Boy or Girl?

Boxerlove1 · #1 March 29th, 2006, 04:04 PM

Ok, here's my beef....

I get so pi$$ed when I hear people say "Oh I WISH it had been a BOY!" (or girl) or "I'm so depressed I had another GIRL!!!!!" It really makes me angry!

I guess losing a perfectly healthy child very late in pregnancy like I did, it kinda opens your eyes to things that most people take for granted. Personally, i don't care if this one is boy, girl, hermaphrodite.... WHATEVER! As long as it's h/h and comes home, I don't care.

I think it's totally selfish for parents to take on this attitude. Each child is a blessing and should be treated as such intead of some burden for being who he/she is. I know firsthand that people don't always get what they want......

Is anyone feeling me on this? I have literally talked to women who are in the midst of a nervous breakdown b/c they have 3 boys and they always wanted a little girl. We must live FOR our children, not live vicariously thru them.

Smashley · #2 March 29th, 2006, 04:25 PM

yea thats horrible! i was happy with whatever i got.. In a sense i do feel liek I lost a child tho (well not lost but never got to know) because she wasnt the other sex, but i would feel like that either way. I want both hehe. But i would never be unhappy if i never got a boy i love my little girl soo much..

Banned-Ella! · #3 March 29th, 2006, 07:29 PM

I totally agree! I think it's HORRIBLE when people say things like that. I just dont understand how a love for a child isnt unconditional. There are tons of women out their who are incapable of concieving, but yet people still take that fact for granted. I dont care if I have twenty girls.. or twenty boys.. each and EVERY one of them is a blessing that can be taken away from me at any point of time.

winnowill · #4 March 29th, 2006, 08:58 PM

Now I have said that I wish this one would have been a boy. But I'm not about to have a breakdown or anything like that. I was wanting a boy because this is my last child and we have 3 girls already. I was a little disappointed at first but now I'm just happy tha I'm going to have another baby. We have decided that we will adopt a boy later when we get in a position to do so.
There are some circumstances when I can see how upsetting it would be like in the case of hereditary illnesses and such. If I was having a bot I'd really probably be a mess because there is a form of dwarfism that runs in my family that so far has only affected the men.

Lekilig86 · #5 March 30th, 2006, 08:02 AM

"We must live FOR our children, not live vicariously thru them"
I 110% agree.

People take children for granted everyday though...whether it be not liking their gender...or not wanting them to be there at all. Unplanned pregnancies happen all the time (unplanned genders of course too) and its really what you chose to do with what God hands you. Complaining about if its a boy is just not the answer. We thought we were having a girl and found out it was a boy and we're sooooo happy. and now i realize if he were a girl i would love her still. I would hope any parent, before they become one, gets used to the idea of the gender (or having a healthy baby at all) and does the best they can with as little complaining as possible. Hopefully they'll be guilty in the end about complaining that Jr. has a winky though....and be the best parent they can be.

Mod-Karen · #6 April 1st, 2006, 01:02 PM

I totally agree with the first poster. Alyssa took a few years to concieve and i was desperate for a baby, i wouldnt have cared what sex she was. Children are a blessing no matter what the sex.

Lisadear · #7 April 1st, 2006, 01:21 PM

yeppers ... I got one of each but I would have been quite fine, dandy and happy if I had two boys or two girls .... I might have been a bit concerned if a puppy popped out tho

(knowing me I would be happy with that too!

)

xxx Lisa xxx

hmcart · #8 April 1st, 2006, 08:22 PM

I totally agree. We lost our angel at 17 weeks and it took us almost a year to concieve again. While we were happy that we were gonna have our boy since we already had two dds we would have been just as happy with another girl. I wish that people understood what a blessing any child is. I think that loosing one really opened my eyes alot also.

Half_Dozen · #9 April 2nd, 2006, 07:43 AM

I have 5 girls, and even though my 5th child was a girl, (And I was wanting a boy) I never once said it was depressing to have her! That would be horrible. If I found out today that I'm having another girl (#6), I wouldn't love her any less, even though i've been wanting a boy for 13 years LOL!!!
I think a lot of people take their kids for granted, they don't know what they have until they are gone. I don't take my kids for granted because I've lost children in my family at a young age, so I know that every day is a blessing, but I don't think i'm a bad parent for wanting this last one to be a boy! (Which I am having a baby boy!) I don't know how any parent could say "What they got" is depressing, Why even have children, if you're not even going to love them!

All that really matters is that they are healthy and even if they aren't, I think we all would still love him/her more than anything in this world. I know I did when daughter Kaydence was born healthy and ended up getting cancer at age 15 Months.

#5in2005 · #10 April 2nd, 2006, 04:43 PM

That is my total beef too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I so totally agree with what you're saying.

I have 5 girls, and I am very happy with our family (and so it dh for the record) and people always have to comment on us not having any boys, as if there is something wrong with our family.

I remember I wanted our third to be a boy, and was just a teensy bit bummed when she was a girl (but definetly not disappointed). Then our 4th was born premature (small, purple and not breathing) so the last thing we cared about was gender, we just wanted her to be okay. As for our last, we were totally expecting her to be a girl (which she was) and we were happy. (I imagine it's more fun growing up with 4 sisters if you're a girl).

