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-   -   I have been super quiet.. LONG update (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f1882-june-2013-playroom/2648549-i-have-been-super-quiet-long-update.html)

pamela.burke611 May 6th, 2013 11:32 AM

I have been super quiet.. LONG update
 
Hey everyone!!!!!

I have been so quiet for weeks now and I swear I have been meaning to catch up with posting.. like I have so much to say, but at the same time I don't know what to say.. do you know what I mean? I am sorry and I am ready to jump back in! I have to admit I am more active on facebook and super active on my phone and I read here every single day; it's just that I've sort of been in one of those weird states. There are so many things to catch up on, I don't know where to begin!

I feel really anxious about another baby coming, but at the same time I am excited. So much to do and no time? Like I have everything, but I don't feel ready. I don't want my daughter, Chloe, to feel pushed to the side. I have been really feeling bad about that and how Chloe will feel. I am also just anxious in general about the baby.. I remember when Chloe was born I did not sleep at all for months! I was so scared that she would pass away while I was sleeping. (My brother had a SIDS baby a year before I had Chloe and I lived with my parents at the time and so did his wife and the baby while my brother finished college and so I experienced it firsthand and saw the trauma it put my sister-in-law through.. and I had no kids at the time so I couldn't really understand that pain even though it was the most traumatic thing ever! The pictures in my head torture me from that night.. now that I have a child that pain would eat me alive!!!!! I am surprised she isn't in a mental institution because I feel I would be. They have a daughter, another son after baby passed, and now she is pregnant again bless her heart)

So, anyway, I would have really unwanted thoughts in my head and just overall feel so scared and weepy and just not okay in general. I have those thoughts even still and they are getting stronger and stronger the closer I get to having Logan.. so now not only am I paranoid about Chloe, but I am starting to fear for Logan too and getting into crazy mama bear mode and preparing never to sleep for months again! It's like a crazy adrenaline pumping through my veins and yet also an overwhelming sadness too?? I can't really explain it. I am so excited for him to come and I am so anxious at the same time.

Chloe's 4th birthday was on April 30. It was really fun and kind of emotional... my baby is growing up... then I had my 33 week appointment last Thursday on May 2. Everything with baby Logan is fine. His heartbeat was in the 140s, he was a "good sized baby" my Dr. said, and she ordered an ultrasound to see how he was positioned; He was breech. Seeing him on the ultrasound was great. He has gotten so big and he looks so much like my daughter in her ultrasounds! I didn't see a 3D one on him like I have her so seeing him in person will be a surprise but he is so cute and I didn't even think to ask how many pounds he was showing to be! Darn it! So now I am on to 2 week appointments with my next on being on May 16! We are getting so close!!

But I am so huge, as big as a house.. and that makes me depressed. I already way more and am larger than on the day I gave birth to Chloe. I can't even look in mirrors without breaking down.. my boyfriend doesn't seem attracted to me and says I am cute and that he can't wait till I have the baby though so that I go back to myself.. well what if I don't? What if he never thinks I am sexy again? I really look so bad, I can't wait to work on it after baby comes. I even said he didn't have to cut the cord this time and can stay by my head and have my mom cut it because, he said he was so grossed out cutting it with Chloe and he was so sick watching the baby come out of me... I don't want him feeling grossed out by me! I don't mean to make him sound bad at all, some men don't handle childbirth well.

Anyway, I am having a lot of discomfort and braxton hicks and physically I feel really horrible. Emotionally my moods are anxious and kind of sad but I keep them to myself I am pretty good at not taking them out on people this pregnancy. Do any of you feel labor slowly coming on? Chloe was born at 39 weeks 1 day so I am not really concerned about Logan coming early but I guess I shouldn't jynx that haha I want him to be in there at least to full term :) What about subsequent babies for you all though? Did they come early or late? and labor time? I am still working full-time and some overtime (Last week I worked 72 hours) and I wanna work until I give birth like I did with Chloe.. I am exhausted but the show must go on!

I have so much more to say and so many topics on my mind but my daughter is badgering me to put my makeup on and take her bye bye LOL so I guess that's my curtain call. I am happy to be back <3

MrsLat May 6th, 2013 02:00 PM

Re: I have been super quiet.. LONG update
 
Good to hear from you! First off, I am glad that baby is doing well. Hopefully he gets turned around from breech before delivery!

I can relate on feeling insecure. I feel enormous too, and I am excited to meet my baby and get my body back. I am definitely a lot bigger this time around than I have been before and it has been difficult to swallow sometimes. You should see the amount of stretch marks I have, its nuts. I can't look without tearing up a little :( But just hang in there. We are almost done and its worth it all at the end of the day, right?

