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Lav March 1st, 2012 02:49 PM

home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Hi ladies,

I miscarried last November and am now pregnant again with my first child. I absolutely want to try waterbirth, but the only hospital that offers this is about 40 min. ride away. Now, that wouldn't be a problem, but I also heard that that particular hospital has a high c-section rate, and now I'm afraid to actually go to any hospital for my labor and delivery! I really want this to go natural, no meds, no c-section, unless complications arise. So I'm considering homebirth now.

And this is where the problems start. My DH is so absolutely against it that we already fought over it twice :( He is over-protective of me and afraid that something could happen so quickly and so unforeseen that even the no more than 5 minutes it takes for us to get from home to our local hospital could not be enough to save my life!
He also feels singled out because I repeatedly told him that this is my body and I have to be most comfortable with where and how I give birth.

I don't know what to do anymore :( I even asked my gyn today what her opinion of homebirth was and she said it's fine as long as it's a healthy pregnancy and I don't mind getting no pain medications.
DH still doesn't agree, even after I told him what my gyn had said. He thinks that even a healthy pregnancy can go so wrong so suddenly that I could die if I were not at a hospital right when it happens.

I'm so stressing out about this, I almost started crying as we were fighting. I don't know what to tell him anymore or what to do :cry:

We are going to meet with a midwife either next week or week after. I was hoping maybe she could take some of his fear away, but I have a feeling now, after telling him what my gyn said, that even the midwife won't be able to calm him/convince him.

I feel like he is choking me with his over-protection, yet I feel sorry for him and don't want to hurt his feelings anymore.

Any advice?

Lav March 1st, 2012 05:05 PM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
just in case someone else is facing the same problem at some point of time:

After having been silent at our computers for a while, DH asked what about dinner. I said I was neither hungry nor had an appetite anymore, and he knew exactly why and started another discussion about the above matter. I began to cry and told him that I feel choked and that he is stressing me out.

He asked me to come to him. He took me in his arms, apologized and said he never wanted to stress me out, he's just concerned.
We talked calmly about it for a while and he said it's an option (the homebirth) but he will still always be concerned until the very end. He said he'll get me whatever I'd like! So now we're going to talk with the midwife and then go from there.

That's totally okay with me.
And I feel much better.

booboobunny March 2nd, 2012 01:54 PM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
I'm sorry your going through all that. My dh was a lil nervous about the hb as well. I educated him by allowing him to watch the business of being born,answered any questions he had, and my midwives insisted he come to our first meeting to ask any additional questions.Once he was assured that it was safe & the midwives were prepared to handle any emergencies, he was fine. It took a month of all that & he signed on. He now only wants us to have our children at home. GL, I hope everything works out for the best !

Lav March 2nd, 2012 05:38 PM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Thank you!

How did you have him watch the business of being born? Is that a movie or you mean he attended a birth or something?

Quantum_Leap March 3rd, 2012 04:34 AM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Lav (Post 25700921)
Thank you!

How did you have him watch the business of being born? Is that a movie or you mean he attended a birth or something?

Yeah, it's one of the most famous documentaries about the natural childbirth v. the medical model of childbirth. It makes the argument that most of the medical interventions that occur during childbirth are financially motivated and not really in the best interest of women. I think it's a must-see.

Another great book about the same topic is called "Pushed" by Jennifer Block. The former might be better for your husband, though, since in my experience it's easier to get most men to watch a documentary than it is to get them to read a book! :lol:

I'm glad your DH seems to be coming around. Sorry you didn't get any replies earlier. This board can be slow sometimes. I think most if not all of us have gone through the experience of having DH be initially resistant to the idea of a homebirth. In my experience, for most men, it just takes time to warm up to the idea. The notion is so contrary to what everyone grows up hearing and seeing about birth on TV, that it just seems really radical to some people initially. The more you research, though, the more appealing it seems.

Lav March 3rd, 2012 06:31 AM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Thanks so much! Yes, reading a book is not one of DH's favorite activities. I'll do better with the documentary. I'll have to find that somewhere.

Do you know if a gyn or OB would generally be willing to also attend a home birth? That may also be something that would ease DH's mind about the whole thing.

