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-   -   New here, my story so far (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f300-grief-and-loss/1507228-new-here-my-story-so-far.html)

Jillinebinny April 4th, 2009 06:28 PM

New here, my story so far
 
So i'm new to the board and i wasn't exactly sure were i belong because my situation is a little different.

A month ago (when i was 21 weeks) my husband and i received the news that our baby has cysts in it's kidneys and a possible heart defect and will not survive. They aren't sure what caused this, but they think it is either potters syndrome or downs syndrome. We won't know for sure until we have the baby and they can do an autopsy and genetic test.

So we know our baby isn't going to survive, but we've decided that i'll carry the baby as long as i can. I just can't bare the thought of inducing, knowing that my baby will die...We are hoping i will be able to carry at least until about 30-35 weeks, but we also know that there is a 40% chance that there will be cord compression and we could have a stillbirth.

It's just SO hard. We have wanted a child since we got married (2 years in May). When we started to ttc it only took us 1.5 cycles to get pregnant, it was almost like a sign to us. My whole pregnancy was normal until that ultrasound. And now our world has been turned upsidedown. I mean, i'm going to lose my baby. Every day i know i'm not going to be able to have my baby with me.

But we're managing to get through this. Our church and beliefs have been a huge support for us. We know that our family is forever and that after this life i will be able to be reunited with our baby and raise them. And we know that God has a plan for us, even if we don't understand But it still is hard.

So like i said, it's just different. We haven't lost our baby yet, but we know we will, it's just a matter of when.

momof8lopez April 4th, 2009 09:57 PM

Re: New here, my story so far
 
I saw your post, and just wanted to say how very sorry I am for you and your husband. I had a SIL who went through the same thing as you. She found out in her 7th. month that her baby had a rare condition where all of the organs grew outside of the body. Her baby would never make it past 20-30 min outside the womb. Although she could of induced and started the greiving process, she waited till she was full term and delivered her naturaly. the baby lived for 1hr. I could not understand why she put herself through that kind of torture, but I now know why she dit it. I think I would do the same as you and she did, only because the baby can live comfortably in the womb, and that is just more time to be with your baby. Why would we want to give up that precious time with them when we know they will not make it outside of us?

May God continue to guide you into this journey, and bless your baby with no pain or suffering. I commend you for being so brave and strong. In your future you and your husband will be the most amazing parents a child could be blessed with. I will say a prayer for you and your family tonight and again, Im sooo sorry you are having to go through this very difficult time.

Misty_X April 5th, 2009 02:30 AM

Re: New here, my story so far
 
Hello there, and with sadness I welcome you to this board x x

First of all I wanted to say that I am so sorry for all that you and your family are going through right now. This is such a terrible thing and should never happen to anyone. You have made a very brave decision and like the previous posted I think I would probably do the same as you have chosen to do. I can;t even begin to imagine how much your heart must be breaking right now. I admire your strength and courage more than I can say.

Although you may not feel as though you fit anywhere right now (and I can understand that) you may want to think about visiting both the stillbirth and the loss of a child boards. Although neither fit your circumstances exactly there are many other women whose situation is slightly different but have found solace and support on those boards. You may be able to find someone who has been through a similar journey.

I am glad that you have your church and your beliefs to bring you some strength and support during the struggles you are facing. And although all we can do is to offer a friendly ear and a shoulder to cry on you can always come and cry, vent or talk with us here.

You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers always, sweetheart. Please take good care of yourself x x x

madyethanmommy April 5th, 2009 12:12 PM

Re: New here, my story so far
 
I just wanted to say how very sorry I am. You can join almost any board and we all we give you all the support you got. I would do the exact same thing as you. That is more time to spend with your baby. You, DH, and baby are in my thoughts and prayers.

Misty_X April 6th, 2009 02:38 AM

Re: New here, my story so far
 
How are you doing today, sweetheart? Drop in whenever you feel ready x x

Jillinebinny April 6th, 2009 01:07 PM

Re: New here, my story so far
 
Thank you so much, all your kind words mean so much to me. For the most part i am doing fairly well, but of course i do have my hard days and it is on those days that i just need a place to come where i can be understood. Thank you so much for giving me that place :)

Misty_X April 7th, 2009 02:44 AM

Re: New here, my story so far
 
Of course, honey, and you can come and talk here any time you need to. I only wish we could do more than listen, but we are always here with a shoulder and an ear. You'll be in our thoughts and we will be praying for you x

*~Lissa~* April 7th, 2009 04:31 AM

Re: New here, my story so far
 
First off I want to say I'm sorry for your impending loss. Have you named your baby yet? I carried my last child thinking she would be stillborn. She was born alive and lived for 23 days.

