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-   -   need your support and help ladies (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f341-home-birth/626864-need-your-support-and-help-ladies.html)

KBeans June 28th, 2007 11:05 PM

the doctor i raved about and went to have a consult with today....he said no. he won't do a VBAC and even had the nerve to tell us in a nice way that if my uterus ruptured even if there were doctors all around me, the baby would die right then and there. now dh is in a fit and scared. i have been crying all day and night, ever since right there in the office with the doctor. i explained everything to him about both c-sections and the horrors of both of them. ricky's birth - with the overdosing me on demerol and not remembering his birth, and with christian and the horrid excruciating healing process.

he said that the healing of the surgery from ricky counds like a great and pleasant normal one, which it was. but that the recovery time with christian seems like this is what happened:

when the doctor sews up the uterus and the muscle layers, if he goes too hard or too deep then it will sometimes catch a nerve! and can also pull the muscle too tight - which sewing the nerve then leads to the burning sensations i had forever on the one side and the muscle leads to the twitching and thumping i had on the other side....and i had such a hard time going to the bathroom afterwards, which he told me that if there is consitpation problems then the bowel intestines will swell and cause a lot of discomfort and pain.


honestly, i know hat he says makes sense, but it doesn't take away the chances of it happening liek that again. and it doesn't help the fact that my choices have been made for me and i have been "scared" into having the past c-sections, and im yet again being bullied into another.

girls i have no clue what to do. im so lost and so sad and feel like such a failure that i didn't stand up for myself when i was 19. that i didn't educate myself more when i was pregnant with ricky, although i prepped myself and took seirous lamaze classes, i didn't actually educate myself. and i feel like because someone else made the choice of completely dopeing me up when in labor with ricky, i will forever now pay for it, i am living with that mistake now for the rest of my life, and i feel like i am not allowed to have a choice or say in my own body anymore. someone else took my rights away from me and i feel helpless, frustrated, hurt, mad....and very very very sad.

ok done venting.

UPDATE:
i talked to the person who runs ICAN (international cesarean awareness network) chapter in las vegas, and she had a lot of useful information.
i told her about the percentages and what the doctor said, and she said that a doctor will use a study that works for what they want and she obviously does too but that the 5% rate includes vaginal births that were induced! that changes A LOT. most cesareans begin with induction, and a uterine rupture is much more likely when your body isn't allowed to progress on it's own, and is forced with indction techniques. she said the percent is actual at a .5% when allowed to progress alone and naturally, and that only .13% of THAT .5% end up in an emergency/serious rupture.

honestly at this point i feel pulled in so many different directions, i feel like no one is completely out for the best of me, but the best of what THEY feel is for me. it's hard to know what to do when being thrown precents and stats from all over the board.

but she did add that im pretty much S.O.L. with finding a doc in las vegas that will touch a 2-cesarean VBAC. she gave me one more doctor's name and im off to check my insurance right now to see if they cover that doc. but if not, she said that the midwife i wanted is actually HER midwife! and has done her VBACs and i also talked to the midwfie earlier today...well they both said that she's very good about sliding scale, which we had known but even on the lowest end of the scale we were NOT able to pay that much, but that i can talk to her more in depth about the cost..so it's still in the air, who knows. im probably going to give birth in the car.

jhmomofmany June 29th, 2007 04:00 AM

:dothug: I'm sorry, hon. :(

UrbanMomma June 29th, 2007 04:37 AM

((Hugs)) don't give up yet. They used those scare tactics on me too when I tried to find an OB who would do my VBAC for #5. They are doom and gloom with huge numbers of uterine ruptures and complications during VBAC's...even going as far as saying mom/baby (or both) will die in seconds.

I found a homebirth MW who had no problem with me being a VBAC'er. I have had two very successful VBAC homebirths and am planning another one.

I would say the ICAN ladies stats are more accurate. IMO the OB/hospital want more c/sections...they make more money from them than a non medicated VBAC.

Maybe the MW would understand your financial need. I know mine did, this time around she reduced her price by 75%, which was a real blessing. If you do talk to the MW more I am sure she will explain the stats and "risks" more with you and dh.

Good luck trying to find a VBAC friendly provider...

anitagupta June 29th, 2007 08:47 AM

I know where you're coming from. My insurance doesn't cover any part of home births so if I want one, I have to spend $8,000. Now I make good money but I really don't have that much laying around - in fact I am heavily in debt so a homebirth is almost impossible. However, I haven't completely given up on it yet and still talking to homebirth midwives.

CharmieCM June 29th, 2007 10:48 AM

Most midwives are pretty good about helping you have your homebirth, financially. While midwives provide a valuable service and do deserve to be paid for the work they do (just like anyone else!), they also understand that the discrimination against homebirth clients by insurance companies puts clients in a bind many times.

Do you know what the fee would be for you? If so, I would suggest that you sit down and look at what you can reasonably afford to pay and when. Then take that to the midwife and let her look at it. Some midwives will be okay with you paying after the baby's born, some not (because many of us have been taken advantage of!). If your midwife isn't, I'd look into a personal loan that can be paid out over a couple of years. In the case of a loan, its possible that your midwife will discount your fee if you pay it upfront soon after you meet her, so you would need to borrow a little less in that case. Whatever you do, please don't eliminate homebirth from your choices based solely on finances WITHOUT HAVING TALKED TO THE MIDWIFE. Let it be the midwife's choice whether she is willing to work with you on the finanaces. As I said, many of us are.

I understand having to pay out of pocket for your homebirth. In many cases homebirth costs more (financially) than a hospital birth, but the hospital birth (especially in your case, it would seem!) costs an untold amount emotionally. Your emotional health as a woman and mother IS valuable!

KBeans June 29th, 2007 06:27 PM

my problem im finding is that if somehting were to happenduring the birth and i had to go to the hospital then it would not be covered...so im being told :rolleyes: i don't know the truth.

MrsPil June 29th, 2007 11:00 PM

Quote:

my problem im finding is that if somehting were to happenduring the birth and i had to go to the hospital then it would not be covered...so im being told :rolleyes: i don't know the truth.[/b]
Technically (and this is the argument that I used with my insurance) if something were to happen and you needed a c-section you would be going through the emergency room and this would be covered under the emergency part of your insurance not the pregnancy/labor/delivery part ;)

You may also point out to them that a c-section in an emergency will cost them less than a planned section since they are not paying for prenatal care.

KBeans July 1st, 2007 08:09 AM

Quote:

You may also point out to them that a c-section in an emergency will cost them less than a planned section since they are not paying for prenatal care.[/b]
ooo what a good point! hmmm

chipko July 1st, 2007 06:44 PM

No real advice Val, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that this process has been so difficult for you. I really hope that a midwife is an option for you, it sounds like that would be much closer to meeting your needs than an OB.


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