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-   -   What would you do? I need to make a choice (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/1913347-what-would-you-do-i-need-to-make-choice.html)

Effervescence March 18th, 2010 12:09 PM

What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
My midwife is really kind of pushing for an answer on this, and I don't blame her. I'd like to know too LOL, I don't like not having this decided!

We could have the birth here at home. I'd be fine with that EXCEPT it's not really *our* home. We have our own floor, yes, but I don't know how I'd feel about giving birth knowing that DH's family is right upstairs. We share the house with MIL, FIL, and BIL. The ceiling on our apartment doesn't keep sound out very well, and I really wanted this to be just between me, DH, Baby, and our midwife. MIL would probably be nosey nellie, too. There is a chance that they will be in California when the baby is born as my other BIL is graduating with his masters from Berkely the same weekend as my official due date. I would love to have the birth at home if they are gone. But the odds are greater that they will be here.

The other thing is that the pool and everything else is set up at the birth center. Everything is just ready to go and right there.

But, it's a half hour drive, and all of my comforts are here at home, kwim? I don't know... I'm leaning towards the birth center and DH is leaning towards here at home. What would you do if you shared a house with your in-laws? Would you ask them to leave their own home while you gave birth? I don't even know what they would do, and they'd have DS as well. But then it would also be nice to be able to see Jonah during parts of the birth, and to have him here when Evie arrives kwim?

Twhylite21 March 18th, 2010 02:01 PM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
I think I would deliver at home. My parents live with us and I'm a little nervous about them possibly being home when I go into labor, especially because my mom is a retired physician. I'm afraid she'll try to get involved or something. But I made it very clear that when I go into labor I do *not* want them around me. They've pretty much decided to just shut themselves up in their area anyway and help with Lily if needed.

Twinkle March 18th, 2010 03:32 PM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
I think I'd lean towards home as well. I think you and DH need to have a discussion with your inlaws about what you expect from them during birth... let them know that you like to be alone but promise to let them know as soon as the baby is born so they can visit (or something like that).

Good luck hun!

inyourhonor March 18th, 2010 05:37 PM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
I agree with Christine. I would opt for home and both of you sit down with your IL's. I would have felt uncomfortable asking my IL's to leave their home when I was giving birth.

I hope you can come up with an answer quickly!

flitabout March 19th, 2010 09:41 AM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
I am not sure how I would feel. on one hand I don't think I would want to move out my inlaws but on the other it is your birth. If you want to be at home let them know up front what you want and expect from them.
Personally I would stay home but that is just me. I have lived with my inlaws but I also had no compunctions about letting them know when they where and weren't needed!

Alison79 March 19th, 2010 11:01 AM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
I would stay home but I would do whatever makes you the most comfortable - that is the most important thing!

BobbityBoo March 19th, 2010 03:16 PM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
I would lean towards staying home as well. At the birth center you wouldn't be in your own environment and you pretty much would leave within a few hours anyway. BUT... if you think just getting out of the house and away from other stressors would help then you might want to consider that a little more. It would be easier to tell the IL's to stay out of it if you go to the birth center. Just drop DS with them on the way out the door and say we'll be back with a baby! lol Plus as you said they have the pool set up and the "clean up" is automatic, not that you would be in charge of that at home anyway!

I hope you can make a decision you feel good about either way!

P.S. I think we are really close together with our EDDs!

Effervescence March 19th, 2010 09:46 PM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
Thanks for the advice/insight ladies.

Bethany, yes my EDD is 5/27 and I see in your siggy that yours is 5/25. I think I was wrong about my O date though (I was charting) and everything seems to be measuring a bit smallish so I tend to just tell people "around the first week of June"

I guess my indecisiveness is because the scales are equally balanced with pros and cons of both. It would be SO nice to be able to just cuddle up with my new family in our bed right after the birth, and not have to worry about getting in the car etc. Also, I know where everything is here, and I feel more in control, whereas when I go to the center I feel as if I am a guest, and kind of passive as to what is going on... one of the reasons I don't want to go to the hospital.

