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-   -   I'm just stuck on this (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/1055958-i-m-just-stuck.html)

^RaineDrop^ May 8th, 2008 01:18 AM

SO at our last visit I told her I can't afford her for a home birth, but we are still going to see each other for normal visits. Anyway at this last one she did an internal and she did the perineal massage to be sure I knew what it was and everything and it was just super uncomfortable and sure at some points I could get squirmy. Well anyways when she emails me later she said this...

Quote:

Heather.... it is truly best that you are in the hospital as you are sensitive to pain and being touched.[/b]

What the heck does that have to do with a home birth VS hospital birth!?!? I'm going to be in severe pain no matter WHERE I freaking labor, and I'm going to be sensitive and really uncomfortable and TOUCHED EVEN *MORE* AT THE HOSPITAL so what the heck? Now, I'm just like WTH about this! I mean she *knows* my wants and feelings and the fact that she says something like this makes me think she's implying I'm going to NEED drugs or something. It pissed me offffff! I''m NOT Going to freaking use drugs if it kills me, and I'm sick of everyone telling me my 'choice to have a hospital birth is best so I can be closer to the drugs' or some bullcrap. I've actually had people say that to me already. :angry2:

Her statement just completely put me off.... I wouldn't have bothered at all if I wasn't taking all this seriously, and I don't think she cares that I can't have the birth that I want, just because I'm "sensitive." I just really feel like she crossed a line with that! I mean am I pulling things outta my butt or am I making sense here?

On the bright side, I might be getting the most PERFECT doula I could ever ask for, but she's outta town and won't commit or not until she gets back around the 20th so cross your fingers for me ladies! I MUST make it to full term and have her!

Butter May 8th, 2008 05:24 AM

I would drop that MW very fast. Several things you have said she has said have raised red flags and that one is just so way over the line. She's basically telling you it's a good thing you are having a hospital birth because you are going to need drugs. What a horrible, terrible midwife to say something like that!

(FWIW, the midwife I had with Cameron strongly recommended perineal massage and it was so uncomfortable and I found his birth to be easier to endure. The midwife I have now - had her with Fritz, too - doesn't recommend it. I appreciated that "permission" to not do it!)

^RaineDrop^ May 8th, 2008 08:16 AM

I hear you about those red flags, I guess I just figured I'd endure them regardless. But, I HAD to drop her we can't afford it. I was really upset about it for a while but I'm just trying to think of it as not meant to be right now.. *sigh* She doesn't make it any frickin easier. The way I see it, if this was truly her passion she would want to bend over backwards to cater to her ladies.. It's just not fair that I have to miss out on what I truly wanted and thought was best just because I can't get anyone to WORK with me!

I'm so glad you said that about those massages, because I really didn't want to do them! I didn't even buy the right kinda veggie oil to do it with :rolleyes: Doesn't it provide the same "benefit" to just to kegals or whatever they're called? I've been trying to remember to do those. She's just stressing the perineal massage because apparently the docs on this island are very cut-happy.. I don't want an episiotomy!

littlebabydolly May 8th, 2008 11:12 AM

Wow, that IS a really offensive passive aggressive comment. I really think a MW should only encourage & support positively for the birth you want. She sounds like she has a chip on her shoulder. I don't know why people do it but they judge others for silly reasons. Why are you any less likely to be able to do it than anyone else? You hear natural birth stories from all types of ladies from all walks of life, age, ethnicity, etc.

Hang in there, You can do it!

Isaeph May 8th, 2008 03:26 PM

Oh wow Heather, what a beast! I can't believe she said that to you. Sounds like the comments I got from my mom, MIL, and SFIL when I was close with Trupie. NONE of them thought I could do it natural (and I didn't-but you know the whole story). I am VERY touch sensitive, as a matter of fact, rubbing for more than 2 seconds makes me want to vomit. Seriously. When I was in labor with Ele, Trupe would touch me if I asked, but it seemed like almost immediately sometimes I'd have to ask him to move. He was cool with it, he knows my skin issues. I was fine though. And I'm a pain wussy too. :lol: But I still did it! And you can too Heather. You can. You can. You can. Praying that you get that doula! That would just be SO AWESOME!!!

ETA: Oh yeah, remember what I said and make sure you dh is watching the doctor like a HAWK to make sure you are cut-free. And make sure you BOLD it in your birth plan and go over it with everyone you can. FWIW, I did a little perineal massage with Trupie, but ended up with an unnecessary episiotomy. With Ele I did NO perineal massage and didn't even tear (I had an interior skid mark from her coming down so fast). So yeah. Just remember that laying flat on your back stretches the perineum unnaturally, so if they make you lay down, DEMAND to lay on your side.

scatney May 21st, 2008 08:27 PM

Sounds like time for a new MW. Keep in mind that what you bring to your birth affects your outcome. Supportive nurturing people all a long the way boost your confidence in your bodies ability to give birth. I switched MWs at 36 weeks in one pregnancy because it became clear that I needed someone different. Standing up for you baby starts now. You are going to face all kinds of people who think they know what's best just because you are a first time mom. You know what you want and anyone who isn't going to support you right now, needs to be out of the picture. This is the time to get yourself relaxed and focused.

Just think, this time next month, you'll be holding your baby girl and telling us all about your wonderful birth experience!

Good luck!

Stephanie

})i({~Jackie~})i({ May 22nd, 2008 02:42 PM

I'd drop her. I'm so sorry you are going through this :(

Melui May 26th, 2008 01:33 PM

Quote:

So yeah. Just remember that laying flat on your back stretches the perineum unnaturally, so if they make you lay down, DEMAND to lay on your side.[/b]
Thanks for that tip - my labours were fast and both on my back (as litereally i popped on the bed to be examined to see how dilated i was for the first time and was good to push straight away. Never occurred to me to move off my back as it was all so fast. I tore both times - so its good to know there may be a better way to help reduce the likelyhood of tearing this time.

^RaineDrop^ May 29th, 2008 07:05 AM

Quote:

Sounds like time for a new MW. Keep in mind that what you bring to your birth affects your outcome. Supportive nurturing people all a long the way boost your confidence in your bodies ability to give birth. I switched MWs at 36 weeks in one pregnancy because it became clear that I needed someone different. Standing up for you baby starts now. You are going to face all kinds of people who think they know what's best just because you are a first time mom. You know what you want and anyone who isn't going to support you right now, needs to be out of the picture. This is the time to get yourself relaxed and focused.

Just think, this time next month, you'll be holding your baby girl and telling us all about your wonderful birth experience!

Good luck!

Stephanie[/b]
Exactly!! I have a doula now, and she is wonderful. :) She's VERY open to supporting anything and everything I want, no matter what it is, and that really just makes me give a huge sigh of relief. She knows that I may need help talking to the doctors when the time comes, and she is 100% behind me on my choice to pump exclusively, and she knows what I want for myself and my baby in the hospital environment. I'm VERY pleased about the change from midwife to doula, even though it meant I couldn't get my home birth :( I'm confident that my hospital birthing experience will be as pleasant as possible.... (I must keep telling myself this anyway :lol:)


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