JustMommies Message Boards

JustMommies Message Boards (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/)
-   General Chat (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1316-general-chat/)
-   -   Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP) (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1316-general-chat/2415290-finally-letting-cat-out-bag-xp.html)

Squishy September 16th, 2011 10:19 AM

Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
So, we've been working through a private adoption for a short time now. Didn't want to say anything until it was for sure! Bio Mom signed the papers today!!! She is due Sep 30 with a baby girl! She's a friend of a friend, I was actually at her baby shower, ha! She just decided very recently to adopt the baby out. Were so incredibly thrilled over here :)

foxfire_ga79 September 16th, 2011 11:51 AM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Wow that's really great news, congrats!

L-SBB September 16th, 2011 03:01 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
how wonderful...you must be so excited!

Lash September 16th, 2011 04:48 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
She signed revocation papers or agency papers?

Squishy September 16th, 2011 04:52 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lash (Post 24850552)
She signed revocation papers or agency papers?

Not using an agency. She just signed the preliminary papers with our agreements in it. She still has to sign the final papers when baby is 3 days old.

Lash September 16th, 2011 05:04 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Agreements? As in what kind of agreements?

Just know that in almost all cases, if you have her sign legal papers of any kind before birth, it can be considered legal coercion to enter into an agreement and the adoption can be challenged in court in the future, even years later. That's why it's never considered appropriate to make a legally binding agreement of any kind or sign any papers at all until the actual revocation period.

Squishy September 16th, 2011 06:10 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lash (Post 24850649)
Agreements? As in what kind of agreements?

Just know that in almost all cases, if you have her sign legal papers of any kind before birth, it can be considered legal coercion to enter into an agreement and the adoption can be challenged in court in the future, even years later. That's why it's never considered appropriate to make a legally binding agreement of any kind or sign any papers at all until the actual revocation period.

Thank-you for being helpful :) The papers she signed are not "adoption papers", but rather our "promises" to each other. Just as an example: That we be allowed to be present during the birth, that we will stay in her room with the baby for the first day, that we will stay in our own room beginning the first night to discharge, that we will bring the baby to her room several times a day and whenever she asks, that we will maintain an open relationship at all times until baby is 18, that she will pump what bm she can for a minimum of 6mos for the baby, etc.

Lash September 16th, 2011 06:34 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Yes and if you signed those in front of a lawyer, it can be considered legal coercion that she will be choosing adoption. Adoption agreements aren't legally binding, so to sign them at a lawyers office should be null and puts you in very hot water if you guys did do that at a lawyers office. Plus it can't hold up in court.

Squishy September 16th, 2011 06:47 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lash (Post 24851090)
Yes and if you signed those in front of a lawyer, it can be considered legal coercion that she will be choosing adoption. Adoption agreements aren't legally binding, so to sign them at a lawyers office should be null and puts you in very hot water if you guys did do that at a lawyers office. Plus it can't hold up in court.

We signed them at her house, no lawyer. These are just our agreements to one another, so there's no confusion later.

Poncho06 September 16th, 2011 06:59 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Wait, I'm confused, why did she have a baby shower for a child she is placing for adoption?

Squishy September 16th, 2011 07:04 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Poncho06 (Post 24851228)
Wait, I'm confused, why did she have a baby shower for a child she is placing for adoption?

She was going to keep her. She just decided a few months ago to do adoption.

Lash September 16th, 2011 08:20 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Don't you feel that you owe it to her and your future child for her to have like actual therapy to assist her in this decision? A few weeks is really fast to choose something like that. Simply deciding because she's overwhelmed will mean that as she keeps continuing this with you, especially making promises like what you guys did today, can create a sense of stress if she does want to change her mind, which she has the right to do. A few weeks isn't enough time, and I personally could never be ok with that. If there is time, which there has been, therapy would have certainly been a huge part of the decision, for her and both of you guys.

This affects your future child. This is not a decision that needs to be made quickly because it feels good. If she just decided it, no discussions should be happening about pumping and giving milk and who should be in the delivery room, and she needs some impartial assistance in this, especially her own legal support.

Your icon says you were adopted. You don't wish for your own child's bio parents to have all the appropriate resources as it will obviously impact your future adopted child?

I also really worry because I don't see much research or positive adoption language happening here, which would indicate a level of research about parenting adopted children, which IS different from simply being an adoptee.

Squishy September 16th, 2011 10:13 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Umm, excuse me for being rude, but you are making an awful lot of assumptions based on a few short posts from me.

