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-   -   Toddlers at the birth... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/2216894-toddlers-birth.html)

bre4thewin January 13th, 2011 10:21 AM

Toddlers at the birth...
 
My daughter will be almost 2.5 when her brother gets here. I would love for her to be here when the baby comes, but it all depends on how she reacts to me being in labor and how i react to her reacting. Im afraid that if she is acting up, or is afraid it will effect my focusing on labor. I will have my step mom and mom coming into town from 39-42 weeks and if he comes sooner then that i will try to have a friend come take her during the day. Ive been showing her waterbirth videos and she is just fascinated by it! REally she wanted to watch over and over. So i guess we are just playing it by ear! Perfect situation: I labor all night and she wakes up to her little brother...we will see.

What did you do with your toddler, or how did you toddler react?

Martha83 January 13th, 2011 10:32 AM

Re: Toddlers at the birth...
 
I'm worried about this also. I really want the children to stay here so that they can have that immediate bonding time with the baby...but I'm not sure. I have been induced three out of the four times....the last one was in a birthing center...I'm just not sure what to do...Olive was born in the evening so I just dont imagine that I'll have a night time birth (the others were induced and born in the day but it's hard to say what would have happened on it's own)....so blah....I know my 8 year old wants to stay...But the 6,4, and 2 year old might not be so good at staying and being quiet. I have NO IDEA what to do with them yet. There are plenty of people I could probably convince to watch them but I really just want them close...I might have to see if one of the local family members can watch them so after the baby is born they can bring them back...BUT they have no idea we are home birthing and dh doesn't want them to know (his relatives)

mommybugnbugga January 13th, 2011 10:42 AM

Re: Toddlers at the birth...
 
We are playing by ear with both kids. I doubt my ds will be able to handle seeing me in labor, but my dd on the other hand I think she might like to see it (she will be 8). I have a firend/neighbor that will come down to help with the kids and if/when they need to leave she will take them to her house. My dh isn't sure he wants dd there, and my family says I am crazy and that it will traumatize her for life, but if my birth is a natural peaceful birth, why would that traumatize her?

Twinkle January 13th, 2011 01:19 PM

Re: Toddlers at the birth...
 
I think the most important thing you can do is to have someone specifically "on call" for your children... then just play it by ear. If you have someone there who is dedicated to take care of the kids, then you can decide if they are present based on their own comfort levels and yours. With my first home birth, I labored at night and Kate was born at 2:20am, my older two girls slept through the whole thing. With Paul's birth, my MIL took the older two in the morning because I hadn't slept the night before and my eldest had dance class. She came back at lunch time for Kate. I was in denial I was even in labor till about 90 minutes before he was born. Looking back I don't regret the girls not being there.... I needed to concentrate and liked the quietness of the house.

bre4thewin January 13th, 2011 03:08 PM

Re: Toddlers at the birth...
 
Im thinking that i might like the quiet as well, but we will see. I would love for my mom to be at the birth, but if she isnt reacting well then they will have to go get a hotel...lol

PixieQueen January 13th, 2011 03:47 PM

Re: Toddlers at the birth...
 
My older DD was around 2.5 at DD2's birth. She loved it! She got in the birth tub with me for a little while (until she was told she couldn't bring bath toys in with us. lol!). Mostly she played with her toys, then ran a couple of errands with my mom. They got home again just before pushing. Then while I was pushing my friend later told me she was giving a play-by-play "Look, my baby is coming out of Mommy's butt!" :lol: "Look! There's my baby's toes!" (DD2 was breech). DH recorded the pushing on our camera and she watched it over and over and over. Obviously you need to take into account your laboring style (I liked chatting and people while I was laboring) and your kid's personality, but I really liked having her there. If/when we have another I plan on having both of them there.

Kelllilee January 13th, 2011 03:54 PM

Re: Toddlers at the birth...
 
with my second (birth center) I wanted my oldest to be there. She was the same way - fascinated by birth videos and very interested in it. As it turned out I went into labor at night and my sister came to watch her. She woke up not long before the baby was born, but made it to the birth center in time to see her emerge. She was 23 months and loved getting to see her sister born. I think it helped a ton with bonding and jealousy issues.

Third baby (home birth) both my older girls were there. I had my sister "in charge" of them. By the time they got up in the morning I had been laboring a while and they just sort of quietly watched and asked me a few questions here and there. The only annoying part was Nola (then almost 2.5) wanting to me close to me and so she would bump up against the tub frequently which was bothersome. After a little while my sister took them to their room to color for a bit. They came out a few minute before the baby was born and got to watch.

I think it's important to make it seem normal to them and not scary. Having her watch birth videos is great for helping her understand what will happen and help her get used to seeing women in labor. I just recommend having a specific person (someone she trusts) be her caretaker. Someone who can gently remove her from the room if she is bothersome or scared and can talk her through what's going on if she's nervous.

HippyMomOf4 January 13th, 2011 08:44 PM

Re: Toddlers at the birth...
 
We plan on having our daughters here for the birth with someone on hand to help care for them or take them into another room if they get upset or can't handle it. My girls are very excited to see the baby born and we encourage them to be a part of the birth:) But we are playing it by ear because im not 100% sure how they will react...i know my son will not really know whats going on lol

andi2284 January 14th, 2011 08:44 AM

Re: Toddlers at the birth...
 
I'm not sure what we are going to do yet. We had my parents come with us to the birth center last time and my dad took Abby into another room while I was giving birth. I was also in a seperate room so it was easy to keep to myself while I was in labor. She did come in a few times to say "hi" but wasn't there while I was pushing. I was very vocal while pushing, so I worry about scaring the girls this time if they are there. I thought about having DH getting them set up with a video or cartoons when the time comes to keep them occupied until the baby is born. We will also consider having a back up in case it's the middle of the day, but we'll see. I usually go into labor at night, so ideally, I hope to have the baby before they wake up.


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