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-   -   Anyone keeping their home birth a secret? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/2281987-anyone-keeping-their-home-birth-secret.html)

pink_piggy March 21st, 2011 01:37 PM

Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
Just curious if others were keeping their HB on the DL :lol: :P

My family/friends don't know that I have switched from an OB to a home birth MW and I have no desire to clue them in until after the birth. My last appt w/ my ob was quite stressful. I told my mother about it and she couldn't believe what was said to me and thought I should have stood up for myself better. Instead I decided to not deal w/ it and find a more supportive provider. I just feel that I don't need any negativity around me right now. After cupcake is born I definitely plan to tell the world and get the word out b/c I don't think we should have to hide our decision or feel bad about it. I'm definitely ashamed in myself that I'm not putting it out there right now, but I just cannot deal w/ more stress at this point.

So, am I the only chicken in this room right now? ;)

mommybugnbugga March 21st, 2011 01:52 PM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
there are very few people that know we are planning a homebirth. we refuse to tell dh's family because they will flip out on us. We lied and told my sisters that we changed our minds and are going to a hospital (long complicated story there). So I think there is only about 3 people that know we are having a homebirth.

andi2284 March 21st, 2011 04:13 PM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
I'm not keeping it a secret, but I'm not being super open about it either. I just don't want to open myself up to so many negative comments, so I figure I'll only tell people if they ask.

Martha83 March 21st, 2011 06:01 PM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
Well...I dont lie...so when MIL asked we told them...she didn't seem to care (I'm sure they flipped AFTER we left but she's not said anything else to us)....I am really shocked about it all (the IL reaction) but MIL and FIL are the ONLY ones on dh's side that know we are planning a homebirth. I've not flat out said it on my facebook...most of them dont pay attention....but I have said small things like "we are planning an out of hospital birth" in a comment but I've never said HOME BIRTH....Dh doesn't want his family to know until afterwards. He doesn't want the neg. comments and such....

My family knows...and my dad talked to me (poorly) about it the other day...I let my mom know in the KINDEST way possible that if he wasn't going to be supportive he can't be here. Without saying so much...I wont have someone being jittery and making THE day not perfect cause THEY have an issue with it....

So yeah....there are some people we are secretive about it with. We WONT tell my dh's grandparents...they would flip and tell me how much can go wrong...so if they flat out ask it'll probably be "what hospital" or are you going to hospital x or hospital y.....and I'll say my choice of the two hospitals (if there were a transfer ;) ) lol....that is the only way I'll do it....If they word it another way that doesn't make it that easy...I might just act like I didn't hear them or change the subject lol....I think my dh is avoiding them though...we've not been there in forever and I think he doesn't want the Q to come up so we just haven't been there LOL....


Anyway...I keep talking but the short version is yes and no...yes we are SOMEwhat secretive...but we arne't keeping it totally secret.

breathing for two March 21st, 2011 06:02 PM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by andi2284 (Post 23413451)
I'm not keeping it a secret, but I'm not being super open about it either. I just don't want to open myself up to so many negative comments, so I figure I'll only tell people if they ask.

Same here, after the way people treated me last home birth I don't want to open myself up to that kind of drama and negativity. So I don't say anything if they don't ask and excuse myself from the conversation if it gets too ignorant and critical.

PinkFireFly March 21st, 2011 08:10 PM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
I will be keeping our homebirth a secret from family and some friends.... I got enough grief and stress from my family with my first pregnancy and it was just too much to handle....

I am also keeping the pregnancy in the dark too for a while due to the amount of stress from my family... I don't need negative vibes...

Mom of 4 Js March 22nd, 2011 04:49 AM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
The only person that knows in my family so far is my sister and she surprisingly took it well! She said nothing I do surprises her anymore (in a good way) :lol:

I will eventually tell my mom and my MIL because my mom wants to be at the birth and I need MIL to help with my older kids during the birth but I am still working up the courage to tell them haha. After that we are not telling anybody until after the baby is born because home birth isn't common around here and I don't need the negative energy!

navywifey2003 March 22nd, 2011 09:44 AM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
A few people know. I told my mom it didnt go well at all. But I keep talking to her about it and i know she doesnt want to hear it so I just dropped it. Im sure my mom told my dad. My SIL knows and she has been really supportive. A few friends IRL know but I have only told people IRL that I know would be supportive. Other than that no one knows but JM. I havent announced on FB about it or anything. I do post about NCB, hypnobabies etc and my whole family already think Im nuts anyways so it wont come as a shock really.

HappyHippy March 22nd, 2011 10:34 AM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
Nope I told everyone, they were all supportive.

HippyMomOf4 March 22nd, 2011 10:38 AM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
We have told everyone and surprisingly they were all supportive but a couple. I could care less what they think though so I just do what I want and what's best for me. Also they all know I'm a little different than most so I think that's why they don't question it LOL. My mom is most supportive and my dad too, my mom was even supportive of me encapsulating my placenta lol

lrowe70 March 22nd, 2011 11:18 AM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by andi2284 (Post 23413451)
I'm not keeping it a secret, but I'm not being super open about it either. I just don't want to open myself up to so many negative comments, so I figure I'll only tell people if they ask.

Ditto, though afterwords I plan to practically shout it from the rooftops! We're even getting a few cute home/waterbirth onsies for the babe to wear.

My state has the highest rate of out of hospital births, so I don't think there will be issues with anyone nearby. My mother, who lives in a different state, is most likely going to lose her mind which is the primary reason for not announcing publicly right now.

pink_piggy March 22nd, 2011 11:45 AM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
That's so great to hear that some of you have a wonderful support system. I'm really jealous, but super happy for you!

I honestly don't know how my family would really take it, and don't care to find out before the birth. They know I'm a little bit different than the norm, so like some of you, I'm sure they would just accept it after they rolled their eyes at me. LOL The nice thing is, they are in the midwest and I'm on the west coast so I don't have to deal w/ them on a daily basis. I honestly never thought about parenting styles til after getting pregnant and learned of AP, and feel that that is the way I'll be going. I'm sad to say that no one in my family has parented like that. :( My dad's wife tho sounds like that is more her parenting style, so I think she will understand me more than anyone. She's all about breastfeeding and I love it. Two of my cousins both told me they didn't breastfeed b/c it was "icky" :( sad!

I keep getting the "which hospital are you registered at" q and I just say the one we'd prefer to go to. Figure no one needed to know we really haven't registered there until later. :)

Martha83 March 22nd, 2011 06:38 PM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
That is what I do as well when they ask which hospital...I say the one i'd go to if it were in case of transfer LOL

~*3 little bears*~ March 23rd, 2011 09:33 AM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
I'm new to the homebirth board so I hope its ok that I reply here. This homebirth will be a vba2c which is illegal for a midwife to attend here in my state but I found one who is willing to risk her license and attned (she has done several) but for this reason and because I want to avoid the negativity of other peoples responses we are keeping it a secret until after the birth. I asked my mom if I did a homebirth if she would want to be there but if she wants to come the rule is smiles and happiness only. She said "I will just keep the kids at my house then" but I would rather her be honest than to come and ruin my experience ya know?

GranolaMamaOf3 March 23rd, 2011 11:36 AM

Re: Anyone keeping their home birth a secret?
 
We made it pretty clear what our intentions were, and no-one dared say anything negative. I'm a doula, and DH is a paramedic, so I guess they all just figured we knew what we were doing :P

Also, we have a lot of friends who have HB's, and our family is very natural childbirth friendly.

So, basically, we had it easy! :lol: I don't blame anyone who has decided to keep it quiet for one reason or another. You have to do what you think is best for you!! ;)


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