A. We have attended counseling TOGETHER, as well as separately.
B. She HAD her own lawyer, but hated him so decided to switch to ours.
C. She WAS signed up with an adoption agency for the past THREE months, but couldn't bring herself to adopt her baby to a stranger. So she didn't just decide this 3wks ago and WHAM, here we are.
D. This person has been mutual friends with one of my Mom's GREATEST friends for over a decade.
E. It was HER idea to make up the Promises, WE made it together! SHE wanted to do it to make ME feel better, to put me at ease that she wasn't going to back out. It's not even a legal document! It was just symbolic to us, the "This is really going to happen" moment for me.
F. Research and positive adoption talk? Who are you? Do you have a crystal ball that can see my life? Bio Mom and I have been figuring this out as we go, researching and pounding the pavement together. In the last 3 weeks, we have become SO close. She will be a HUGE part of this baby's life! This baby will know SHE gave birth to them!
G. The LAST thing going on here is bio mom being forced into adoption "because she has no other choice". She was planning on keeping her baby. The father had stepped up and was already taking care of everything he could. They were working together. I was AT her baby shower! She and the father just eventually decided that keeping the baby wasn't best for the BABY. They could support her, love her, raise her. But they wanted more for her, and that's why they decided to adopt her out. She hated the agencies, she felt like she was choosing basically blindfolded. She was so incredibly relieved when she first talked to us about it and we said we would do it!
H. It was HER idea to pump bm for the baby! She approached it thinking I would have a problem with it. We both have each other's and the baby's best interests at heart here. I'm sorry if it doesn't look like it from where you're sitting, but frankly, your opinion doesn't matter.
I. You have NO idea the circumstances behind my adoption. NOwhere near the same as this adoption. I was adopted at TWENTY two years old! I CHOSE to be adopted!
J I would just like to point out that this is the general chat section of the board. My life is not up for debate :sneak:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lash (Post 24851610)
Don't you feel that you owe it to her and your future child for her to have like actual therapy to assist her in this decision? A few weeks is really fast to choose something like that. Simply deciding because she's overwhelmed will mean that as she keeps continuing this with you, especially making promises like what you guys did today, can create a sense of stress if she does want to change her mind, which she has the right to do. A few weeks isn't enough time, and I personally could never be ok with that. If there is time, which there has been, therapy would have certainly been a huge part of the decision, for her and both of you guys.

This affects your future child. This is not a decision that needs to be made quickly because it feels good. If she just decided it, no discussions should be happening about pumping and giving milk and who should be in the delivery room, and she needs some impartial assistance in this, especially her own legal support.

Your icon says you were adopted. You don't wish for your own child's bio parents to have all the appropriate resources as it will obviously impact your future adopted child?

I also really worry because I don't see much research or positive adoption language happening here, which would indicate a level of research about parenting adopted children, which IS different from simply being an adoptee.


Lash September 17th, 2011 08:29 AM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Frankly you are new to the boards in general. You've blasted this news all over JM with very little information and asked for questions. You stated yourself she simply decided a few weeks ago, as in 2-3 weeks ago, as in 7-14-21 days ago total. That's not much time.

You posted here in the section where you don't have all that much personal investment and with tiny bits of information in a situation that you have to admit sounds incredibly far fetched when you merely post "I'm adopting a baby from a girl I met at a baby shower just a few weeks ago, and it's easy, no homestudies, and it's all working perfectly!"

Why did you choose to post it here? You've posted it all over JM

And I say positive adoption talk because you don't use the words that are associated with the language of positive adoption. It's a specific list of words to use and not use.

I really really urge you to do much more research, even though you are already offended. The way you are approaching this situation can be harmful for both of you down the road, including not offering her her own independent lawyer, despite the fact that she didn't like hers.

3 weeks is still not much therapy together, sorry. It's just not.

I think you need to start reading on some adoption message boards, and less posting about it here. That's my blunt personal opinion. In the adoption world, even your clarifications raise some massive red flags still and I think that you are not adequately protecting YOURSELF, nor the bio mom, or your future child. I know it feels "good" right now the way things are going, but feelings are not reality.

plan4fate September 17th, 2011 04:12 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
oh wow yikes.


Congrats hun, I hope the next few weeks go smoothly for everyone involved.

-erin- September 21st, 2011 10:52 AM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
congrats, baby girl is adorable!

Poncho06 September 21st, 2011 05:08 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Wow I must have missed the post where you got married? when did that happen?

http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f4...divorce-2.html

Are you still under the microscope from your parents with regards to lying? Seems like that should change now that you are married and have a baby, no?

http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f4...l#post24470657

foxfire_ga79 September 21st, 2011 06:32 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
That first link where she mentions she left a fiancee, doesn't mention how long ago.
Just sayin'. I can't vouch for anything, but that little tidbit doesn't seem very ****ing to me.

Poncho06 September 21st, 2011 06:44 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
Ya, if you're bored, which I obviously am tonight, she is posting that she had no DH or SO and was still living with her parents as recently as July 2011. Take it for what you will just seems completely off to me that one wouldn't post about their marriage especially one that would have happened within the last month or so.

foxfire_ga79 September 22nd, 2011 01:18 PM

Re: Finally letting the cat out of the bag (XP)
 
I have to admit I haven't really paid that much attention to what's been posted.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:57 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright © 2003-2012 JustMommies.com, All Rights Reserved.