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Baby born opposite of ultrasound prediction.......


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  #1  
September 4th, 2009, 06:45 AM
10x_A_Mommy's Avatar formerly mom_of_8
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Tennessee
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So my neighbor and I got in this debate yesterday. She talked about a friend who was told during her entire pregnancy that the baby was a boy (at least 2 ultrasound tech's said boy). So she did the whole boy nursery, boy clothes, boy name, etc etc. When the baby was born it was a girl. She loved her daughter and was excited to have a baby girl, but at the same time she felt like she lost a son and mourned him for a very long time. My neighbor thought that was stupid and that a person can't mourn someone that never even existed.

What do you think?

My view is that if you believe you are expecting a son, He exists to you and is very much real and that it is totally normal to feel as if you lost a son if he is born a she instead.
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  #2  
September 4th, 2009, 03:46 PM
HailandNevansmom's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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I saw my u.s. sex pics at 20 weeks pregnant when i was choosing a photo of his face for myself... and i saw that it was boy.. it was kinda obv, so yes i very much believe you can become attached to your baby as certain sex... wether you know or met them or not.

I was never told what my baby was, i just simply believed so strongly by what i saw in the pics, and from my heart that it was a boy. So when he was born via emerg c section, i said how is he???? if they had of said he was a girl then, i would have ben shocked!! Because I so believed in my heart, mind, body, and soul he was a boy.

If an u.s. tech had told me it was a boy, i might also become shocked if it was a girl, but also in the back of my mind somewhere, i thought it COULD very well be a girl, and that if it was, I was prepared for either or. But still, knowing he was a boy outweighed anything else, and I was attached to him as a boy for sure.
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Last edited by HailandNevansmom; September 4th, 2009 at 03:49 PM.
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  #3  
October 17th, 2009, 01:00 PM
Kalia20's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Your neigbor even have a kid?? I think the neigbor is being a bit harsh and heartless. I would probably feel a sense of loss myself but be happy at the same time.
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  #4  
October 17th, 2009, 04:07 PM
(.Y.)mom2dd(.Y.)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kalia20 View Post
Your neigbor even have a kid?? I think the neigbor is being a bit harsh and heartless. I would probably feel a sense of loss myself but be happy at the same time.
^ Ditto.
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  #5  
October 17th, 2009, 04:47 PM
beck12's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Lots of people feels ways about circumstances & experiences that we can't always relate to - but that doesn't make the feeling wrong or invalid. I am certain she didn't feel like she had really lost a son (as in the same feeling she would have had her baby died instead of been a girl) - but certainly a loss nonetheless...and she has a right to feel that. There is only one time I can think of that I didnt' care that someone was going through this same scenario & it was after a number of losses & so badly wanting a baby, I couldn't summon up any sympathy for someone having the "wrong" gender & being upset...as I was only thinking how darned lucky they were to have a baby of any gender. But again that had more to do with me & where i was at emotionally than anything being wrong with her feelings about it. Perhaps your neighbor is clouded by something like that - either losses herself or someone close to her & might be a tad bit overly quick to say everyone with a baby that is healthy should be thrilled & have zero room to complain or voice anything other than pure bliss regardless of any other circumstance. It seems to be a rather common theme for a lot of people.

Speaking of which, I had a feeling Ds was a girl for most of my pg, I was told they thought he was a boy, but he want' super cooperative, so they werent' sure. Even so, when he was born 7 a nurse proclaimed rather loudly "she's beautiful" I was completely taken aback & immediately said "SHE???" - and the Dr said "Oh let me check...no it's a boy!"...but for a moment I felt VERY disoriented despite thinking he might be a girl, after being told several times it was a boy - I had gotten MORE into that mindset than I thought.
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  #6  
October 17th, 2009, 06:07 PM
aussiemummy
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The neighbour might not have meant harm, people tend to blurt things out without thinking sometimes.

I think she has every right to 'mourn' her baby. She was expecting one sex and got the other. I think it's natural to do that.
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  #7  
October 21st, 2009, 12:08 PM
WineKeepsMeSane's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beck12 View Post
Lots of people feels ways about circumstances & experiences that we can't always relate to - but that doesn't make the feeling wrong or invalid. I am certain she didn't feel like she had really lost a son (as in the same feeling she would have had her baby died instead of been a girl) - but certainly a loss nonetheless...and she has a right to feel that.

yup, that. Just because we don't understand or wouldn't react a certain way doesn't make the other person wrong. This certainly isn't the only person I've heard of reacting this way.
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  #8  
January 22nd, 2010, 06:20 PM
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If with either daughter I found out at birth she was a he I would have most definitely mourned... When I found out it was a girl both times I started having dreams of little girls, picking out little girls names and clothes... I became attached to a the image of what it would be like to stare into my daughters eyes, how I could share all the things mothers and daughters share and experience, how I would feel when she had her own children and imagining seeing her in a wedding dress... Yes, maybe to some that's odd to think that far away but I felt all those feelings and emotions. If after all the bond I thought I made it would have really hurt to have been told she was a he... Of course, I would have loved him and began making a new bond with new dreams but to have to forget about about the little girl I became attached to it would have hurt...

