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-   -   How long did it take for DH to be on board with homebirth? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/598952-how-long-did-take-for-dh-to-board-homebirth.html)

CharmieCM June 5th, 2007 05:19 PM

Just wondering. It seems like DHs are a big factor for my clients and many other homebirth mamas.

Alison79 June 5th, 2007 06:16 PM

DH was actually the one who mentioned it first. We had been planning on a birth center birth and he mentioned that he would be fine with a home birth too, whatever I was most comfortable with. For me, it's important to have his 100% backing because he's going to be my biggest support/coach through labor and I think if he was worried the whole time, or not comfortable that would affect his ability to be a strong coach.

mommy2evan05 June 5th, 2007 09:08 PM

after Evan's birth, I told him from now on, it was gonna be done my way. he hasn't fought me on it, but he might when he finds out we are doing UC from now on. if he does, well, he has approximately 10 months to get over it.

jhmomofmany June 6th, 2007 10:19 AM

DH and I were of one mind on this. He saw first-hand what they did to me and our babies at the hospital. He's 100% supportive.

I think if he had been dead-set against homebirth, I probably would have done the best I could at a hospital. Thank God I didn't have to make that decision!

Frelle June 6th, 2007 11:28 AM

My dh wanted me to have my first at home and I was too scared. I havent had to get him on board. I have been fortunate. I did say that if that were not my situation, that I wuld need him to be ok with it, I would not stamp my foot and demand to get my way. I am fortunate that we are united on the subject, and we need to be united on all major decisions like that (circ, vax, birth..)

itsymama June 6th, 2007 02:46 PM

I'm new here mostly been lurking ( Rachel 24 married with an almost 3 year old boy and 8 weeks 3 days pg ! ) , but I am thinking about a home birth , still want to talk to my new midwife about what she thinks of my OP report from my c-section and if it all sounds good to go for a VBAC then I will start talking to a home birthing midwife ! I picked he never had concerns and that I wouldn't have to have him ok it but would like his support because he really has let it up to me to decide , so far I have tried to talk to him about it but he really doesn't have much opinion about it , mostly I think cause he just doesn't know that much about babies , pregnancy and birth , so thats where we are right now .

chipko June 6th, 2007 03:23 PM

My Dh has agreed since the beginning. He really doesn't love our midwife and if it were up to him we probably would have kept looking, but he's told me that its my birth and I have to be the one who is comfortable.

Soap Lady June 7th, 2007 08:55 AM

Didn't vote because I wasn't sure how to answer the second question. If dh had very very strong feelings against it, I would have been very torn about it. He was supportive of whatever I wanted to do. Having 3 little sisters who were born at home probably helped him feel more comfortable about that option too! :smile:

Soap Lady June 7th, 2007 08:55 AM

Didn't vote because I wasn't sure how to answer the second question. If dh had very very strong feelings against it, I would have been very torn about it. He was supportive of whatever I wanted to do. Having 3 little sisters who were born at home probably helped him feel more comfortable about that option too! :smile:

MrsPil June 7th, 2007 06:15 PM

DH and I are frequently of dead opposite opinion on things and this was no exception. But when we looked at the reasons why he wanted a hospital birth vs why I wanted a UC he caved and said he would go along with whatever I wanted. It took meeting with a fellow UCer and her husband before he was like okay other people have done this too and it will be alright. Now he wouldn't have it any other way. But he was very very against it in the beginning.

azchela June 15th, 2007 07:59 AM

I ad actually brought it up when we were expecting DS but DH dismissed it completely - saying he would consider it for our second but he would be too scared to do it for the first.

So this time around I insisted we discuss it and had pretty much made up my mind before he was totally on board...but after sitting down and really talking about it and discussing it with our midwife and doula he came around. Now I think he is just as excited as me!

:bluecheer:

ShawnaCAN June 16th, 2007 07:58 AM

Not like he has to say it's ok because I need his permission or anything, but because we're a team. I couldn't embark on a huge undertaking like a homebirth with HIS child without his support. If I was going to just go ahead with it no matter what because it's "my body", then technically I wouldn't be able to finance it because he could use the same argument to say that it's "his money." LOL


We belong to eachother, so it isn't just "my body" anymore....it's "our body." Same with him (which is why he doesn't just go out getting new tattoos or something without my approval). In the same breath, because we're a team he was very respectful about considering homebirth even though he didn't like the idea at first. He realized it was important to me and was willing to try to understand why I wanted it so much. The only reason he was reluctant was because he's such a good husband and father, he was afraid it would not be safe and one of us would get hurt. I can't fault him for caring about us so much. We met with the midwife before making our final decision, and he was able to ask her about all the worst case scenerios running through his mind, and she shared exactly how she would deal with each one. She was also very clear about the fact that she wouldn't try to be a hero and take on a complication that should be dealt with in a hosptial, she would transfer me the moment she suspected anything was wrong. Then after we had our first homebirth, he became more in favour of homebirth than me! When I was expecting #4 I suggested that it would be ok if we had another hospital birth because cash was tight (we pay out of pocket for homebirth, but hospital birth is covered by health care). He said, "No way! I'm not going to make you go through that again. I'll make it work." And he did. :)

MissyPrincessEha June 16th, 2007 03:59 PM

Matt was at the same place as me, so he was on board.

I do not need his approval. And it wouldn't matter if he did say no. He knows that. It is my body, I feel the sensations of birth, I am the mother, I was the one pg for almost a year, and hey I am the one to feel it come out of me! :lol:

CharmieCM June 21st, 2007 11:53 AM

Quote:

We belong to eachother, so it isn't just "my body" anymore....it's "our body." Same with him (which is why he doesn't just go out getting new tattoos or something without my approval). In the same breath, because we're a team he was very respectful about considering homebirth even though he didn't like the idea at first. He realized it was important to me and was willing to try to understand why I wanted it so much. The only reason he was reluctant was because he's such a good husband and father, he was afraid it would not be safe and one of us would get hurt. I can't fault him for caring about us so much. We met with the midwife before making our final decision, and he was able to ask her about all the worst case scenerios running through his mind, and she shared exactly how she would deal with each one. She was also very clear about the fact that she wouldn't try to be a hero and take on a complication that should be dealt with in a hosptial, she would transfer me the moment she suspected anything was wrong. Then after we had our first homebirth, he became more in favour of homebirth than me! When I was expecting #4 I suggested that it would be ok if we had another hospital birth because cash was tight (we pay out of pocket for homebirth, but hospital birth is covered by health care). He said, "No way! I'm not going to make you go through that again. I'll make it work." And he did. :)[/b]
Personally, this is the attitude that I think is healthiest regarding homebirth, but I have seen so many women who let their husbands own their bodies more than they do that it is actually disturbing to me. I don't think it is any healthier (or safer, for that matter!) for a husband to say "NO HOMEBIRTH AND THAT'S THAT" than it is for a wife to say "HOME AND THAT'S THAT," KWIM? Ideally everyone would be able to see the other person's point of view and look at the situaiton objectively. I personally can't ever imagine telling my husband "I don't care, I'm doing it my way" but equally foreign to me is my husband trying to tell me what to do with my body, whether it carries his child or not! I mean, he chose me as the mother to his children, so it only makes sense to trust me to mother the children, really!!

This is such a complex issues for many couples that I work with (or end up not working with, as the case may be). It was really surpsing to me how many husbands truly feel (and are!) able to say "absolutely not." Its probably the hardest part of my profession, actually, seeing women forced into things they don't want by men that they love.


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