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4hearts February 3rd, 2013 09:08 AM

Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
Yea, I composed an entire whiny post in Secret Garden about why I've decided not to have one and cried my little eyes out and then deleted the whole thing.

In a nutshell, my friendships are strained bc of ppl being so self absorbed and I feel like it will end up being this huge inconvenience and I don't want it to end up being a "pity-party" literally. "Poor Rochelle never got a babyshower, lets give her one so she'll shut-up". That there is for the birds. It's not worth it. There are really complicated circumstances involved and I could write a novel so I'll leave it at that.

I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has decided to forgo the shower and do something else instead be it a "meet baby party" or whatever.

DS and DD2's bdays are late August and I could wait until then and throw a big bday bash/meet the baby thing and invite all the fam. But seriously, I'd like to keep my friends and family separate merely bc my head spins with too many ppl near me.

So, I was also thinking of having a separate kids-only party for friends and not family.

MamaSkunk February 3rd, 2013 10:10 AM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
oh hun hugs! I never got a babyshower with DD so i am insisting on one now especially since I have NO boy stuff. I say do what you want to heck with what others think.

Joanne Nicole February 3rd, 2013 11:25 AM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
I'm having a bit of a pity-party for myself when it comes to the baby shower. I want one, but I don't have any friends here, and I live with the only other people I'd invite. So there's really no point. I wish someone would offer to throw one for me - especially since we have absolutely NO baby stuff and it's going to cost a fortune. But no one has offered. Also, I kind of just want the attention - a day all about me, where everyone fawns over me because I'm pregnant. I think we deserve that day! So I do understand how you're feeling. Hang in there.

PurpleStar February 3rd, 2013 11:38 AM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
I'm across the ocean from my family and can't take time off of work to fly home for a baby shower, so we'll be doing a "welcome to the world" shower when we visit in Sept.

We'll be putting on the party ourselves probably at my mom or grandma's house and not expecting anyone to host/pay it for us. We also we be putting a "no gift necessary" type thing on the invite - its important to me that people don't think I'm doing this to get stuff out of it for my baby. I really want it to be time for all my family to come meet & get to know my LO. It'll be a while before i can go back home again, so I want my baby to soak up the time of being spoiled & fussed over by her family!! =)

Def agree and do whatever works best for you...no need to add stress to your life!

pamela.burke611 February 3rd, 2013 11:41 AM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
I never got one with my daughter, as I was supposed to have a meet the baby party. Personally I think I didn't get a baby shower because my boyfriend's mother/family didn't believe my daughter was my boyfriend's. (some true Maury stuff except she's not bad at all...) I was even asked to do a paternity test with her 6 days after baby was born.. yep and the DNA tester said she was the youngest they'd ever tested and I've never been so mortified.. Anyway.. that's a whole other book.. the point is I never even got a meet the baby party.. but I mean my boyfriend's family did buy a lot of my daughter's things and my parents bought some things so it was alright.. I just really wanted a day about my daughter.. now that I am pregnant again I really want one but I don't know if I will get one. 99.9% of my "friends" left when I got pregnant with my daughter and all I really have are some of my family and bf's family.. he doesn't communicate with many people anymore either.. so.. ya.. I wanted to have a baby shower and incorporate my daughter in it but I really don't think anyone will throw me one and I would feel like an absolute loser "pity party" throwing one for myself... ughhhh so ya I know how you feel xx

Kim3 February 3rd, 2013 11:52 AM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
Ok - I am the odd one. This is my third child. We just found out she is a girl. I suspect some people at work will want to throw something small. The thing is that I am one of the bosses. I adore my office workers. It is just that I prefer to purchase gifts than to receive. I feel odd at age 39 and this number three. I suppose it sounds odd that I am hoping not to have one. I do love to go for other people though.

TeresaV February 3rd, 2013 12:45 PM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
My SIL is throwing my shower for me. She just asked me this morning to get a list of invites together. Ummm.....hmmmmm......

I have a couple of friends, but I don't like inviting mere "acquaintances" because I hate to feel like people have to buy a gift for someone they don't have a close relationship with. So, I think we're going to have a very small Jack and Jill get together, minus all of the "traditional" shower games. I just want to have my close friends (most of my family is out of state) nearby to celebrate with me.

zkat February 3rd, 2013 01:05 PM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
Kimberly, I am the same way. This is #2 and B is only 2 yrs old and both are boys. I am a regional manager, so only the VP and Partner above me. My equal is the one that hosted my last shower and I prefer my employees save their money.

4hearts February 3rd, 2013 01:28 PM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of having a bday party/meet baby thing 2 months after baby with family only and then a separate low-key kids bday thing the following weekend at a park for kids friends.


I care nothing about gifts. We have all we need other than maybe some cloth diaper stuff. I'll keep my registry in case someone asks my mom if we need anything in particular once baby is born but I doubt that will happen. I like the "all family at once thing" instead of them trickling in set by set for weekends after baby is born.. It's stressful to deal with so many separate visits. They might as well wait until baby is starting to get bigger and less newborn looking and also celebrate 2 of our kids bdays as well. The all live in Florida but one set of my Aunt/Uncle live 8 hrs away. The others live 7, 5, and 4 hrs away. Then I have an Aunt/Cousin who live here. Hopefully my ILs will never visit ever again in their lives and I will NOT tell them of this party bc that would suck more than you can even imagine bc MIL is bat-S#$t crazy, yea, I said it.