Anyways, we are thankfull for 5 healthy children, what a gift. I am sure it would have been nice to have both genders (a sometimes feel a little bad for dh, even though he never feels bad for himself, that he is so outnumbered) but I am not sad at all that we have all girls.

Jinxcat · #11 April 2nd, 2006, 05:58 PM

This baby was my fourth but hubby's first. Everyone hoped it was a boy because every man's first born should be a boy, what they said. We had a girl (My THIRD girl!) and everyone is asking if we will try for a boy next time! How do you try for a boy? It makes me and hubs sick! He loves his daughter and couldn't be happier with how everything came out. She is healthy and has made us so happy just being here.

People can be so dumb!

Banned-CherylE · #12 April 3rd, 2006, 06:59 AM

I guess I don't get it because I have two of each boy, girl, boy girl but on my due date site I had a mother that had 5 boys and wanted a girl sooo bad. The 6th baby wasn't planed so it wasn't like she was putting eveything into having a girl.
Anway she was upset when she found out baby #6 was a boy as well and I felt bad for her. I guess when you have that many you just want one

mom2princesses · #13 April 3rd, 2006, 07:55 AM

I have 2 girls and I would not trade them for the world!!! I love them so... much!!! Now, I would love to have a little boy, but I would also love another girl!!!

So, whatever God decides to give me is just fine!!!

Lekilig86 · #14 April 3rd, 2006, 11:00 AM

It doesn't really make me angry, but i've seen a woman want a boy soooo bad, she was planning on it being a boy. Didn't even think of a possibility of it being a girl. But then i think...what if it is a girl? *She's* going to be disappointed and then i will just feel terrible for her for hoping and wishing and counting on the other sex. Its just a way to let yourself down planning so much on it being one sex and not the other. And i DON'T want to see mothers who are that devistated and let down just by the sex....its just sad really, doesn't make me angry though.

ryansmama · #15 April 8th, 2006, 04:39 AM

I don't know why gender should matter. It's your child either way, and hopefully you see them as their own unique person and love them for who they are. Maybe I don't understand because I have a mixture of genders and never, ever concerned myself about what any of my children's genders would be. Anyway, I think we get what we're supposed to have and any constellation of genders can be fun if we just enjoy our children for who they are.

brittbratt · #16 April 8th, 2006, 09:54 AM

I have a sister in law who has five boys. She feels jipped she didnt get a girl and wants one so bad. Now she is thinking of adopting so she can get a girl. THIS INFURIATES ME. She didnt have a girl for a reason. I would like to just smack her back to reality.

Thats fine she wanted a girl I am not saying that, I just think she goes a little overboard. Her DH "fixed" anyway so she needs to just let it go, I AM SICK OF HEARING HER COMPLAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I got outta control

LuvEmm · #17 April 8th, 2006, 10:13 AM

I agree! After ttc for so long too I just want a child! Dh and I both say it would be nice to have a boy so we could have one of each, but we both just want what God sends us. Just a healthy baby!

**Jenn** · #18 April 11th, 2006, 12:44 PM

I totally agree!!! We lost our first baby in the first trimester so when we unexpectedly got pregnant again all I wanted was a healthy baby. I remember telling people when we found out we were having a boy (which we were thrilled about!) some of them would respond, oh are you upset? ***! How could I possibly be upset? I had a healthy baby, I had my little boy, and that's all I cared about. I just wanted a healthy little baby to be placed in my arms at the end of 9 months, who cares if its a boy or girl. If I never had a little girl I'd be perfectly fine with that, I just want a baby!

Phoenix2Light · #19 April 11th, 2006, 02:33 PM

I really wanted my first born to be a son because for certain chinese beliefs this is very good. But quite honestly, if Yu Qi had been a girl I would've loved her to death! Besides that, I dunno it didn't matter. My mother in law wanted a girl really bad because naturally she had my husband and all the women in her family had boys and she is dying to spoil a little girl lol. I plan to have a few more kids so hopefully I can give her one. If not then well, she'll just have alot more little boys

(on another note, Yu Qi was not my first pregnancy, I actually lost a baby two years ago that was a girl at about 20 weeks, when I knew she was a girl, I was still thrilled as can be)

tally · #20 April 11th, 2006, 04:12 PM

I think its perfectly natural to perhaps "wish" for a certain sex. It does not make someone a bad person or mean they will love whatever child they get any less. I know people who have lost a child (a son) and they also had 3 daughters. She got pregnant again and did say she "hoped for a boy". She had a little girl who is the apple of her parents eyes. Two years later they did have another son. They again were overjoyed. If it was a girl- they would be thrilled as well. Although I am sure it does happen- most people who say they were hoping for a certain sex- love the child they end up with to no end. I do not think we should feel annoyed by someone because they secretly hope for a cetain sex. I have a daughter and then had 3 boys. I am sure if I had 3 boys first- it would be natural to "hope" that the 4th was a girl.