Maybe your neighbor was confused with actually mourning a person and not the thoughts, dreams and attachment of the gender you were carrying...
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  #9  
October 5th, 2010, 10:07 PM
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I refused to become attached to my son as 'male' until he came out, even though there was no doubt from any ultrasound tech. But I totally get the mourning of your plans and dreams when that which you have assumed is true turns out not to be.
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  #10  
October 6th, 2010, 07:13 AM
AMDG's Avatar Margaret
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Hmmm... I was told my first was a girl but I didn't experience any of this people describe. We had been calling "her" by name since the 20 week ultrasound and were absolutely shocked when she was a boy! we have joked about it ever since but I was not upset, nor did I mourn at all. I guess everybody is different.
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  #11  
October 6th, 2010, 10:25 AM
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She has every right to fel the way she feels. When I was pregnant with DD, I knew I was finally ready to have a girl, I had lost three daughters and if she would of been born a boy I would of mourned the fact I would of never had a daughter on earth with me. I never trust one or two utrasounds, if it wouldn't been for the 10 I had I wouldn't of believed she was a girl.
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  #12  
October 6th, 2010, 03:10 PM
*Jennifer*'s Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jintana View Post
I refused to become attached to my son as 'male' until he came out, even though there was no doubt from any ultrasound tech. But I totally get the mourning of your plans and dreams when that which you have assumed is true turns out not to be.
This reminds me of DH not getting attached to our son until he was born. In fact, our son was known as "The Worm" by my DH until just before he was born. We even had the lady who painted the nursery include a small painting of a worm.
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  #13  
October 22nd, 2010, 12:02 PM
Girl IS my name's Avatar Mega Super Mommy
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(I'm lurking here!) That actually happened to a friend of mine recently. She was told she was having a girl. Multiple times. She's diabetic so she had to go into the hospital at like 20 weeks to be put on bed rest. She has had u/s after u/s after u/s. All the times they told her it was a girl. She delivered at about 31 weeks I think. It was a boy! I think they were just so grateful to have a healthy baby after her having such a trying pregnancy, that they didn't care what gender it was. They are kind of in a lurch right now because everything was prepared for her having a girl.

In my own personal opinion, I feel for the lady, but really... only one person knows/decides what gender your baby is going to be. Ultimately He gets the last say. But I don't have kids yet either, so I've never been through that.
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  #15  
October 24th, 2010, 10:01 AM
HappyHippy's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I told my DH that if our second son came out a girl I would probably have a moment of mourning for the son I thought I was having. My whole pregnancy I felt I was having a boy and u/s confirmed it, but then people kept telling me I was having a girl because I was sick, or I was carrying this way (all myths). At the end I felt like, well if I do have a girl I will still be happy, but I will feel sad for the baby I thought I'd be having.

I never met my embryo from my first pregnancy that ended in a loss, but I still mourned the baby that could have been. And I think about it a lot and still get sad that I never got to carry that baby to term and meet him.
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  #16  
October 28th, 2010, 06:49 PM
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It's only natural to mourn the lose of a dream or hope. It happens all the time.

When I was pg with DD#2 I was nervous of this happening so we waited until I was around 27 weeks and had a 3D u/s. There was no mistaking that she was a girl!
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  #17  
March 14th, 2011, 09:44 PM
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If I want to be mad or sad, or happy or glad about a car being orange, then I will and no one can take that right away from. I am allowed to feel whatever I want.

It is if I act on those emotional is a wrongful manner that it becomes an isse.

Let the poor woman morn her loss.

On another note, they said DD was a boy. 3u/s. I knew they were full of crap. Baby was all about boy, boy, boy. I said I am picking the girls name since you don't believe it is a girl. I should have bet a million dollars on it instead of just the name. LOL
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  #18  
March 22nd, 2011, 12:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mama2seven View Post
My view is that if you believe you are expecting a son, He exists to you and is very much real and that it is totally normal to feel as if you lost a son if he is born a she instead.
I am a first timer here and all along just "knew" I was having a boy. I had boy dreams, a boy named, pictured having a boy, etc. Then I had two ultrasounds that both said girl. Of course, I KNOW there is a change that she could turn out to be a he. But I spent an entire day crying...not because I am carrying a girl, but because I had pictured this little boy in me for the last 5 months. Now I am totally stoked about having a little girl, but I get sick of seeing posts where BTDT moms can't seem to "empathize" with how on earth first time moms could ever be upset about a gender. Like I said, I wasn't upset about her gender...I was basically mourning the loss of my "son".

Just my 30 cents worth. =)
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  #19  
April 25th, 2011, 01:59 PM
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I agree with OP. To believe your entire pregnancy you're having a boy, to name him, buy him clothes, put together his nursery, and then find out your little boy doesn't exist...I think I would probably grieve that in some way emotionally. I would be thrilled with my daughter, but you can't help how you feel.
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  #20  
December 11th, 2013, 01:20 PM
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i believe someone with OP. throughout my pregnancy with Keegan, we were told he was a girl. already having a son, the prospect of a daughter was so exciting that we did everything; new clothes, painted the room, all that. when Keegan came out, yes i was thrilled he was healthy, but i had a hard time bonding with him because i felt i was robbed by not having a daughter. it didn't help much that bunch of people around me were having girls too. after about two weeks it just clicked that he was my new little guy and i didn't want to trade him for the world.
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