BUT... it would be really great not to worry about the tub, where to put it, setting it up, filling it up, etc. I really don't know where we would put it. We really could just knock on their door and tell them we are going to the center, here's a baby monitor (or here's Jonah if it's in the day.. I always tend to think of going into labor as a night event) I guess if it's at night it wouldn't be so bad, they'd all be in bed anyway! Which reminds me that if they are in Cali when I go into labor, I'll need to find someone to watch Jonah, regardless of if we go to the center or stay at home....

So now I am kind of leaning towards staying at home IF we can work something out with the in-laws. But I might be saying that because DH is really pushing to stay at home.. I don't know :( I don't want to choose LOL Staying at home does make more sense the more I think about it, because I would probably want to labor here as long as possible, and the midwife said the longest any family has stayed at the center is four hours, but most leave after one or two. So I'm wondering if it's really worth the drive

Thanks ladies, for letting me hash all this out here. It really helps to type it out and see it all laid out there, and also to hear what other women would do!

Hey There March 22nd, 2010 10:00 AM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
I don't know...I was pretty loud during my birth and I don't know how I would've felt about my in-laws being upstairs. I think it would've made self conscious and taken away from the experience but that's just me. I like my in-laws just fine but I can't imagine having my FIL hear me yell... I think I'd either go somewhere else or ask if they'd be willing to go stay somewhere else when you started labor. I would put them up in a hotel.

Jodi Dawn March 24th, 2010 09:13 PM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
i am not sure on this one. Does your inlaws already know that you are wanting to deliver at home?

laisydaisymama March 24th, 2010 09:30 PM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
I would go to the birth center. Part of the appeal (for me) of being at home is being at peace and being comfortable in my own surroundings and only having the people there that I called and asked to join us. If you are already uncomfortable with the idea, those things kinda go out the window.

GranolaMamaOf3 March 25th, 2010 02:17 PM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
Does it have to be all or nothing...I mean can you plan for a home birth if the baby comes the week they are gone, but if not, than go to the birth center? (I'm horrible making decisions, so I always look for ways around them! lol!)

Effervescence March 25th, 2010 07:31 PM

Re: What would you do? I need to make a choice
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jodi Dawn (Post 19567738)
i am not sure on this one. Does your inlaws already know that you are wanting to deliver at home?

Yes, they know. I think they kind of want me to have the baby here as well, actually

Quote:

Originally Posted by laisydaisymama (Post 19567947)
I would go to the birth center. Part of the appeal (for me) of being at home is being at peace and being comfortable in my own surroundings and only having the people there that I called and asked to join us. If you are already uncomfortable with the idea, those things kinda go out the window.

This was exactly how I felt about it, but I can't explain it to my husband. I guess since it is his family, he doesn't understand why I feel so uncomfortable about it. But as someone else above mentioned, I just don't want to worry about wanting to yell, but not because my FIL would hear me. When they aren't home, I am just as comfortable here as I would be in my own house, though, so if we can arrange something so they aren't here... maybe if it's during the day they could take Jonah to the zoo or something. We really need to talk about it though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BirthDoulaToBe (Post 19576129)
Does it have to be all or nothing...I mean can you plan for a home birth if the baby comes the week they are gone, but if not, than go to the birth center? (I'm horrible making decisions, so I always look for ways around them! lol!)

This is actually one of the plans we have come up with. The midwife said that I can take the tub and supplies, and prepare for the homebirth, so that we are ready if it works out. If I decide that I am uncomfy here than we can just bring everything with us, or we could let her pick it up at the first postpartum in-home visit.

So I think that is what we are going to do, actually, is prepare that the birth will happen here at home. If something doesn't work out, or if my in-laws are here and I just can't bring myself to labor confidently with them here, then we will move to the center.DH and I really need to sit down and discuss everything with his parents, but lately it's been hard-pressed to have everyone in the house at the same time.


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