Do you have a plan? I'm wondering if you've been in contact with a Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep photographer? If you've never heard of them here's a link Home - Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep or if there is no photographer near you through them you can contact the ACPCG Child Photography, children's portraits, children's photographer, child photographers, pre-mature infants, special needs children, American child photographers charity guild,* Erin Drallos, Footprints child photography, down syndrome, trisomy 21

I was prepared for my daughters death and still so overwhelmed. You might try writing this stuff down. I wish I'd known that after your baby is born your husband and you can bathe him/her.

If you would like to talk don't hesitate to pm me or even ask me here. I pretty much from 20 weeks on was planning what I would do if my child died.

Jillinebinny April 7th, 2009 12:46 PM

Re: New here, my story so far
 
AndromedaRayne

We've been trying to come up with names, but we need to come up with a girl and boy because we don't know what we are having. But i think we've settled on a name for a girl, and still trying to figure out a boys name.

We're coming up with plans right now. I have contacted a NILMDTS photographer in the area we are moving to next month. I also have two women where we are now who would be willing to take pictures for us. We're meeting with a women monday at the hospital where our specialist is who will help us get a birth plan together and all those other things.

My mom is going to make a beautiful gown for the baby and my MIL is making booties. I'm going to make a diaper for them and extras as mementos for me and my parents and his parents. We're also going to hand and feet molds and other things like that. I'm going to make a blanket to be buried with the baby and we picked our patches for our family/friends to make a love quilt for me to keep. My sister is going to make a bracelet for the baby and then something for me (probably a necklace) and my other sister is making a little giraffe to place in the coffin.

We're also going to be doing belly casts and maternity pictures (if we can get them in time).
I think plans are coming together really well...we've already picked out a cemetary and figured out all the costs for that (my cousin works there).

Thanks for your support :)

*~Lissa~* April 7th, 2009 03:30 PM

Re: New here, my story so far
 
I'm so glad you have such a detailed plan. One thing you might do is see if your mom can make 2 identical gowns so you can have one to keep with you as well as the one you will bury with your baby.

We cremated our angel but are burying her on May 2. I've ordered 2 very special gowns and will be burying her ashes in one of the gowns.

I'm so glad there is a NILMDTS photographer near where you will be moving!

One more piece of advice is make sure the cemetery has rules you don't mind following. I've noticed a lot of people at a later time regret not being able to put little trinkets at the cemetery.

I hope I don't sound know it all'ish. I'm just trying to help and hope that you don't have some of the very common regrets (hugs)

Jillinebinny April 7th, 2009 03:48 PM

Re: New here, my story so far
 
I plan on asking my mom to make two gowns, but right now we're just focusing on the one to get done. She's an accountant and behind on her clients tax returns so she's just a little busy right now. But i'm sure she'd be more than happy to make another gown for me.
And i'm so happy there is a photographer also. There are also 3 others in the area. I think i'll contact at least one other as a back up, just in case (or see if the photographer that is coming has a backup).

And that is a great piece of advice, i never even thought to ask about that. I'll be sure to ask :) We just picked that cemetary because it's a centeralized location, my grandpa (and some other family members) are buried there and my cousin works there. it's also a beautful cemetary. But i'll be sure to ask :) Thanks!

Quote:

Originally Posted by AndromedaRayne (Post 15259976)
I'm so glad you have such a detailed plan. One thing you might do is see if your mom can make 2 identical gowns so you can have one to keep with you as well as the one you will bury with your baby.

We cremated our angel but are burying her on May 2. I've ordered 2 very special gowns and will be burying her ashes in one of the gowns.

I'm so glad there is a NILMDTS photographer near where you will be moving!

One more piece of advice is make sure the cemetery has rules you don't mind following. I've noticed a lot of people at a later time regret not being able to put little trinkets at the cemetery.

I hope I don't sound know it all'ish. I'm just trying to help and hope that you don't have some of the very common regrets (hugs)


*~Lissa~* April 8th, 2009 04:22 AM

Re: New here, my story so far
 
You are very welcome! We chose our private family cemetery because there are a lot of cemeteries who have odd restrictions. Like only flat stones, nothing that's not biodegradable. Rachel one of our fellow angel mom's recently was broken hearted because the cemetery removed everything from her son's grave and told her they only allowed real flowers.


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