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-   -   A Happy Update!! -- The criticism just never ends! (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f75-large-families/2651090-happy-update-criticism-just-never-ends.html)

aln030482 May 16th, 2013 02:42 PM

A Happy Update!! -- The criticism just never ends!
 
I'm currently seeing a group of 4 OB's for my pregnancy & it is mandatory to see all 4 at least once so that they are familiar with how things are going. The issue I'm having is that one of the doctors is beyond ignorant & everytime I come into his office he starts grilling me about why I chose to have this many children, how do I afford them, that my health is at risk, & the number one thing I hear at EVERY appointment is if I'm done, if I'm getting my tube cut, & of course, the endless list as to why I should.... Ughh!! I'm so beyond frustrated but I've been hesitant in changing groups because they've been there for all of my previous pregnancies.

So I've got to ask... did/do any of you ever experience this? Should I decide to change OB's, should I expect this type of treatment every place I go?

Thanks in advance girls for your opinions & advice!

wishing May 16th, 2013 03:04 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
I would just tell that person that you have heard their advice and that you are not interested in having your tubes cut (if you are not) and that you do not want anymore discussion. If he doesnt stop I would make a complaint to the collage of physicians

AmiraX4 May 16th, 2013 03:30 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
Maybe remind him of how he makes his money!! if women didnt have babies they wouldnt be making very much money! ;)

Also, I would let someone know and if your not comfortable with him and those rude remarks then let them know you will not be seeing him anymore.

If things dont change for you, its still early enough in your pregnancy that I dont think you would have a problem finding another doctor. Although I totally understand you wanting to stay with the same group. KUP on how it turns out for you.

UrbanMomma May 16th, 2013 04:00 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
I would absolutely tell HIM that I do not approve of his commentary regarding MY family and it is NONE of his business if I am done or how they are "afforded" unless, of course, he cares to contribute monetarily to the well being of the family. I would also let him know that IF and WHEN MY HUSBAND AND I decide we want to take a permanent measure to limit OUR family we would consult the proper physician.

Then I would start looking for another OB or midwife to continue my care with.

mom2many2010 May 16th, 2013 04:09 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
I agree with the others that you just need to be firm with him.

I can see where he might ask the first time. I think I would get asked that at the first appointment, but if it continued after I made my wishes known I wouldn't be happy. Are you close with any of the doctors? Maybe go to them and express how you feel.

Indymommy7 May 16th, 2013 04:18 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
Girl, I could have almost wrote this word for word about two years ago! The doctor had see me through two prior pregnancies and I didn't want to leave but his pressure about my family size and tubal ligation got to be way too much and I left.

Of course the doctor I went to after him wasn't tons better, but not nearly as aggravating.

Good luck.

Farmers-wife May 16th, 2013 08:20 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
My ob tells me at each birth "see you next year". You need to be firm and tell him to can it. You need to standup for your self or ignore it and not let it bother you.

I love my ob.

LABs May 16th, 2013 09:37 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
This is "only" your seventh! What business is it of his? I'd talk to the OB you want to see about this rude behavior. I'd honestly change practices if you are made to see or listen to him again.

Its your life and your choice to have children! That choice doesn't change if its your first or seventeenth! He is being paid for services to help bring a healthy baby into the world! That's it!

I've got my OB telling me I have time to have several more and a MIL who is constantly telling me to have more. I'm so done after these babies! Twins mean you are done right?

HippieLove May 17th, 2013 04:27 AM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
Ahh how frustrating!! Could you change OB's?

~mommy~ May 17th, 2013 06:51 AM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
I go to a practice like that. My point would be, what if that physician is the one on call when it's time for baby to be born? Would you be comfortable if this one assisted your delivery?

aln030482 May 17th, 2013 08:03 AM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
Thanks for your advice & support girls!!! I truly appreciate it.

To be honest, there have been days I really think that this should be our last & then there are days I'm not so sure. When my mom was alive, I used to ask her all the time how she knew she was done growing her family & her reply was that you just know.... that you just reach that point & nobody can make the decision for you. Getting my tube cut is such a permanent decision that I'm just not ready to make, if anyone can relate?? After the comments started flying during my 4th pregnancy, I went to the one OB in the group whom I am closer with & I told him that maybe the other OB was right & that it was time to get my tube cut during delivery. His reply-- he said he wouldn't recommend it because he could 'just see it in my face' that it would be a decision I'd regret.... & many years later, I see that he was right.

