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Reacting to snippy comments from other moms..


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  #1  
January 24th, 2010, 07:37 AM
Undomesticated Housewife's Avatar Master(de)bater
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Last year, while on base with the kids, my daughter decided to lift her sundress to show me her aching belly..also flashing her princess pull-up (potty training). Another mom in the room with her toddlers around the same ages, without ever even looking up at me, says "And THATS what they make bloomers for!" -then turned to sort of "smirk" at me..kinda looked like this face > .

I think that "snippy remark from another mother" pissed me off most, probably just because of the day I was already having.. but Ive gotten them:
At the zoo, for letting my toddlers call the lizards "dragons" and "dinosaurs."
Also at the zoo, for using a harness (as well as hand-holding--but the zoo is in a bad area and often very crowded with many many daycares full of toddlers!).
For having them in pjs while out (we were traveling, i keep them comfy!)...
..and many others.

I dont think I have ever responded whatsoever because I dont feel like I have to explain myself to anyone...nor do I want to give them the satisfaction of knowing they angered me. 2 years ago, Id likely have been tempted to open my mouth and let all sorts of filth come out. I think having toddlers has taught me patience.

I know parenting comments dont just come from other parents, but those seem to bother me the most. I guess I expect more from other mothers.

Anyways:
Have you gotten any comments (directed to you or in passing) regarding your children or parenting, which seemed rude and unnecessary?
How do/would you respond to snippy comments from other moms?
Is this just another part of the mommy wars?
Have you ever handed out your own snippy remarks to a mother doing something that you dont agree with (even if harmless)? Been tempted to?
If not, is there a situation in which you would feel justified in making a comment in a snippy manner?
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  #2  
January 24th, 2010, 08:39 AM
Jarheadwed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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I was told if I name my yet unborn son Milo he'll get beat up.

Also made to feel incompetent because I am trying Target's Up & Up formula instead of brand name- even though the peds and the FDA say its the EXACT SAME THING as the name brand!! Also, crap for not BFing in general.

And crap for not planning on circ'ing, unless he has hypospadias (runs on DH's side). You know, he'll be teased and be humiliated and be dirty and no woman will ever want him!! And he won't be able to grasp why his ween doesn't look like Daddy's (even though no child's ween does look like an adult one)!!

Now I'm all pissed off again!!
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  #3  
January 24th, 2010, 08:52 AM
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I don't blame you, I'd be pissed too! What a b***h!
You too Katey! After I stopped EP, we did generic formula. It is the same exact thing. We also use generic diapers, lol.
Have you gotten any comments (directed to you or in passing) regarding your children or parenting, which seemed rude and unnecessary?
Yes. Last week we went to the grocery store just to get 1 item. It was about 65 degrees outside. Kaley was in sandals with some cotton pants, a long sleeve shirt, and a very light sweater over it. We were literally running in and out of the store. When we walked in, a lady walked by us and said "That little girl should really be dressed warmer than that." Seriously? I've lived in Florida all my life. I'm used to 90 degree weather just as much as any other Floridian, but 65 degrees is not by any means freezing. I'm not going to bundle my perfectly healthy toddler up to run into 1 store 5 minutes down the street. She'll be in the truck most of the time anyways.
How do/would you respond to snippy comments from other moms?
I ignore them. I've had someone tell me I should "knock her around" when she said no to me in a grocery store, and I just said "no thanks" and walked away.
Is this just another part of the mommy wars?
I don't think so, I think it's more of a people can't mind their own business type of war. I'm not sure why everyone is so concerned about the way someone else parents their children as long as they aren't being abusive.
Have you ever handed out your own snippy remarks to a mother doing something that you dont agree with (even if harmless)? Been tempted to?
I never have, but I've been tempted to. An acquaintance was screaming at her 3 year old for spilling a bowl of dry cereal and the kid was sitting there crying while the mother was demanding she pick it up. Um, maybe if you talked to her calmly, showed her exactly what you want her to do, and asked her to pick it up she would. Screaming doesn't get anyone anywhere. I've also had someone talk about their 2 month old having diarrhea after they eat baby food. She was like "I wonder why?" and I just said "Do you think it could be related to the baby food? I always understood it was better to start baby food when they are a bit older" and she said "No, I did that with my other kid and she's fine." I don't think I was snippy because she ASKED.
If not, is there a situation in which you would feel justified in making a comment in a snippy manner?
I don't know... If someone was abusing their kid, I'd be tempted to say something. But it would depend on a lot of factors, #1 being my own families safety.
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  #4  
January 24th, 2010, 09:06 AM
Jarheadwed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Melissa, up in MN and WI, 65 degrees is totally sandals weather. I wouldn't bat an eye at a kid in sandals in that weather. Heck, as soon as it cracks 70 everyone is setting up kiddie pools!
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  #5  
January 24th, 2010, 09:47 AM
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So you'd probably laugh at her jacket and pants huh?
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  #6  
January 24th, 2010, 09:50 AM
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I haven't had people say anything to me really. I had a few people ask about when Grady would wean (when he was still nursing). They asked questions and made a few comments about "nursing a kid with teeth" or "nursing him forever" but I didn't care. I laughed it off and told them that we were happy so that is all that matters.

