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-   -   Mainstream Pet peeves (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/429273-mainstream-pet-peeves.html)

MrsPil January 14th, 2007 08:40 PM

So recently I have been reading a lot of birth stories from the JanDDC and a few from the FDDC, and I really like these girls but when I see their birth stories there are a few things that always irritate me...
"we got to take her/him home the next day" - what is this?!?! It's a baby not a new home appliance!
"they let me walk/shower/bathe/push/eat/etc"
"they wouldn't let me" or "I wasn't allowed"

I'm sorry but I can't get over those... Argh! Am I just being a birth fascist for thinking that it shouldn't be about what's allowed but what you want? Irritating!

abigailsilva January 15th, 2007 08:57 AM

Well, if you are a birth fascist, then SO am I, I can't STAND crap like that. I think the way that "we" view birth is just really radically different from them. I hear women upset about their friends being "kicked out" of the hospital early...did it ever occur to them that maybe they WANTED to leave? Have women so wholly submitted to the almighty obstetrician that they don't even WANT to think for themselves? I don't get it. These "routine" membrane stripping thing is REALLY irking me....i can't believe these OB's think it's ok to do that, and I can't believe so many women are letting them....it's painful and a violation of their bodies AT BEST. Sometimes, i just think of you and i would be like Steph if we were to for some reason deliver in a hospital.....it's so comical a picture that I chuckle to myself and feel better :lol:

Kimbo January 15th, 2007 09:35 PM

Ok... now you forced it out of me... I am officially coming out of the closet :P

I wrote my graduate thesis on birth stories that are posted on the Internet and in doing so I read hundreds of birth stories of every type... I found the topic fascinating... and still do... hence the entire thesis/book and hence... in part... the reason I came to this board in the first place. Now I can assure you my pursuits are completely unacademic :smile:

I used a technique called narrative analysis, which I used to look closely at the language that women used to construct their stories. I noticed the exact same thing. The frequent shift in language from the first to the third person was fascinating. I also noticed that sometimes the shift in language in the stories happened precisely at the point where the birth was moved to the hospital. It was almost as if the medical establishment was able to co-opt the birth process - just another way in which women are removed from their own experience and control is removed from their hands.

From my own personal perspective, I had planned a homebirth and did everything within my power to have my little girl at home. When things changed and I transferred to hospital I was so happy that my birth team supported me in making decisions and I was still able to maintain control... in as much as possible. After 30 hrs in labour and no progress I decided it was time for a section and although that was the last thing I ever could have imagined happening I was able to make peace with the decision. I still have to say, however, the power of the medical birth machine is phenomenal and I can thoroughly understand how women are disembodied. Sometimes when I talk about the experience I have to make a very conscious effort to put my own story in the first person.

Can I also state for the record... just cause you never ever hear this in the other stories... that the epidural was a few moments of relief followed by hours of torture. Yuck. Sorry... just had to say that.

Kimbo

Isaeph January 15th, 2007 10:52 PM

Wow, ITA. I rant and rave to my mom and dh about that all the time!

abigailsilva January 16th, 2007 09:00 AM

Quote:

Ok... now you forced it out of me... I am officially coming out of the closet :P

I wrote my graduate thesis on birth stories that are posted on the Internet and in doing so I read hundreds of birth stories of every type... I found the topic fascinating... and still do... hence the entire thesis/book and hence... in part... the reason I came to this board in the first place. Now I can assure you my pursuits are completely unacademic :smile:

I used a technique called narrative analysis, which I used to look closely at the language that women used to construct their stories. I noticed the exact same thing. The frequent shift in language from the first to the third person was fascinating. I also noticed that sometimes the shift in language in the stories happened precisely at the point where the birth was moved to the hospital. It was almost as if the medical establishment was able to co-opt the birth process - just another way in which women are removed from their own experience and control is removed from their hands.

From my own personal perspective, I had planned a homebirth and did everything within my power to have my little girl at home. When things changed and I transferred to hospital I was so happy that my birth team supported me in making decisions and I was still able to maintain control... in as much as possible. After 30 hrs in labour and no progress I decided it was time for a section and although that was the last thing I ever could have imagined happening I was able to make peace with the decision. I still have to say, however, the power of the medical birth machine is phenomenal and I can thoroughly understand how women are disembodied. Sometimes when I talk about the experience I have to make a very conscious effort to put my own story in the first person.

Can I also state for the record... just cause you never ever hear this in the other stories... that the epidural was a few moments of relief followed by hours of torture. Yuck. Sorry... just had to say that.

Kimbo[/b]
That's really fascinating, i did my last term paper on the cycle of fear that OB's perpetuate that keep women in the hospital....i mean, the medical machine IS set up to make you a #, they take your jewelry, your clothes, most routinely hook you up to an IV....all establish you as a PATIENT and nothing is done to reinforce that you are a MOTHER.

MissyPrincessEha January 16th, 2007 11:19 AM

I have loved reading the posts ladies!

Things that really make my ears red:
1. It was such a blessing that I had a section, the baby had cord around the neck!
2. Water ruptured at 1 and 2 cm's...come on!!! You would have to really work that hook in there! Good grief!
3. Well I could have never had my baby at home...I had such and such.... (and I just smile and think well gosh, we have a mom like that right now!)
4. Birth is messy
5. ALL THOSE VAGINAL CHECKS! I can't stand how women allow someone to put their hand in there all the time. How they depend on that persons hand to tell them what they are doing. The cervix lies man, the cervix lies! :lol:
6. They go in with way early prodromal labor and are told...you are not progressing. Here's the pit! Come on! They don't need pit. They need to go home and drink a small glass of wine, watch a good movie, eat a good meal, rest, snuggle with family. They need their caregiver to tell them that yes this is hard...but this is how it is!