Anyway, the pressure I'm feeling from my curent OB practice is beyond disgusting & irritating. As comfortable as I am with 3 of the 4 doctors in the practice, I really feel it's time to change practices. Surely they all can't be this uncaring!

Momtothe6thpower May 17th, 2013 03:29 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
I'd would complain about him. Do the other OB's really want someone like that in their practice. Tell them that you are seriously considering leaving because of his comments and because you do not want him to delivery your baby no matter how slim the chance.

Contact the hospital he works for as well. I know of two hospitals that I've delivered at that say it is against policy to promote tubal's or v's. One nurse told me that they consider it bad for business, lol!

Iluvmybabies* May 17th, 2013 10:16 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
I would definitely complain that is not right!!!!

I get sever hyperemesis with all my babies and am on medication and my doctor(has been for 9 years)says nothing about my choice to have many babies I even expect him too but he respects me and gives me the care I need without the guilt

clouise May 18th, 2013 01:14 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
I think you need to look him right in the eye and say "Your questions and comments about my personal life are making me uncomfortable."

There can of course be health risks with pregnancies, but I think it's clear by asking how you afford your children that his not his actual concern. If he doesn't lay off I would look for a new practice.

aln030482 May 18th, 2013 03:55 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
Clouise, we had comments since our 4th, but they really got intense during the 5th when I started going into prelabor @ 26 weeks. I must've been in Labor & Delivery once every two weeks getting contractions stopped. He actually told me in Labor & Delivery sometime around the 32nd week, while the nurse was in checking on me, that if I were 35 weeks along he'd already deliver me because he's tired of this. I waw 3cm dilated by 34 weeks & went into labor on my own again at 37 weeks exactly when the other OB did a repeat c-section

At first I noticed that he would only make these comments when my husband wasn't with me, so with our last pregnancy, I insisted DH go whenever we were scheduled to see this OB. If my DH couldn't go with me, I'd reschedule. Anyways, it was during the end of my last pregnancy that I had DH go with me & the OB made the comments to both of us. My DH usually the calm & reserved one, did comment back... which is when the OB said that if we don't get our tube cut or my DH doesn't get a vasectomy that we he doesn't think he's able to see us for another pregnancy because we are putting his practice at risk.

Because the other OB group we've considering doesn't do any type of u/s, pregnancy confirmation, etc. until the 12th week & since we needed our pregnancy confirmed for insurance reasons asap, we returned to the original OB group. Now considering I'm only a few days away from the 12th week, we've been strongly considering changing groups.

clouise May 18th, 2013 04:46 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
My doctor was the opposite. He was sweet as pie to me, but when my dh came in he gave him an earful about not having anymore. I did have complications...so it wasn't JUST that it was my fourth. I all but forced him to look at photos of my older three and bragged about how healthy, smart, and adorable they were. Can't say too much to that, lol.

aln030482 May 18th, 2013 06:35 PM

Re: The criticism just never ends!
 
After all of your advie (greatly appreciated btw!!!), speaking with some personal friends about their experiences with the group I'm currently seeing, speaking to our current children's prediatrician about his OB recommendations, & speaking with my DH, we've decided to definitely change groups.

Btw, our pediatrician was amazingly supportive & excited for us... he told us that he was hoping we'd have another one because it'll help finance his family trip abroad in a few years.... lol Gosh I love his humor!!

We aren't sure what to expect & are a little nervous, but our first appointment is this coming Monday, May 20th. :)

LABs May 21st, 2013 04:12 PM

Re: A Happy Update!! -- The criticism just never ends!
 
I hope you really like the new group and they treat you with respect! Our Pediatrician was excited too. I think they enjoy seeing well taken care of children!

MIL2lissy8 May 21st, 2013 05:31 PM

Re: A Happy Update!! -- The criticism just never ends!
 
sooo....how did the appt turn out?

aln030482 May 22nd, 2013 06:29 AM

Re: A Happy Update!! -- The criticism just never ends!
 
I went in for my first appt., was all ready for the nurse to come in, & it had to be rescheduled. We go back Monday, June 3rd. I did get to sign papers to transfer records, etc., which is fabulous. The only thing I don't specifically care for though is that they won't do another u/s until 20 weeks. I mentioned that my previous OB was uncertain whether he saw one or two heartbeats & that I wanted the NTS (nuchal translucency sonogram) because we aren't certain of DH's family history due to him being adopted, but they said that they normally don't do that. They are willing to do an amniocentesis per my request; however, I declined. So, as of now it's either go to my last appt. with the previous OB on May 28th for both the NTS & confirmation of how many or wait until 20 weeks.


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