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Handling Tantrums


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  #1  
June 15th, 2013, 11:23 AM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Small Town, Alberta, Canada
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Avery (22 months) is just starting to tantrum.

Yesterday we were heading somewhere on foot, and she didn't want to go in the direction we needed to- she wanted to go the other way. I tried waiting, I tried calling her to come, I went and got her and held her hand to come with me and she kept trying to walk the other way. then she started to tantrum and scream because I wasn't letting her go that way. I ended up having to carry her kicking and screaming the whole way where we were going (it was only 1 block).

Half way there I tried putting her down, saying I know you are upset honey, but we have to go this way, etc. No help.

She kept tantruming when we arrived at our destination, until she saw her grandpa.

Any mamas with older babies have any tips for dealing with tantrums!? What should I have done? It wasn't so bad carrying her one block, but if we were going farther I couldn't have carried her.
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  #2  
June 15th, 2013, 12:49 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Aw I know what you mean. Drake does that sometimes too, but no tears just pure frustration. Usually I end up carrying him just like you did and I tell him "It's ok baby. See, we are almost there." Not that he understand (he is 18 months) but I like to communicate with him anyway. I honestly don't have any advice since I am kinda in the same boat. But I think you did it right, I would have done the same. I hope that some other Moms with more experience can help you. Sorry!
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  #3  
June 15th, 2013, 01:06 PM
Destiny
Join Date: Oct 2009
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I think the tough thing about tantrums is that so many kids are going to need different reactions. Eliana is passionate, but sensitive. With her I need to let her know I'm here when she wants to cuddle and wind down. I sit near her with a distraction of my own and wait it out.
With Eli, who is more happy and outgoing. I just hold him and distract him, in the rare cases he becomes inconsolable I sit next to him and wait like I do with Eliana.

Everything's more complicated in public, but I think I would get them to a safe place as soon as possible to let them work things out.
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  #4  
June 15th, 2013, 02:17 PM
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I understand completely my daughter is the same age and does the same thing. I handle them the same way you do. I also ask her to help me. She loves to help so usually if I ask her to help she will stop throwing a tantrum and take my hand and be happy cuz she is helping me.

My 3 year old son on the other hand is different. He won't calm down no matter what he just needs time. So its really difficult if we are out in public. I just try to explain to him what we need to do and sometimes that works.
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  #5  
June 15th, 2013, 09:35 PM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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I agree with Destiny. It is different in public, and in public they seem to act out a little more.

I would just imagine over time it will stop because sometimes I feel like tantrums just have to run there course. But I am no expert.
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and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

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  #6  
June 16th, 2013, 05:27 AM
Eowyn's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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Tantrums are usually a childs final straw. When they are so small it is hard for them to communicate their needs and once the tantrum starts they can get so worked up they couldnt even tell you why they are upset even if they had the vocabulary to do so.
The best way to avoid tantrums is to be able to respond to their needs before they get to that 'last straw'.
Routine really helps very young ones;
Often small children are just brought along-with no idea what will happen next.It really helps if they know what is going to happen next. communicate even if you think they are too young to understand. I think the biggest trigger for tantrums in young ones is over tiredness, the hunger grumps, overstimulation.
Frustration in not being able to communicate clearly to adults is super frustrating. Imagine being in a foreign country and only knowing a few words of their language and trying to get by....it would be very challenging for even an adult not to get frustrated with such a situation.
there might have been something really fascinating in that other direction she just was not able to communicate to you. maybe she thought she saw her grandpa that way and you were pulling her away and she just was distraught over not understanding.

When you understand the source of the tantrum it's much easier to know how to respond. sometimes you just don't know the reason but kindness is always the right response.
I don't believe in ignoring tantrums, children need their parents attention-even if they have to scream to finally get the parent to finally pay attention.
I don't think responding to a child who is screaming for attention will teach him to scream-I think that WAITING to respond to a child teaches him to have to scream, kick and act out to finally achieve the help he needs from his parent teaches him to go straight to a meltdown instead of trying to communicate first.
if a child feels confident that 'mom will pay attention when I tug on her purse or point over there' they won't collapse and wail on the floor instead.
My daughter responds best to physical touch and calming words. I hug and speak softly to her.
My son reacts best to multiple options " I understand you're upset we can't do 'this' but instead you can do 'this' or 'this' " Giving him options almost always solves the problem.
You get to know what works, and often its a process of elimination.
In public its hard to not feel all eyes on you and your crying little one-
but DONT focus on what other people think! Focus on your LO.( Obviously sometimes, like church/hospital etc or something, you have to relocate to be considerate of others.)
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  #7  
June 16th, 2013, 07:14 AM
Quantum_Leap's Avatar frequent flier
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Beau does almost this exact same thing on a daily basis. We go on lots of walks outside together as a family, but both Beau and Charlie are very strong-minded and always want to be the 'leader' when we are outside exploring the trails together. The rule is that they have to take turns being the leader, but more often than not one or the other of them will throw fits whenever it's the other person's turn. I often end up having to carry Beau long distances. It's quite wearying.