Memi March 3rd, 2012 07:29 PM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
I don't have much to add but wanted to say I feel for you. My DH was originally very opposed to the idea as well, but just as I have continued to educate myself about it and speak with him about it he has become more open minded. My DH now keeps saying "We'll see, I just have to meet the midwife and we will go from there. It all depends on the amount of trust I have for them". Which is the same way I feel as well.
Having said that, and since you said your DH is open to meeting with a midwife, I do have one suggestion. Everyone says what a great bond they share with their midwife. If I were you I would look up a few in your area and have an initial consultation over the phone. See who it is that you hit it off with the best and who just feels right and then take your DH to a face to face consultation with that person. I did this and with 1 midwife we just "clicked". I can't explain it, there was absolutely nothing wrong any of the others said, but I just got that "this is it" feeling with 1 midwife on the phone. That is who I will be taking my DH to visit when the time comes. She made me feel the most comfortable and confident, so I know she'll do the same. All that to say, I didn't want to (and I'm sure you don't want to) ruin your one shot at DH meeting with a midwife and having him be open-minded to someone who isn't right for you. KWIM?

HippyMomOf4 March 5th, 2012 10:41 AM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
I wen through the same worries with my DH, him meeting the midwife really helped easy a lot of his fears. It also gave him the chance to ask his own questions. He was nervous until the very end but after it was all over, he told me that we will never go to the hospital to have a child again:)

Lav March 5th, 2012 01:45 PM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Thanks, wow that's nice Denise.

I had a whole long response to you other ladies, but JM decided I couldn't post it because the site was not refreshed lol, so I'll keep it short this time.

We watched that movie and now I'm even more terrified of a hospital birth! I think DH is slowly warming up to the idea of homebirth, although he's still very concerned. Hopefully the midwife can help with that!

booboobunny March 8th, 2012 08:27 AM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
I'm glad he is warming up to the idea. And the midwife could def. help. I told my midwifes up front about dh's hesitancy with the HB so when we all had our first meeting they answered all his questions. And addressed any concerns he made of had. Dh had never heard of a homebirth so i knew i had to be patient while he came around to it lol.

Lav March 8th, 2012 12:59 PM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
hehe, yea I already told the midwife we're meeting next week about his concerns and she asked me to compile some questions for her, especially questions he might have. I'll put a list together with DH this weekend :)

Mommy2Amara&Kayori March 8th, 2012 09:04 PM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Welcome and congrats on your pregnancy. I am glad your dh is warming up to the idea of a homebirth and that he is willing to meet with a midwife.

Lav March 9th, 2012 06:39 AM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Thanks Jenny! Can't wait to meet the midwife next week!

Mommy2Amara&Kayori March 15th, 2012 08:24 PM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Have you met with the Midwife?

Lav March 16th, 2012 06:12 AM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Actually, yes, we met with her last night. I'm so excited! I think she was able to take some of the concern away that DH had about homebirthing. We are definitely going to have a water-homebirth. I'm so happy about this! And our midwife is a really nice lady! She addressed all of our concerns and understands our wishes. She is very natural, which I love, because I myself am as well.
And she stayed for like 3+ hours to answer all of our questions!!
Can't wait to have my first prenatal with her.

Mommy2Amara&Kayori March 21st, 2012 12:07 AM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
I am glad it went so well, that is wonderful!! And that's great that she stayed with you so long so that she could be sure to answer all of your questions and concerns. It sounds like she will be a good midwife for you.

queenofthecastle March 24th, 2012 06:51 PM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Awesome update!!! CONGRATS!!!

Lav March 25th, 2012 09:53 AM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Thank you both. I had my first prenatal with her on Friday. It was great. She answered questions, asked me questions, took my blood pressure and pulse, had me do a urine test and tried to listen to baby's heartbeat-but it was still too early, can't hear it yet.
We talked a lot about nutrition, which is great. She gave me a nutrition plan I should follow, but said she won't hold me to it. I'm trying to follow it as best I can.
Today she is showing some videos about home birth and doulas at our local college. DH and I are going to go there.

I'm so excited!

Mommy2Amara&Kayori March 26th, 2012 11:57 AM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
Sounds like a good appointment. That's cool she showing videos.

Lav March 26th, 2012 12:54 PM

Re: home-water-birth as option, DH freaking out about it
 
the videos were great, and there was a panel discussion with doulas and my midwife.
It was interesting to see different birthing experiences. Getting educated about what to expect when giving birth naturally is definitely important, I think.


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