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Attachment parenting and child spacing


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  • 2 Post By ashj_1218
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  #1  
December 6th, 2013, 12:28 PM
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Do you think that your decision to be a more attached parent changes your opinion on child spacing? What is the ideal age difference for you if it matters to you?

I just see so many of my friends who want to have 2 or 3 close together to "get it over with" and then move on from that stage of their lives but I see that the more time a child has with mom before the next one comes can be very beneficial.

Thoughts on ideal age gaps?
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  #2  
December 6th, 2013, 01:39 PM
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I think it's going to be different for every family. The personality of the children and parents just leave so many variables. One persons ideal isn't the same as the next. I like our spacing, it can be a little over-hectic at times, but it works for us. 18 months and 26.
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  #3  
December 6th, 2013, 04:56 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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At the time i had my first 3 close together, I enjoyed that. And it definitely had it's benefits and did not prevent my ability to practice attachment parenting. However, my 4th was born at a larger gap (5 years) and now that I can compare a short gap to a larger one, I can say I like this larger gap better, for me personally. I know plenty of people who also have kids close and far and some do prefer having them closer <3
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  #4  
December 6th, 2013, 08:42 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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My choice to have my children close has nothing to do with wanting to "get it over with" but everything to do with wanting similar-staged children. I do not wish to attempt to have a middle schooler and a newborn. It's not my style and I know that about myself. I actually enjoy the chaos that surrounds my house. It's a happy sound, kids running around, jibber-jabbering with each other. I actually feel very "in the zone" when it comes to parenting because I don't need to shift between doing homework, taking tweens to sporting events, or waking babies from naps to do pick-ups or drop-offs. I feel I spend my days in a baby zone where we do lots of reading and cuddling and playing. And then I will move into the school zone as my children age.

Honestly, no. My parenting style didn't affect my thoughts on age gaps. I didn't really plan to be AP before my children were born. And I grew into it as I muddled my way through with my firstborn. But the only aspect that affected my spacing thoughts was the fact that my period wasn't returning as quickly after my second child. We wanted to start trying for another when he turned one and I still hadn't gotten a period yet. We started trying anyway and it turned out I was ovulating and conceived. I always knew I wanted my kids close together. Spacing of more than 5 years never appealed to me at all. And while I see it's benefits to the child, getting some additional one-on-one attention, I feel they lose some benefits as well, in regards to siblings. There are trade-offs.

And strangely, perhaps, most of the AP parents I know have their children closer together (similar spacing to mine) versus many of the non-AP parents I know.
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  #5  
December 7th, 2013, 09:29 AM
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This post is helpful for me because even though I only have one child so far, dh and I are currently discussing when to ttc our next. I really want kids close together but breastfeeding is extremely important to me and theres a high chance my milk will disappear for a bit. We are considering ttc when ds is 1 but I know we won't be any where near done nursing at that time. It's a definite push pull in my head right now
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  #6  
December 7th, 2013, 01:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pretty Crispy View Post
This post is helpful for me because even though I only have one child so far, dh and I are currently discussing when to ttc our next. I really want kids close together but breastfeeding is extremely important to me and theres a high chance my milk will disappear for a bit. We are considering ttc when ds is 1 but I know we won't be any where near done nursing at that time. It's a definite push pull in my head right now


I agree! My mom got pregnant with me when my brother was 9 months old and her milk dried up so fast he couldn't even be nursed until he was a year. So sad because it is huge for me too. I want to nurse for the first 2 years.

But then since my brother and I were only 18 months apart and we were so close I think it would be fun to have two close together. It is hard to know.
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  #7  
December 7th, 2013, 05:23 PM
alittlelost's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I had low milk supply with my first son. I got pregnant when was 6 months old. I breastfed him through pregnancy and tandem nursed for months after my daughter was born. He received breastmilk until he was 18 months old. Just throwing that out there
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  #8  
December 9th, 2013, 06:53 AM
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We had initially discussed having a gap of about two years between LO and the hypothetical next one. The reason for that is mostly due to our situation with our siblings. DH is 8 years older than his brother. He says in some ways it was nice because each of them got to be an "only child" for half of their life at home. DH for the first half and BIL during H.S.. But he also gets sad about not being close to his brother. I'm four years older than my brother because my parents wanted to avoid having two kids in college at the same time (HA! I took 6 years to finish the first time around). My brother and I aren't at all close either, but due to a lot of things, I can't say that we would be any closer if we were closer in age.
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  #9  
December 9th, 2013, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Sugaree View Post
I'm four years older than my brother because my parents wanted to avoid having two kids in college at the same time (HA! I took 6 years to finish the first time around). .
LOL I think this sums up this whole thread is that you can think you plan out your family to fit your needs but you don't know what your families needs will be and they have plans of their own so maybe it doesn't matter. I mean what if you never went to college....it could of been the other way around.