I could go on and on and on! *sigh* Guess that is why I had to be the change I saw. I couldn't stand there and watch anymore. I was never cut out for doula work. Oh gosh it was stressful!

Okay...I had to add one more!

Telling a mother when to push, how long to push, and how to push...all while you have her on her back with her legs in the air! Every nurse that comes in stares at her vagina like it is a show! Come on! Strangers who will never remember this special and magical day are staring at her vagina! I can't stand it!

abigailsilva January 16th, 2007 12:39 PM

Yep! I could never be a Doula either....lovely people like Lala are MADE for it I think, but i am way too much of an ##### i really want to work with moms and babies, and MY mom keeps trying to convince me to be a nurse, i don't WANT TO! i try to tell her, you do NOT want me in a hospital...you do NOT.

MissyPrincessEha January 16th, 2007 12:48 PM

:lol: Yea...I could never just sit on my hands! I would be fired...or never make it through nursing school. I am just made different. I feel different. And not just about birth. *sigh*

abigailsilva January 16th, 2007 07:05 PM

Quote:

:lol: Yea...I could never just sit on my hands! I would be fired...or never make it through nursing school. I am just made different. I feel different. And not just about birth. *sigh*[/b]

i hear ya girl.......

Kimbo January 16th, 2007 09:08 PM

I just thought of my biggest mainstream pet peeve...

...that is that homebirthers are not the mainstream norm. When I was in my DDC, I felt that I was so far out there. I wished that more people would embrace the normalcy of pregnancy and birth. I wish I didn't always have to feel like I needed to defend my choices. Most of all I wish that people would see past the rhetoric of risk that is placed around birth. IMHO it is the medical system which more often increases the risks of pregnancy and birth. Having had what turned out to be a very medical birth, I can thoroughly appreciate that the "normal" medical birth is fraught with risks when interventions become routine.

That's my other $0.02. I'll shut up now :P

Kimbo

MrsPil January 16th, 2007 10:51 PM

Quote:

I just thought of my biggest mainstream pet peeve...

...that is that homebirthers are not the mainstream norm. When I was in my DDC, I felt that I was so far out there. I wished that more people would embrace the normalcy of pregnancy and birth. I wish I didn't always have to feel like I needed to defend my choices. Most of all I wish that people would see past the rhetoric of risk that is placed around birth. IMHO it is the medical system which more often increases the risks of pregnancy and birth. Having had what turned out to be a very medical birth, I can thoroughly appreciate that the "normal" medical birth is fraught with risks when interventions become routine.

That's my other $0.02. I'll shut up now :P

Kimbo[/b]
THANK YOU! Ya know, to look at Abbey and I you would never know that we are homebirthers if you just saw us walking down the street. People don't realise that and they critisize you because you're crunchy so you must not have feelings. HELLO?!?!?! I don't think you're psychotic for wanting to give birth in a hospital where you feel safe, please don't judge me for wanting to be where I feel safe. I could scream!

And Chelita - all those vaginal checks... Oooo lady that is a nerve for me! You ought to see how many women are in my DDC that get angry when their doctor won't check them. They all want to know what's going on. And then those who do know what's going on go in to fits because "oh I'm only 36 weeks and I'm dilated to three, I must need some procardia!" Heaven help me, it's all I can do to hold back from ranting and raving (and getting myself banned) and telling them off!

Oh thank God for this board!

MissyPrincessEha January 16th, 2007 11:02 PM

Yes! Thank God!

abigailsilva January 17th, 2007 08:17 AM

:lol:

Butter January 18th, 2007 07:44 AM

Quote:

Ya know, to look at Abbey and I you would never know that we are homebirthers if you just saw us walking down the street.[/b]
LOL On Saturday we went to a homebirth get-together potluck thing put on by my midwife. One of the pregnant moms said her husband asked her if all the children were born at home. She told her husband no, some were and some weren't (like my older two weren't, but my baby was). He asked how to tell which were. She said you can't... or maybe if you look close enough they all have marks behind their ears lol

abigailsilva January 18th, 2007 08:15 AM

LMAO! that's TOO funny!

Isaeph January 18th, 2007 11:03 AM

:lol: thats funny! Seriously though, it is kind of scary thinking about stuff that gets mentioned in the news occasionally. I remember sometime this last year hearing that they were talking about putting GPS type chips in all babies in hospitals. As comforting as that might be, its super scary too, ya know!


One thing I definitely hate hearing and have to make a HUGE physical effort to not roll my eyes is "oh, you're a brave one, so and so just told on you (as in repeated my story the person talking). I have to have meds at the end because I get crazy" Don't people know about transition? I was BEGGING for an epidural at home during transition :lol: even though I was dead set against leaving and would have soooo regretted it. I'm sure if I was in a hospital they would have had that consent form under my shaking hand in 2.3 seconds if they heard that. And I'm not brave, just well educated.

*:Onei*Chan:* January 18th, 2007 04:08 PM

My biggest mainstream pet peeve would have to be that the "mainstream" has dug its spines so far and deep into our society that women really HAVE NO CLUE that they have rights. Honestly, no friggin clue! I hear it all the time "you mean, I dont HAVE to do that?" Well, no you dont HAVE to do anything. Its your body, and you have this thing called free will that allows you to get your @ss up, put your pants BACK ON and even give that OB the bird if you please.. then walk out. Or sometimes, simply saying "no" is suffice. I also get pretty heated and worked up over the fact that doctors and medical professionals mindlessly tell women that the epidural has absolutely no ill effect on your body, or on the baby... tell me how a narcotic drug does not pass through the placenta???


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