Hopefully you get a chance to be a little more active on the board. I am feeling like labor isn't too far off for me as well. I have been having a lot of cramping. I am dialated to 1cm and 50% effaced. Hopefully I will have made a little more progress by next week's appt.

Good to hear from you!!

pamela.burke611 May 6th, 2013 05:50 PM

Re: I have been super quiet.. LONG update
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Valerie.June2013 (Post 27343573)
Good to hear from you! First off, I am glad that baby is doing well. Hopefully he gets turned around from breech before delivery!

I can relate on feeling insecure. I feel enormous too, and I am excited to meet my baby and get my body back. I am definitely a lot bigger this time around than I have been before and it has been difficult to swallow sometimes. You should see the amount of stretch marks I have, its nuts. I can't look without tearing up a little :( But just hang in there. We are almost done and its worth it all at the end of the day, right?

Hopefully you get a chance to be a little more active on the board. I am feeling like labor isn't too far off for me as well. I have been having a lot of cramping. I am dialated to 1cm and 50% effaced. Hopefully I will have made a little more progress by next week's appt.

Good to hear from you!!

Thank you so much for your kind response. I hope I can be more active too. I feel like I have missed so much though even though I read here every day! I can't believe you're already progressing!! How exciting! I hope everything goes smoothly for you at your next appointment. It sounds like you are coming to the end of the road :)

navywifey2003 May 6th, 2013 06:02 PM

Re: I have been super quiet.. LONG update
 
I am measuring 4 weeks ahead, but Payson is measuring normal sized. Huge hugs hun I know its easy to feel self-conscious but you look beautiful and you are so close to meeting your sweet boy. I am insecure about becoming a mommy to 4, especially with the way my daughter is sometimes. Huge hugs hun!

Steph625 May 7th, 2013 06:34 AM

Re: I have been super quiet.. LONG update
 
So glad to hear from ya!
First, you are beautiful! I saw your Facebook pics of Chloe's bday party and you are NOT bigger than a house. You are one adorable pregnant momma! But, it's hard to believe what others say, I know. I feel the same way as you. I'm measuring 10cm bigger today than the day I delivered my daughter. I guess it's just these boys!!! I feel enormous too.

Second,I think you have normal concerns regarding Chloe and not wanting to push her aside. The good thing is, if you have these concerns, then you already know you will make that extra effort to show her love. So I highly doubt she will get shoved to the side. I haven't known you long but from what I've learned...you have tons of love to share!

Don't let your boyfriends comments bring you down about yourself. Some guys...most men, can NOT filter their words. Or they just don't realize how hormonal we are.

I'm very glad to see you around on the board!!!

pamela.burke611 May 7th, 2013 09:44 AM

Re: I have been super quiet.. LONG update
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Steph625 (Post 27345265)
So glad to hear from ya!
First, you are beautiful! I saw your Facebook pics of Chloe's bday party and you are NOT bigger than a house. You are one adorable pregnant momma! But, it's hard to believe what others say, I know. I feel the same way as you. I'm measuring 10cm bigger today than the day I delivered my daughter. I guess it's just these boys!!! I feel enormous too.

Second,I think you have normal concerns regarding Chloe and not wanting to push her aside. The good thing is, if you have these concerns, then you already know you will make that extra effort to show her love. So I highly doubt she will get shoved to the side. I haven't known you long but from what I've learned...you have tons of love to share!

Don't let your boyfriends comments bring you down about yourself. Some guys...most men, can NOT filter their words. Or they just don't realize how hormonal we are.

I'm very glad to see you around on the board!!!

Thank you for your reply! I am glad I am not the only one on being bigger this time than last. I just feel so sick and big and it's hard to get around these days. I was only in one of the videos from Chloe's birthday in the yellow shirt. The pictures posted have my boyfriend, his sister, and his mom really.. but thanks honey in person though I am HUGE.. not just in my tummy but all over it's a huge difference so it's quite sad for me. I just wanna feel like myself again.

I will definitely make sure to show equal attention and love to Chloe and Logan. I just hope I do a good job and that I can include Chloe as much as possible and that she transitions into this nicely. I am just nervous about it because she just turned 4 and she is sooooo attached to me and demanding of my attention right now. Anyway, I am glad to hear from you! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by navywifey2003 (Post 27344250)
I am measuring 4 weeks ahead, but Payson is measuring normal sized. Huge hugs hun I know its easy to feel self-conscious but you look beautiful and you are so close to meeting your sweet boy. I am insecure about becoming a mommy to 4, especially with the way my daughter is sometimes. Huge hugs hun!

Thank you for your support hun. It's good to know I am not alone in my fears xx


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