BTW I took 7 years to get through college so yeah who knows anymore.
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  #10  
December 9th, 2013, 09:40 PM
ashj_1218's Avatar Hiya!
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I think that trying to weigh every single angle and make plans that will be "ideal" means you prolly won't ever have another child. It's just about what feels right to you (be that time and space or sibling closeness or avoiding two in diapers, etc) and go with it. There is always something that won't be quite as you intended. I do think it's smart to think about your future goals and how age spacing might play into that. Or think about current placement and how a sibling might affect what you have going at the moment. But it's hard to say if it will be as you plan.

I wanted mine close so they would have similar abilities at similar times...but I could have had a child with special needs who wouldn't ever have similar abilities. I could have had a hard time getting pregnant. Or I could have 5 kids close in age, none of whom really are interested in the same stuff as one another and I still end up stretched between them because they are vastly varied in their needs. Or I could end up getting pregnant by surprise (failure of BC method!) when I am 45. Lol.

It's hard to know what is going to work and what won't. But I don't often hear of age gaps being detrimental to children. Even my aunt, whose kids were 11 months apart and she readily admits she was far too hard on her older son, since she expected too much out of him after his brother came along, turned out with a pretty balanced and pleasant adult child. I guess it's about adaptability too. And if you aim to make it work, it will!
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  #11  
December 10th, 2013, 08:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ashj_1218 View Post
My choice to have my children close has nothing to do with wanting to "get it over with" but everything to do with wanting similar-staged children. I do not wish to attempt to have a middle schooler and a newborn. It's not my style and I know that about myself. I actually enjoy the chaos that surrounds my house. It's a happy sound, kids running around, jibber-jabbering with each other. I actually feel very "in the zone" when it comes to parenting because I don't need to shift between doing homework, taking tweens to sporting events, or waking babies from naps to do pick-ups or drop-offs. I feel I spend my days in a baby zone where we do lots of reading and cuddling and playing. And then I will move into the school zone as my children age.
Pretty much this. I actually never planned any spacing it just happened. I love having my first 2 17 months apart. It was a little tough in the beginning but I feel like now we have such a good "routine" going. They are almost at the same stages and want to do the same things so its actually really easy. I am due in feb with our third and I am actually kind of freaking out about there being 2 1/2 years between my 2nd and 3rd. I just feel like I have moved on from the baby stage and now I am starting all over again. After this one I do not want anymore because I feel like there will be too much space between my oldest and youngest and I don't want my oldest to get to far into school while still having a newborn. I didn't really plan to be AP it just kinda happened and the spacing I think makes it easier because they are so close and want to do the same things at the same time.
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  #12  
December 10th, 2013, 10:57 AM
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Thanks for much for sharing. I think what I am hearing is that there are benefits to each age gap.
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  #13  
December 13th, 2013, 02:08 PM
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I am one and done because I am terrified of not being there for Drake 24-7.
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  #14  
December 13th, 2013, 03:36 PM
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Originally Posted by IronMamma View Post
I am one and done because I am terrified of not being there for Drake 24-7.
Oh honey.....I think I feel like this most days but I am hoping it will pass as my baby is only 10 months old. I think there has to be a healthy balance. Is Drake high needs? My baby is TOTALLY high needs so I am thinking I wouldn't try to have another until he is at least 2.5.

They are a ton of work but totally worth it.
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  #15  
December 13th, 2013, 10:11 PM
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Drake is just a little over two now. I would not say he is high needs. The only thing that is "tough" about him is he wakes a few times a night still and he is a picky eater. Other then that he is just perfect! I am 99.9% sure I am one and done. DH def is. I was neglected as a child, so I know a lot of how I feel is a little deeper.
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Want to find a calmer way to parent? Please visit here HINTA Hitting Is Never The Answer
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It's about listening, understanding, responding and communicating.

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  #16  
December 14th, 2013, 08:20 AM
angelsailor288's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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My kids will be exactly 3 years apart by the time baby is born and I'm hoping this to be a good spacing. Nicholas should be more self sufficient by then, and we are working on him being in his own bed.
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  #17  
December 15th, 2013, 06:06 AM
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I wanted 3 all close together..... My ideals have been shot out the window as my youngest will be 5 before this one is born.

I kind of like it though, I feel like I'll be able to focus on baby, but also be able to give the older kids the attention they need that is not every 5 minutes where they'll need something.

This will all be new to me.
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