Ok I feel kind of silly,
but I am starting to get scared at the thought of having this baby at home,
(oh the baby who wants to be a surprise so bad, that it had its legs crossed with the cord between them for good measure)
I'm not even sure why I am scared,
just that tinking about giving birth at home is suddenly making me scared,
I know I can give birth, Ive done it 5 times already, all pain releif free, and all short labours, the longest being 4 hours,(myfirst)
I guess deep down it has to do with my twins birth and the outcome,
their birth is the closet I have had to a home birth, was in my driveway in the car, about to head to hospital,
or maybe its the fact that I dont know if this little one is a girl, I feel that it is BUT i dont know, my DD has cerebral palsy and required special care when she was born, and the twins being girls also,
I guess I'm doubting my ability to deliver a healthy baby girl,
I have a mw appointment on friday, so heres hoping she can make me feel better,
sorry for rambling, just needd to share
oh sweetie! I'm so sorry you are afraid, it's natural but try not to be, ok!? Your twin birth was simply a premature birth, not a homebirth, not the way it's intended anyway. This time you will be ready, prepared and TERM if you follow through with birthing at home. It will serene and beautiful and you will both be FINE!
Oh sweetheart!! It's normal to feel the way you do, and it's ok! When the time comes I'm sure everything will work out better than you or I can predict. Trust in your body and let your midwife (and fellow posters) help sway some of those fears!
(((hugs))) Our experiences are what shape us.
No doubts those things are playing into your fears.
Have you read the book Birthing From Within? If not, i highly suggest it. If you have, I suggest you read it again. Either wya, do the exercises in the book. Not sure where you live, but some places also have birthign from within classes - i took one & it is awesome & totally on par esp for women who have fears about childbirth of any sort.
It really helps deal with the emotional and mental side of things... which birth is a GREEAT deal emotional & mental!
Sit down, take soem time each day and rather than push these fears or concerns to the side, think them through. it may take days or weeks. What specifically are you afraid of? What about it? how would you handle your biggest fear? What woudl you do? How would that affect you/
Often times were afraid of things simply b/c they are new, we havent done it before. What if what if what if. So explore the what ifs. A lot of people find that when they think it through -re ally think it through - they find uot that their worst fears arent so bad. You find a way to deal with it, and it cna really reassure you.
I had concerns with my homebirth. I am about 3 miles max from the hospital, but theres traffic b/w us. 10 mins tops still. I have 2 obs and both live on my street. But theyre not always there. This was my 2nd baby, but first was a hospital birth, and with an epidural. I questioned if i coudl do it. I was a doula so ive seen some ugly situatons. what if : the cord is around the neck, the heart rate plummets, the placenta is retained, i push for 3 hours, i cant push the baby out, etc.
Well - i sat & thought about it - if the cord is around the neck, we unloop it. We had oxygen there for the baby. for me if needed. its not a life or death emergency really. if the heart rate plummets, we watch it. Try to get it up. If need be, we go to the hospital, but gaain - its not a life/death thing that will cause a catastrophe in our 10 min worst case scenario transport time. Same with placenta. she has herbs & pitocin on hand. There are things to do. And people dont hemorrhage to death in 2 mins flat either.
When i thought about it - i realized how UNlikely it all was and how there were simple solutions for each problem. But i felt overwhelmed by it all when I just looked at the big picture.
(((hugs))) I hope that helps. Take some time to think it over. Dont push it aside :)
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