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-   -   How to handle this? (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f280-inlaws/1596506-how-to-handle.html)

sweetiez June 12th, 2009 02:55 PM

How to handle this?
 
Hello all!
Okay this might be long. well it probably will so hope you can keep up! lol.
Im amber im 23. and my so(joe) is 22. Anyways his family is INSANE! im not even joking. His parents are high catholic people.. and you MUST follow! Joe will get kicked out of his house if he misses church even once!. well when we first met he knew i had a child from a prev . relationship. But his parents didnt. I met them thought they were nice (Of course). they were nice to me for about 2 weeks. and then they decided they didnt like me..then liked me ect.. then his parents almost kicked him out when we were together 2-3 months. then again 4 months. his parents treated him like crap. and they think money is everything also. They have a very nice house way to big for four people. and his dad wont spend a penny more then he has too. Like.. he wont go out to eat unless he has a coupon. Joe didnt even know what a mortgage was while growing up.. cause his dad always paid cash for there houses/cars ect... so as time went on his parent banned me from there house because i dont parent like them..because they were soooo "Perfect" parents.they also thought i was holding him back because i already have a child. they are scared we would ever get married cause it would ruin everything . and they told joe many times they would called child services on me because my child wasn't cathloic. His parents are not happy in their marriage either. they always talk about killing/leaving each other..they always fight. and joe has never seen a healthy marriage ever.. his parents try to get him to changes his mind about me for money..his parents told him they would give him 500 to leave me. But he didnt.
Well all the stress with his family i cant deal with it and broke up with him. and some other things cause his dad is such a jerk. and his mom is just nuts. but we still see each other.. i miss him like crazy. but unsure what to do. his family is crazy seriously crazy..but all these people tell us we are great together ect and it breaks my heart. He still lives at home also so that doesnt help either..
im wondering if i should even try to work it out even with his crazy family? what do you guys do?
Also i dont want kids with him. because his family is insane i would NEVER trust them. Also i banned them from seeing my child awhile back. so they do not come close to her at all.
anyways thanks for your time..ack..
Theres way more but i'll leave it at this lol

KrazE June 13th, 2009 05:02 PM

Re: How to handle this?
 
I suppose I'm wondering more than anything why you remain with someone that you don't even want kids with or perhaps even a 'real' future.
If you are already arguing and nearly breaking up over issues regarding his family, it can only get worse with cohabitation and/or marriage.

My advice is to really sit down and think about, then talk about what you truly want in your life and the life of your child.

SamuelsMommy June 13th, 2009 06:32 PM

Re: How to handle this?
 
Well, you know what you would be getting yourself into if you were to continue with a relationship. You can't ever expect them to change. You also have to think about your BF, if you're going to be difficult about them, or expect him to cut them out of his life when he doesn't want to, that's not fair to him. They are the only parents he will ever have. Does he have strong convictions about his faith as well? You really need to step back and evaluate your compatibility.

Zukin June 14th, 2009 03:07 PM

Re: How to handle this?
 
I don't travel in this forum much, but I do from time to time. I would like to say that if you refuse to have kids with him because of his parents' then you're just leading him on. What if he wants kids? Are you going to tell him "sorry hunny, I'm afraid of your parents' we can't"

I would NEVER do that to my DH. I say sit back like everyone has told you, and think what you want out of this relationship. I would talk to him as well, and tell him how you feel -- even with the kid thought -- that way you both can talk about it.

But I don't foresee this relationship working down the road with what you wrote up there.

I wish you luck though.

~Lyn~ June 14th, 2009 04:38 PM

Re: How to handle this?
 
If you love this guy, then whatever craziness his family does, while may cause issues and fights, shouldn't affect your overall relationship and shouldn't affect your wanting children with him. My Parents in Law were not real overjoyed with us getting married and didn't even tell either of us congrats at all. We had fights for a long time. If you plan to try and continue a relationship with this man, I would say that I agree it would be good to sit down together and really consider what either of you would really be getting into. It might even be a good idea for the both of you to see a family therapist if you can. I would at least have the talk with the guy before making a decision.

sweetiez June 15th, 2009 03:11 AM

Re: How to handle this?
 
Thanks for the advice!. We have talked about this alot. Its not like i dont ever want kids with him. We are both young and kids are not number one on our minds. We want to finish school and start our career. Aside on that his mom was surprisingly being really nice. She has done that before. But i do like her better then his dad. Honestly pretty much no one in his family likes his dad so its not very surprising. I know exactly what im getting into because ive dealt with this for so long already. I love my SO alot . So i think his family espically his mom realized how much we really care about each other . she even had a dream about us getting married! which was insane.. but she told me she missed me and hollyann..
im really hoping this was just a start..its hard for her to let go of her son.. so hopefully she is starting to accept it....


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