I wasn't expecting anyone to throw me one, I just know that the friends group I have available in this area are probably going to act annoyed at having to even come to a shower. I'm very sensitive and I would be consumed with the bad vibes and have an awful time. That's the part that bothers me. Somehow the shower would become about the group dynamic and not about me (for once) and I just can't take it. *taking out my tiniest violin to play for myself* Life goes on.

navywifey2003 February 3rd, 2013 01:33 PM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
I had a very small one with David when I lived in WA. Katelynn I didnt have anything so when we lived by family when I was pregnant with Everett I was looking forward to having a shower with family and friends. But my cousin scheduled a birthday party the same day. I was so hurt. My invites had already been sent out but hers had not and people were saying they couldn't come because of the birthday party. My mom and friend called emailed everyone to change the date to the day before. People still did not come. My feelings were so hurt. Especially because when a shower was thrown for my 16 year old sister everyone came. I'm still a bit bitter about the whole thing. :(

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4hearts (Post 27049052)
The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of having a bday party/meet baby thing 2 months after baby with family only and then a separate low-key kids bday thing the following weekend at a park for kids friends.


I care nothing about gifts. We have all we need other than maybe some cloth diaper stuff. I'll keep my registry in case someone asks my mom if we need anything in particular once baby is born but I doubt that will happen. I like the "all family at once thing" instead of them trickling in set by set for weekends after baby is born.. It's stressful to deal with so many separate visits. They might as well wait until baby is starting to get bigger and less newborn looking and also celebrate 2 of our kids bdays as well. The all live in Florida but one set of my Aunt/Uncle live 8 hrs away. The others live 7, 5, and 4 hrs away. Then I have an Aunt/Cousin who live here. Hopefully my ILs will never visit ever again in their lives and I will NOT tell them of this party bc that would suck more than you can even imagine bc MIL is bat-S#$t crazy, yea, I said it.

I wasn't expecting anyone to throw me one, I just know that the friends group I have available in this area are probably going to act annoyed at having to even come to a shower. I'm very sensitive and I would be consumed with the bad vibes and have an awful time. That's the part that bothers me. Somehow the shower would become about the group dynamic and not about me (for once) and I just can't take it. *taking out my tiniest violin to play for myself* Life goes on.

I know exactly how you feel! It hurts! I cared nothing about gifts either I just wanted to celebrate with family and friends our baby!

Mrs_lynn.c February 3rd, 2013 01:37 PM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
I have never had a baby shower so im.not sure I will have one this time either.

Kalynas_Mom February 3rd, 2013 01:47 PM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
Sorry your feeling this way about a shower. I think your plan of two get together afterwards sound great. I had two baby showers with DD but both were complete surprises and I had no idea they were happening until I walked into them. It was okay but I don't expect the same thing to happen again this time.....although with my mom you never know

8miraclez February 3rd, 2013 07:16 PM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
No shower. With my first, I ended up in the hospital a week before she was born so a few people just brought gifts over. It's not "the thing" to have one here other than for a first baby.
I think a meet the baby party sounds fun. I wish I knew more people and I'd have a big party whenever the baby came home.

Gen88 February 3rd, 2013 07:42 PM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
I threw my own baby shower for DS, I hate expecting things from people since it can lead to disappointment. I'm throwing my own again this time. No one has offered to throw me one and I wouldn't want to put that burden on someone since it can get pricey. I am getting help from my best friend and MiL but I'm definitely not the type to wait around for someone to offer lol I say do what makes you happy, if its a big deal for someone to throw you one or out of the kindness of their heart then they're not real friends.

phantomsgrl11 February 3rd, 2013 08:28 PM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
It's not normal to have one here either unless its the first or there is a big age gap between the kids. That being said - to never have one is just so sad to me. I like the idea of a meet the baby type thing though.

Were you very young with your first? A lot of younger kids do not know to throw a shower and typically your maid of honor and bridesmaids (in my area that is) host the baby shower as well too.

I say do what makes you feel comfortable and what makes you happy. It is much easier to throw a party for the baby then it would be to throw a shower because its always easier to throw a party for someone else than it is to throw one for yourself. If that makes sense at all. LOL

MrsLat February 4th, 2013 02:22 PM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
I won't be having one because it is my third... but I am kind of a loner and don't really have many friends so I don't know who I would even invite. There is my own little pity party going on in my head for that one!

But I think a meet the baby party idea would be fun for you to do! I am not planning on doing one at this point but I do think it is a cute idea :)

4hearts February 4th, 2013 03:48 PM

Re: Anyone else canceling baby shower?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by phantomsgrl11 (Post 27050303)

Were you very young with your first? A lot of younger kids do not know to throw a shower and typically your maid of honor and bridesmaids (in my area that is) host the baby shower as well too.

Yes, I was only 20 y/o and my mom offered to throw me one and I was too cool for that then. Then when I brought up kinda wanting one for my third child, she acted weird so I dropped it.

DH and I eloped so I never had any kind of shower, period. Sucks but it is what it is.


I still haven't talked to DH about this whole idea. Hopefully he's a sport about it.
Thanks for all the responses. I'm really sorry to those of you who've been in the same boat. We should all get together and have our own pity-shower, LOL.


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