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Jules_loves_beaches May 10th, 2013 08:33 AM

Pains of a working mama
 
So I have been a wreck all morning... this morning Ember's school was hosting a mother's day tea from 9-1030. I very much wanted to go and planned on it, but on Wednesday I got assigned a case that is going to trial in a week, so I have to be at the office to get things in order.

After I got to work, I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to be there and how Ember might be the only other baby without a mommy or grandmother there. It has made me so sad just thinking about it. I was able to pick up all the mother's day gifts they made, I got a necklace with Ember's fingerprint on it, a picture frame with an adorable picture of Ember all dressed up and a vase with Ember's picture on it. I have the picture up in my office and just looking at Ember makes me cry now. I just want to go hold her and kiss her.

DH keeps telling me that a lot of other moms work and there would be a lot of other babies without moms there, but still I just feel horrible. Not only is it my first mother's day, I had to chose work over an event with my daughter. I guess this is just another one of those horrible feelings I will have because I work.

mojomama May 10th, 2013 09:23 AM

Re: Pains of a working mama
 
That's so hard. I don't work anymore, but when I did, I constantly felt like I was having to miss things and choose work over my daughter... And the feeling was not actually mitigated by the fact that I was single and if I didn't work, the rent didn't get paid. One year (my oldest was two), I missed Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. It was awful.
No advice, just big hugs.

Jules_loves_beaches May 10th, 2013 11:13 AM

Re: Pains of a working mama
 
I hate the feeling that I am "choosing" work over family. Its such a horrible feeling, but I guess it will never go away.

mommysc2 May 10th, 2013 11:25 AM

Re: Pains of a working mama
 
I worked when DD1 was young. I was able to take an early/late lunch to go to short events at her school. I also took off for class trips, holidays and any events that took more than a few hours. Maybe you can get the school schedule and try to plan your work around it so you still appear as most of these events. Just a though. I am sure it was very hard for you.

joellejello May 10th, 2013 12:28 PM

Re: Pains of a working mama
 
Being a working mom is so hard sometimes. When I get home and Taylor's a cranky hot mess and Sean is a needy whiney 2 year old, then DH tells me they were perfectly happy and well behaved all day it really gets to me. I miss all the fun times and get to deal with the witching hour only.

swaddlestar May 10th, 2013 12:53 PM

Re: Pains of a working mama
 
I know how you feel. They had an end of the year event at my daughters kindergarten class today and I took vacation time to have the morning off with her. It was beautiful. They sang What a Wonderful World by Louie Armstrong...I think every parent in there was sobbing!

But there are more things next week that she's already asking if I'm going to be at and it breaks my heart to tell her no, mommy can only ask for so many days off:(. It's so hard and no one can make it better or justify it for you... it's just one of those sucky things about life.

beamermarie May 10th, 2013 01:57 PM

Re: Pains of a working mama
 
I feel this! My husband and I are active duty military, so we miss a lot of stuff. He'll be gone for EIGHT MONTHS this year. Just gone, in another country. I don't deploy, so that is a blessing. My boss is VERY Flexible and I can usually get out of work for an hour or two if I need to be there for something. But, it is stil horrible. I get home later than my husband, so he gets the good mood, and I get just about an hour before she goes to bed. And that the hour I need to cook dinner, get out of uniform, transfer all my pumped milk from my work storage containers, clean my pumping parts, etc. I'm always multitasking and never focused on her. I get up about 3 hours before I have to be at work so I can nurse her, hang out with her, get ready for work, and nurse her one more time, but I'm still multitasking... trying to shower, get ready for the day, etc.

Then, on the weekends, it's groceries, laundry, homework (Working on my Master's Degree), and any social events so that I can still keep a few adult friends.

Add to that the fact that being military means we live in a city with ZERO family nearby...

I feel guilty ALL the time!

Xtapolapocet May 11th, 2013 05:32 AM

Re: Pains of a working mama
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by beamermarie (Post 27355309)
I feel this! My husband and I are active duty military, so we miss a lot of stuff. He'll be gone for EIGHT MONTHS this year. Just gone, in another country. I don't deploy, so that is a blessing. My boss is VERY Flexible and I can usually get out of work for an hour or two if I need to be there for something. But, it is stil horrible. I get home later than my husband, so he gets the good mood, and I get just about an hour before she goes to bed. And that the hour I need to cook dinner, get out of uniform, transfer all my pumped milk from my work storage containers, clean my pumping parts, etc. I'm always multitasking and never focused on her. I get up about 3 hours before I have to be at work so I can nurse her, hang out with her, get ready for work, and nurse her one more time, but I'm still multitasking... trying to shower, get ready for the day, etc.

Then, on the weekends, it's groceries, laundry, homework (Working on my Master's Degree), and any social events so that I can still keep a few adult friends.

Add to that the fact that being military means we live in a city with ZERO family nearby...

I feel guilty ALL the time!

I want to thank you and your husband for your service to our country. God bless and keep you both safe!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jules_loves_beaches (Post 27354442)
So I have been a wreck all morning... this morning Ember's school was hosting a mother's day tea from 9-1030. I very much wanted to go and planned on it, but on Wednesday I got assigned a case that is going to trial in a week, so I have to be at the office to get things in order.

After I got to work, I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to be there and how Ember might be the only other baby without a mommy or grandmother there. It has made me so sad just thinking about it. I was able to pick up all the mother's day gifts they made, I got a necklace with Ember's fingerprint on it, a picture frame with an adorable picture of Ember all dressed up and a vase with Ember's picture on it. I have the picture up in my office and just looking at Ember makes me cry now. I just want to go hold her and kiss her.

DH keeps telling me that a lot of other moms work and there would be a lot of other babies without moms there, but still I just feel horrible. Not only is it my first mother's day, I had to chose work over an event with my daughter. I guess this is just another one of those horrible feelings I will have because I work.

What type of work do you do? Is it a position that requires you to be there to do all of the prep-work for the case? Do you have a legal assistant that could help compile information for you?

Before I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I was a cop. I used to miss holiday's, birthday's, anniversaries and my hubby (a Deputy Sheriff) and I didn't even get to go on our honeymoon because we both were required to work the very next day after we got married. They are just things you have to be willing to sacrifice to serve. I know what you mean by it sucking to have to go to work over family, but depending on the job - sometimes we have no choice. You shouldn't beat yourself up over something you cannot control. Your husband is right about there being lots of mommies who won't be able to make it that day. There are some who simply aren't allowed off of work and/or their job is one that doesn't provide days off or comp time off for those few hours of the day. My heart breaks for you, I wouldn't want to be in your position. One girl I worked with when she got pregnant she left the job despite having already half her time in on the department, but her hubby remained a cop for the city; she couldn't handle not being with her daughter or something happening to her in the line of duty and leaving her daughter. I know my husband has expressed to me that he struggles leaving the house each night for the job, but there is no other option. The only thing I am required to do now is keep him updated with photos/videos and any new 'things' David is up to :) . It's hard on both of us and I know Father's Day he will be very sad to leave the house, probably more than he is on a typical day on duty. It just makes it tough for parents who have to work. So please try to cut yourself some slack in the guilt department, you don't deserve to beat yourself up and ruin the day. You'll be able to spend the rest of your 1st Mother's Day with her....maybe your hubby can take you ALL out for a lovely dinner or something else you may enjoy when you get home. I hope you have an awesome Mother's Day in spite of being in the office during the school event. :hug:


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