These are a few of my comebacks for any situation:

"F off"

"mind your own business"

"when your opinion is needed I will ask"

"who the F*** are you?"

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  #7  
January 24th, 2010, 09:51 AM
Jarheadwed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Ha ha, well, probably! The pants I can see, maybe the long shirt, but not the jacket! You'll faint at this- in our state, kids play outside at recess at school unless the weather gets below 0. If its 2 degrees out, outside you go!
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  #8  
January 24th, 2010, 10:21 AM
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Have you gotten any comments (directed to you or in passing) regarding your children or parenting, which seemed rude and unnecessary?From strangers I've had people ask how long I've been a nanny, lol. But my MIL is the queen of rude comments. I can't even get started here.

How do/would you respond to snippy comments from other moms? From other moms I just ignore. I used to ignore MIL, but I dont' anymore. I either get snippy back or I say "I'm the mom" or I say "thanks for the advice, I'll take it under consideration" or I just tell her to mind her own beeswax lol.

Is this just another part of the mommy wars?
I really haven't had a lot of mommy wars.

Have you ever handed out your own snippy remarks to a mother doing something that you dont agree with (even if harmless)? Nope. Been tempted to? Only once. Someone had their carseat installed wrong.

If not, is there a situation in which you would feel justified in making a comment in a snippy manner? Only if they were rude or snippy to me first.
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  #9  
January 24th, 2010, 10:51 AM
Nekinna2402's Avatar Anniken <3 Tanja
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I have gotten a TON, most normal ones are about my age and breastfeeding
some of the other subjects I got people trying to comment on is being a single mom, way I dress and how I dress tanja, paci usage, having lived at home after tanja, harness, being AP and probably plenty more
I seem to have a sign on my forehead saying "YOU ARE WELCOME TO SAY WHATEVER YOU THINK TO ME" lol

I normally ignore or just say something like "oh really.. nice... you don't say so"

Can't recall having said anything snippy to any moms IRL
have once or twice on the net tho one was a girl who said she would never let any baby of hers breastfeed because she had such pretty boobs and didn't want to ruin them and i replied and said "well and here I had thought the whole time pregnancy was what did that *sarcasm*"

Please excuse all the typoes... I'm being used as a living playground by tanja and she is trying to sit on my shulders
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  #10  
January 24th, 2010, 11:30 AM
mrsrowe2b
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Even though my own baby isn't here yet, I've been talking to my family, OH, and some other ladies that are and/or where pregnant about my plans on how I want to raise my baby.

I've even gotten crap from my mother! When I told her I plan to co-sleep with my baby, she told me that's a bad and dangerous habit to get into; That the baby will need their own space and if we let them co-sleep with us, even as young as 6 months, they will never want to leave our bed later!

I also heard from one of my teachers at school who knows I'm pregnant that breastfeeding is "a hassle, too complicated, and a waste of time if you wish to go to college in the fall."

IS SHE ******* SERIOUS??!! Breastfeeding is the most natural and healthiest thing for a baby!
I know I'll be hearing alot of rude and snippy comments after my baby is born...
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  #11  
January 24th, 2010, 11:39 AM
Jarheadwed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsrowe2b View Post
Even though my own baby isn't here yet, I've been talking to my family, OH, and some other ladies that are and/or where pregnant about my plans on how I want to raise my baby.

I've even gotten crap from my mother! When I told her I plan to co-sleep with my baby, she told me that's a bad and dangerous habit to get into; That the baby will need their own space and if we let them co-sleep with us, even as young as 6 months, they will never want to leave our bed later!

