12:36 AM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Location: Arizona
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So she messaged me today and told me and I quote word for word:

"You are not the best parent you can be."

I am not even responding, I am completely done with her. Then she goes on about how my family talks about my parenting style. Mind you my family lives in NY and I am in Arizona...yet they talk about me yet they have only seen me MAYBE 3 times since I have Drake...are you kidding me? But I guess that means you are thinking of me so whatever. And you know what, I could say a million things but I won't. My cousin has 2 kids, and they are disrespectful and they talk back, etc. So obviously she is doing something wrong if you really want to point fingers. Ugh.
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Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #6  
May 21st, 2013, 04:30 AM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
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WOW. Thats bs. This is why i limit who i talk to only its the opposite with mine. It's about me working. Everyone does what is right for their family, I just dont understand why everyone thinks they have a right to tell you what you SHOULD do. I hate that. And sooooo many people do it. Pathetic. Pay attention to your own family.
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  #7  
May 21st, 2013, 04:40 AM
ComfortablyMum's Avatar <3 Mummy 2 Eve <3
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FGS that's so bs!!

I feel for you! Especially if they ARE talking about you behind your back. That is so childish.

At least Drake will know love & respect. I can hardly say your cousins kids are that way inclined (going by what you said).

It's sad
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  #8  
May 21st, 2013, 08:58 AM
TreeTog's Avatar Love is in the Air!
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Location: La Porte, TX
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I would respond back -
I know that I am not what you think I should be or could be, but I really don't care. I am happy with my life and MY decisions. You can either respect my choices or get the hell out of my way. I am glad that my life is so interesting to you and the family. I am sorry that your life lacks substance, so you have to tear apart mine. If you can't be supportive, then please stop contacting me.

Leslie
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  #9  
May 21st, 2013, 09:08 AM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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She's probably really insecure with her parenting style. She needs you to parent like she does because then she would feel validated. This all happens subconsciously. You are better than me, because I would tell her, "Clearly no parenting style creates perfect children--not even your own--but for as long as this parenting method is bringing up a happy, healthy, respectful little boy, I will continue to parent this way. I am happy for you if you feel what you are doing works for you, and I would appreciate the same kind of support in return, however, I don't need your approval to be what *I* think is the best parent a parent can be. I will always raise Drake in the way that gives me the healthiest and best results with him, and if you don't like that, that's your choice, but there is nothing you can say to bully me into adopting a parenting styles I think are detrimental when what I am doing is already working so well."

Or, if you're feeling snarky:

"You are not the best parent you can be."
-"And you are not the best person you can be."
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  #10  
May 21st, 2013, 10:52 AM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Location: Pavia, Italy
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I've noticed many people say things like that, but research doesn't agree with that stance. Most people where I live are AP (although they don't really call it that here) and the kids are awesome and turn out to be respectful and well adjusted teens and adults. Your cousin lives in a bubble.
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  #11  
May 21st, 2013, 11:49 AM
NinjaCakes's Avatar Awesomesauce
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Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,331
Wow. She certainly knows everything, doesn't she? I'd like to see the research she's done on AP and have her explain how she came to her conclusions based on the facts.

She is obviously very insecure if she feels the need to attack you like that. Sucks to be her.
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  #12  
May 21st, 2013, 12:01 PM
Mega Super Mommy
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Location: Northeast Georgia
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I agree that she sounds really insecure, I've found the only people who criticize AP tend to be people whose kids aren't what they thought they'd be.
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  #13  
May 21st, 2013, 04:40 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Location: Arizona
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I agree. I actually said to DH that I am sure she feels guilty about something to criticize the way I parent considering she has only seen me TWICE since I have had Drake. Does not even make sense. Growing up my Mom always shyed away from this side of the family, and I never EVER understood why but the older I get the more and more I see why she did. They are nothing but judgmental people.

Oh and for the record. I blocked her from my FB and I will not pick up when she calls. I am a SAHM you all know that. We are not dirt poor, but we are not rich. We are fine. We make ends meet. Well she told me this morning that I make Dave suffer because I chose to stay home...um, we BOTH chose for me to stay home. She also said and I QUOTE "You're life is a downward spiral, continue to live in your selfish bubble and shelter Drake. He will see what kind of a parent you are one day."