The thing about Beau's tantrums is that once he's started one, he very quickly forgets why he was originally upset and then just screams because he's screaming. He has to have some distraction in order to 'snap out of it.' I've found over time that for him, the thing that works the best as I am carrying is either to sing to him or to start reciting one of his favorite books to him (we have certain books that we've read together so often that I have them memorized!) If I just start whispering or singing softly in his ear, he'll usually calm down and listen. Sometimes we even play the game where I sing the first part of a line, then leave out the last word and let him fill the word in. He really likes that, and he'll stop screaming so that he can concentrate on playing it. But of course, different things work for different babies.

Avery is just a little bit younger than Beau, right? I think that one of the biggest issues for them at this age is just language. They're in the middle of or on the verge of a huge language transition, and they get frustrated easily because they can't express themselves fully. I remember that when Charlie was this same age, he still did throw tantrums, but they were a lot more manageable because his language was more developed and we could usually talk to him and reason with him (at least a little bit). But Beau's language is delayed (even though he's really smart), so he gets super frustrated. We all just do our best to be patient with him until he gets through this phase.
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  #8  
June 16th, 2013, 07:35 AM
TreeTog's Avatar Love is in the Air!
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I put my child in a safe place and let them tantrum. They are angry and they need to let it out. You can't reason with a child in tantrum mode. They are human, when they have had enough, they need to blow. It is how we teach them after the tantrum that matters. We have to teach them to use words and how to monitor their own feelings and behaviors.
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  #9  
June 16th, 2013, 07:34 PM
angelsailor288's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I usually either try to ignore him or distract the tantrum. If both or one of those doesnt work, I go sit him down on his certain chair and walk away. I dont even have to make him stay there or anything but the fact I did it, changes his attitude. I know that wont work forever but it does right now lol
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  #10  
June 17th, 2013, 12:33 AM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Ya know, I think Drake does not have them now that I think about it. He does not cry when I have to pick him up, direct him away from the street, hold his hand or whatever. He will fuss for like 5 seconds and then be fine. You ladies are talking about kicking, screaming and crying right? Things like that?
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connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

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  #11  
June 17th, 2013, 01:45 AM
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Yeah Kellsey kicks, screams, thrashes and throws herself on the ground. It doesn't happen very often but its terrible when it does. I feel bad for her she's so upset.
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  #12  
June 17th, 2013, 06:22 AM
joonzgurl's Avatar Proud mama of 2 girls
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Oh yes- kicking, screaming, back arching, crying, laying on the ground screaming. She turns bright red. This is just starting for us. I thought she had been trantruming before... I was wrong, lol!
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  #13  
June 17th, 2013, 07:22 AM
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Beau went through a phase where he would bang his own head against the ground or against a wall when he got really frustrated. Thankfully he's stopped that now.
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  #14  
June 17th, 2013, 10:16 AM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Ok yeah, Drake does none of that. His longest "tantrum" lasted maybe 20 seconds without a single tear. I think it's more frustration then anything, but that's not to say it won't happen in the future.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quantum_Leap View Post
Beau went through a phase where he would bang his own head against the ground or against a wall when he got really frustrated. Thankfully he's stopped that now.
Oh man that is awful! So glad he stopped that! I bet that was scary and sad at the same time.
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Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #15  
June 18th, 2013, 01:20 AM
ComfortablyMum's Avatar <3 Mummy 2 Eve <3
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Eve has tantrums, but not like the above ^ (kicking, crying, screaming etc..). She gets over it pretty much instantly when I take her away from the situation or distract her.

I hope she stays this way! LOL
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  #16  
June 18th, 2013, 06:46 AM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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That's how Drake is too Gabbs. I can easily distract him and he is over it super fast.
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Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #17  
June 18th, 2013, 05:05 PM
ComfortablyMum's Avatar <3 Mummy 2 Eve <3
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^ I bet we don't know what's coming
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  #18  
June 18th, 2013, 07:14 PM
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My 3 year old hit me in a store the other day while pitching a fit. I was livid. So frustrating trying not lose your cool while simultaneously giving your child the `I mean it` message.
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  #19  
June 19th, 2013, 10:22 AM
IronMamma's Avatar Intactivist
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ComfortablyMum View Post
^ I bet we don't know what's coming
I know right! Im scuuuuured!
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Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
Gentle parenting is about guiding instead of controlling,
connecting instead of punishing,
and encouraging instead of demanding.
It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

)O( Peace on Earth begins at Home )O(

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  #20  
June 19th, 2013, 05:11 PM
ComfortablyMum's Avatar <3 Mummy 2 Eve <3
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Me tooooo LOL... for real!
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