I also heard from one of my teachers at school who knows I'm pregnant that breastfeeding is "a hassle, too complicated, and a waste of time if you wish to go to college in the fall.
"

IS SHE ******* SERIOUS??!! Breastfeeding is the most natural and healthiest thing for a baby!
I know I'll be hearing alot of rude and snippy comments after my baby is born...
I knew a girl who was a single mom, and extended breastfed throughout her first two years at college. If you want to make it work, you will!
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  #12  
January 24th, 2010, 11:44 AM
Nekinna2402's Avatar Anniken <3 Tanja
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I'm single, going to school and extended breastfeeding AND co-sleeping, It is 100% do-able I can promise you that much
Infact it makes my life easier as I don't got tp get up to make bottles, dont need to get up to try and sooth baby to sleep and you can even nurse without knowing it have woken up and oh shes latched on? didn't know that lol


everyone should check this site btw
My OB said WHAT?!? -
some very very snippy comments
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  #13  
January 24th, 2010, 11:50 AM
Jarheadwed's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Some of those comments on that site are outrageous! Although a few of them, I can understand why the OB was thinking that... like the pregnant at six weeks comment.
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  #14  
January 24th, 2010, 12:05 PM
WineKeepsMeSane's Avatar Platinum Supermommy
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Have you gotten any comments (directed to you or in passing) regarding your children or parenting, which seemed rude and unnecessary? oh heck yeah! I don't know how many times I've been told that CDing wouldn't last, or asked how long it took me to give it up. They're always taken aback when I say she's still CD'd and we use cloth trainers too There was also that charming teenaged volunteer at the aquarium who thought she should follow me around and harass me about our use of a harness on Kenz so we could all look at the fish and know she was still in front of us


How do/would you respond to snippy comments from other moms?
I tend to give super drippy sweet answers with smiles with un-arguable reasons why it's good for her/perfectly fine/etc so that they feel like idiots but I haven't technically been rude

Is this just another part of the mommy wars? maybe. I don't really engage in those... that has the added advantage that it frustrates those that are trying to engage you

Have you ever handed out your own snippy remarks to a mother doing something that you dont agree with (even if harmless)? Been tempted to? been tempted sure, but usually only cause they said something first, but I refrain

If not, is there a situation in which you would feel justified in making a comment in a snippy manner? If they were rude to me first, sure. Sometimes you need to tell people to mind their own dang business.
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  #15  
January 24th, 2010, 12:18 PM
Nekinna2402's Avatar Anniken <3 Tanja
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amegra View Post
Have you gotten any comments (directed to you or in passing) regarding your children or parenting, which seemed rude and unnecessary? oh heck yeah! I don't know how many times I've been told that CDing wouldn't last, or asked how long it took me to give it up. They're always taken aback when I say she's still CD'd and we use cloth trainers too There was also that charming teenaged volunteer at the aquarium who thought she should follow me around and harass me about our use of a harness on Kenz so we could all look at the fish and know she was still in front of us

HAHA!
Oh man I remember that, you were not the happiest mama when you posted the vent about it in the PR
Hilarious
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  #16  
January 24th, 2010, 12:39 PM
Undomesticated Housewife's Avatar Master(de)bater
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amegra View Post
Have you gotten any comments (directed to you or in passing) regarding your children or parenting, which seemed rude and unnecessary? oh heck yeah! I don't know how many times I've been told that CDing wouldn't last, or asked how long it took me to give it up. They're always taken aback when I say she's still CD'd and we use cloth trainers too There was also that charming teenaged volunteer at the aquarium who thought she should follow me around and harass me about our use of a harness on Kenz so we could all look at the fish and know she was still in front of us


How do/would you respond to snippy comments from other moms?
I tend to give super drippy sweet answers with smiles with un-arguable reasons why it's good for her/perfectly fine/etc so that they feel like idiots but I haven't technically been rude

Is this just another part of the mommy wars? maybe. I don't really engage in those... that has the added advantage that it frustrates those that are trying to engage you

Have you ever handed out your own snippy remarks to a mother doing something that you dont agree with (even if harmless)? Been tempted to? been tempted sure, but usually only cause they said something first, but I refrain

If not, is there a situation in which you would feel justified in making a comment in a snippy manner? If they were rude to me first, sure. Sometimes you need to tell people to mind their own dang business.
Oh gosh, Ashley.. I remember the girl from the aquarium! I was wishing Id been able to go that day so I could go all crazy-mom on her! I can usually hold my tongue when something is said to or about me.. but if its to a friend or just anyone else who obviously doesnt deserve it, I cant keep my mouth shut! Its like an out-of-body experience, things just start flying out of my mouth.