I don't know whether to laugh, cry or be mad. I do not let it get to me but it still hurts.
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Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #14  
May 21st, 2013, 04:53 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Wow, I mean, that doesn't even PRETEND to sound like she has good motivations. She seriously sounds bitter and angry.
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PM me if have questions about autism, TTC gender swaying, natural childbirth, going "vaccine-free", or if you are looking for gentle discipline advice.
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  #15  
May 21st, 2013, 05:01 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Location: Arizona
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I agree. I am not going to try and even figure out what this is about. She started saying this stuff completely out of text as to what we were talking about. I have a good life, I cannot allow her to drag me down.
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Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy

Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #16  
May 21st, 2013, 05:21 PM
Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 1,383
Wow. That's ridiculous. I wouldn't talk to her either. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life. You are an awesome mamma to Drake!
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  #17  
May 21st, 2013, 11:09 PM
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How absolutely rude of her!

My parents and siblings are very supportive of attachment parenting. They have their moments where they feel DD1 should have more boundaries, but they're not rude or imposing of their views. As for the rest of my family, I NEVER discuss parenting because quite frankly they stink at it but want a mother of the year award. I'm pretty sure the things I've seen/heard from them to their children is not okay, appropriate, or conducive in any way shape or form. And when they have told me homeschooling and breastfeeding a toddler is harmful I just change the subject because this is how I choose to parent. And your cousin is right, we are the best parents that we can be because we know what is right and best for our children. You know Drake best!
I wouldn't pay any attention to her. I have family members that thrive off of conflict and I just ignore them. In fact, I, too, have cut out my cousin from my life for that reason. She annoys me, is rude, and loves to criticize me. *rolls eyes* I don't have time for her pettiness.
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  #18  
May 22nd, 2013, 03:58 AM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Thank you Emily!

I do not even discuss the way I parent at all. I will say I do something IF and only IF it's brought up or my friends ask me directly. I am not the type of person to butt in and talk about what I do, which is why it baffles me she even said anything at all.

I have literally "written" off almost 95% of my family. For example; her sister and I were having a discussion at Thanksgiving about Obama. And I said that I did not agree with him, she asked me if I voted and I said no. (I personally do not feel the need to vote since I know how the voting system works BUT that does not mean you cannot. I respect anyone that does) Well she continues to tell me "You have no place to speak, nor do you have the right."

Bottom line:

I am different. I have tattoos, piercings and I wear band tees, sweat shirts and jeans. I do not "look" like your typical Mom so people (only family) look down on me like I am awful or something. It's absolutely ridiculous.
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Thank you *Kiliki* for my perfect siggy

Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #19  
May 22nd, 2013, 10:22 AM
Eowyn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
Join Date: May 2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IronMamma View Post
Thank you Emily!

I do not even discuss the way I parent at all. I will say I do something IF and only IF it's brought up or my friends ask me directly. I am not the type of person to butt in and talk about what I do, which is why it baffles me she even said anything at all.

I have literally "written" off almost 95% of my family. For example; her sister and I were having a discussion at Thanksgiving about Obama. And I said that I did not agree with him, she asked me if I voted and I said no. (I personally do not feel the need to vote since I know how the voting system works BUT that does not mean you cannot. I respect anyone that does) Well she continues to tell me "You have no place to speak, nor do you have the right."

Bottom line:

I am different. I have tattoos, piercings and I wear band tees, sweat shirts and jeans. I do not "look" like your typical Mom so people (only family) look down on me like I am awful or something. It's absolutely ridiculous.
I can relate with the voting thing- I've had some horrible things said to me by people because I didn't vote last election.

Im really quiet about my parenting beliefs too- I like to think that they speak for themselves and since I am always getting compliments on their cheerful behavior I usually don't feel like I have to
argue my point when people disagree with how I do things. (usually it is family of course)
But at the same time it's important to stand up to attacks when they do come.

And you sound like a cool mom to me! When I'm out at parks or playgrounds with my kids- the other moms with tattoos and jeans and a cool t-shirts are the first ones I migrate towards, lol!

It's ridiculous you should be judged for not 'dressing the part' - dress the way you want!
who says you have to look a certain way to be a good mother?
I think people like that who are judgmental - see you being confident and happy in who you are- and are just downright jealous.
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  #20  
May 22nd, 2013, 10:51 AM
sareymac's Avatar Mommy to Gary & Adalyn
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Ugh this b-tch is p-ssing me off now. Why would she continue the bs?!
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