Still like a punch in the gut
July 25th and 26th will mark 6 years since I lost my grandparents.
When I was in my sixth or seventh month of pregnancy with my little boy, my grandfather really suddenly had a couple heart attacks and ended up in the hospital. He went downhill pretty fast. My baby shower was July 24th and my grandmother came down for it. She had made a quilt for the baby. We got a call near the end of the shower that Grampie had taken a turn for the worse, so Grammie left and Mom went soon after. The next day (Monday) I didn't feel like going to college with everything that was going on, so I stayed at my then boyfriend's. The phone rang continuously for almost an hour. I thought it was just mom calling to lecture me about not going so I didn't answer. Later my ex showed up at his place with the school administrator, who was a good friend of my mom's. They told me Grammie died. She got in a car crash on the way to the hospital. She never wore a seatbelt, and she fell asleep at the wheel and was thrown from the car. She died later from internal bleeding. We were all expecting Grampie to go soon, but that was just...so shocking. I still remember it clear as day. 28 hours later Grampie passed away. I was on my way to the hospital to see him...we left the house and he was still alive, but the 20 minutes it took us to get to the hospital he had died. Because I was pregnant everyone just kept saying 'don't go into labor, try to stay calm'.
That was the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life. They were like second parents to me, we went to their house all the time for holidays, a week in the summer...and now they are just gone. Sometimes I think of them, see a picture, find a card from a birthday past, look at the quilt for my son knowing it was the last one Gram ever made..... and it's just like a punch in the gut. Sure the day to day pain is less. But it still takes me by surprise sometimes. The anniversary is coming up and I am not looking forward to it. My son has Grampie's middle name and I wish they'd been able to meet him.
Anyway... I just wanted to kind of vent a little. I wasn't expecting it to still hurt like this so many years later.
Re: Still like a punch in the gut
Awww hun! Hugs. I really haven't had a major loss that I can relate to you on that level, but I know that you have depression.... I have it too.... and sometimes with depression, our brains cling to the crappiest things in the past and won't let go. I'm not saying that you aren't really grieving-- not at all! I just know that depression always makes everything worse.
If you need to talk, pm me.... I'm off my meds right now, trying to keep sane and it ain't easy. LOL
Re: Still like a punch in the gut
Thank you. I might take you up on that.
My boyfriend's grandmother just passed away on Sunday, so I think that is taking me back too. I never met her, but it is reminding me of my own loss. He is at the wake today so I am thinking of that...it was a double wake, double funeral, etc since they passed away so close together. Thinking of it all is bringing back how I felt, plus it being so close to the anniversaries. I just miss them so much. It's not fair they both had to go at the same time.
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