My harness situation wasnt near as bad.. We were just checking out one of the exhibits when Gracey started begging to get out of the stroller and walk. I got her out and put her monkey backpack (harness-I think similar to the one you have for Kenz? Either way, she LOVES it) on her and told her she still had to hold my hand. She pulled her hand out of mine a few times when she got excited and saw whatever animal we were looking at at the time. I didnt say anything to her, just grabbed her hand again..because she was just being a TODDLER and was excited! A little boy told his mom that he wanted a monkey backpack too.. and she said (loudly, of course), "WE hold hands. You dont need a leash. If YOU let go of MY hand, you will go home."

Same mother who quickly corrected us when we let Gracey and Evan call the lizards "dragons" and "dinosaurs" and her son overheard. He was all "OH COOL! Their DRAGONS, mom!" She was mad.. she informed us all of the fact that, ACTUALLY, they were NOT mythical dragons.. they were (insert long scientific name for said lizard).
ACTUALLY, lady, my kids are 1 and 2.. and neither mine nor your own child have any clue what the F you just said...besides, dragons are way cooler.
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  #17  
January 24th, 2010, 10:48 PM
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I've only had a handful...

- the clerk at the grocery store told me that formula was basically bad for my child, very loudly, while ringing it through. The whole line heard. I was still in the "extreme post-partum depression partly sparked by my failure to breastfeed due to lack of milk" stage ... it was like a slap in the face!

- we DEFINITELY got a lot of eye-rolling smirks about using cloth diapers - most people said "oh, we'll see how that goes when the baby arrives"... and then when we did actually go through with using them, people would say things like "well, I guess I just have other things I'd rather do with my time" ... I'd think "what, that five minutes it took me to put them in the wash? You're going to write the great American novel in that five minutes?"

- lately we've had a few comments about how we're dealing with some sleep issues - DH has been having night terrors, wanting to cuddle in the middle of the night, etc. and we've been going along with it. It's a stage, he wants cuddles, we don't mind doing it so what's the problem? But we do get "oh you better put a stop to that now!"

But mostly these comments are from friends or family... I've had very few strangers comment on things. I don't know, maybe it's being Canadian, we're too polite to say what we're thinking
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  #18  
January 25th, 2010, 04:53 AM
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WE get a lot of smack for NOT crying it out. We are totally let our children manipulate us.

I did say something to a mom once.

We were at McDonalds and they have those stupid computers that allow parents to completely ignore their children while they eat. This family had a ton of kids ranging from new new newborn to about 8. The older kids were running all over the place climbing over all the booths and the newborn was screaming bloody murder. This baby couldn't have been more than a few days old. Everyone at McDonalds was looking at each other and I had enough so I got up (after 15 minutes of this nonsense) and went to them and asked if they could tear themselves away from playing and actually care for their newborn. I got nasty looks but they picked up the babe who stopped crying right away. The whole place clapped and they glared at me the rest of the time.
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  #19  
January 25th, 2010, 11:08 AM
IAmMomMomIAm
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I get comments all the time. I'm sure I probably make comments that are meant to be in jest that are taken wrong by some mothers as well. I might have said something about Bloomers as a joke, but I would have laughed and smiled rather than a . It still might have been taken wrong I'm sure.

Just today I told a girl at play group that her baby looked like a cabbage patch kid when she smiled - it was a compliment. That is easily one of the cutest little girls I've ever seen. She took it as a compliment, but said that others had said that and her husband was insulted.

I love the "chubby" babies with all the rolls. Some ladies don't like to be told their baby is chuby and/or how cute he is.. even when chubby is meant in a totally good way.

I think the people who get offended by those sorts of comments are the parents who regularly hear "that baby is too fat." When you hear that a lot, then hearing "oh my goodness he's so chubby! The little rolls!" coupled with squeals and smiles and still seem like they're saying your baby is too fat. *shrug*

I've learned to stop complimenting strangers babies, lol.

As for me.. I get comments all the time. People look at Luke and say "he's really too old to be in diapers." Usually I respond politely with "Actually, Ma'am, he's barely two. He's just big for his age." But Luke is too fat, and Lauren is neglected apparently. I favor Luke and should maybe consider actually feeding Lauren. I don't know where babies come from (because I like them closely spaced). I could go on. Sometimes I respond politely, sometimes I don't. Really just depends on my mood.
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  #20  
January 25th, 2010, 11:35 AM
Nekinna2402's Avatar Anniken <3 Tanja
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^^^^
that reminds me... I have been asked if tanja ever eats because she is so little for her age LOL

I guess unless you have a "perfect"on the chart child, you are either neglecting or fatting them up
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