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LuckyCharm March 31st, 2014 01:05 AM

Questions for you big family moms
 
Hello,

My name is Camille and I currently only have 2 children, a 4 months old daughter and a 26 months old son. My boyfriend would like to have at least another child but I am not sure about what I'm feeling like. I never pictured my life with more than 2, but the idea of extending our family is growing on me.
To help me with my reflections, I guess I need to know more about bigger families. So here are a few questions I have and i hope they don't sound too invasive.

1. Have you always hoped for a large family or did that desire come later after having children? Was it a tough decision for you?
2. What do you enjoy the most about having a large family?
3. What do you find is the hardest?
4. What kind of car do you drive?
5. Do your kids share bedroom? How is that working out?
6. Do any of you work? SAHM, WAHM or WOHM?

Thanks ladies, I'm looking forward to read all your answers and eventually join you!

cybele March 31st, 2014 03:51 AM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
Hi Camille, I'm Cybele. I have 5 kids who range in age from 6-19.

1. Neither, it wasn't planned. We planned our first two, then my poor pill taking skills brought three more along. So it really wasn't a case of a decision made.

2. Always having people around.

3. The same thing. It's a two sided coin for me. There is always someone to talk to (especially that most of mine are older) or to do something with, but if you want to wash your hands, chances are someone is using that bathroom sink already. I want a cup of tea and someone else is using the kettle

.4. '92 jeep with a bunch of dickie seats in the back. I rarely have all kids in the car at once, especially now that one has her own car

.5. Not really. My kids have their own rooms but my DD19's partner lives with us and they share a room, and DS17's friend stays with us most of the time (in a nutshell, any time his Dad has had too much to drink and he doesn't feel safe at home, which is becoming more often than not) and they share a room when he is here. It works for them because it's a partner and a close friend, so it's not really the same as a sibling relationship.

6. I work. I'm a bridal florist. I work mon-wed and then do wedding set ups on weekends.


Good luck with your decision.

HalfDozen March 31st, 2014 07:56 AM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
My name is Christine. I have 5 ranging in age from 17 to just under a year, and I am currently pregnant with my 6th.


1. Have you always hoped for a large family or did that desire come later after having children? Was it a tough decision for you? We always wanted 3. I have 3 sisters, though so when we decided to have the 4th, that felt right. Well, 5 & 6 are what they are....And I'm happy. I do think we'll stop at 6, but then again, I thought that after 4. ;) There is also a big age gap between 3 & 4 (9 1/2 years) so it's like we have 2 sets of 3, and I'm a big fan of the number 3. :)

2. What do you enjoy the most about having a large family? The constant craziness and watching the kids together.
3. What do you find is the hardest? The constant craziness, never getting a minute alone, and the money.
4. What kind of car do you drive? A minivan, but I need to get something different because we won't all fit in mine since it only seats 7.
5. Do your kids share bedroom? How is that working out? My #2 & #4 share, and they get along great. I don't know where we're putting #5 when #6 comes.
6. Do any of you work? SAHM, WAHM or WOHM? I kind of do a little bit of everything. I work at home doing some things to help someone else. I also work 2 days a month at home for my "regular" job and and 2 days a month in the office. And the rest of the time, I'm just home with my kids. I am currently looking for a full-time job.


Farmers-wife March 31st, 2014 08:04 AM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
Hi and welcome. Congrats on your new baby! You are in a good place with that spacing. My favorite gaps are 22 months. I have 9, with various spacing from 3years to 16 months. My kids are 18-2 now.

1. #1 was a surprise. We got married and lived happily ever after. I never wanted any kids. But after her, I couldn't wait to have another. After #2 I couldn't imagine being done, not even half way. We found it easier to have babies every couple years than to decide on or implement birth control.


2. It is just fun and rewarding. I don't know how else to describe it. They are amazing people and I get to love them, take care of them, spend time with them.


3. I don't know. There are many little things that can get on my nerves, but there is nothing I can point to and say "I hate this aspect".


4. We have 3 vehicles. A 12 passenger van, a small ford fiesta, and a pick up truck. We use the fiesta most, as I usually don't need to take more than 3 or 4 kids anywhere at any one time. But the van gets used a few times a week.


5. Everyone shares. I have 4 boys in one room (2 sets of bunk beds), 5 girls in one room (2 sets of bunk beds, the youngest 2 share a bed), dh and me in the last room. My oldest is leaving for college in the fall, so it will allow the youngest to get her own bed!


6. I do not work. We are a homeschooling family, so my primary job is teaching the kids, running the house, etc. we are very traditional, so it is pretty simple. If I had to point to one thing back to 3, it's that money is always tight. Mostly because I don't have a paying job. If I had only 2 or 3 kids, I still wouldn't work.


Now, can I ask you a few questions? These are personal and invasive, but I figure that's how we learn from each other. I'm not judging you or criticizing your life choices, I would just like to try and understand you better.


1. I'm 43. When I got pregnant "accidentally" before we got married,we got married. I knew I wanted to be with dh for the rest of my life, so I wasn't settling or making the best of it. Why have you chosen to not get married? Did you plan to have the first one? Do you plan to be with your Bf for the rest of your life?


2. Do you plan to have a career or would you rather be a sahm? I truly feel like being home makes it easier to have a bunch of kids. I don't know how working moms do it.


Again, not judging you, just curious.

#5in2005 March 31st, 2014 08:53 AM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
1. We always wanted to have a big-ish family, 4 for sure, maybe 5. There's never really been a question as to having more, our family felt complete.

2. It's fun having a big family! The kids always have companions. And there's lot of great life skills learned from being part of a big family....sharing, taking turns, working together, all those kinds of good things.


3. I don't know what's hardest, I'm thinking you face the same challenges as parents with fewer kids, except you have a bit more laundry.


4. I drive a Toyota sienna that seats 8.


5. My kids each have their own room. I think it's fine for them to share, but we have the space. It is nice to have each of them have their own closet.


6. I cut hair out of my house and I do the books for my husbands trucking business. But that's both very part time and I"m in control of the schedule.

mom2many2010 March 31st, 2014 10:07 AM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
1. Have you always hoped for a large family or did that desire come later after having children? Was it a tough decision for you?

I always wanted 3-4, when we had 4 (2 that I didn't give birth to). I knew I wanted the experience again. So we had #5, but he is 8 1/2 years younger then then youngest of the older bunch. We wanted him to have a sibling closer in age so we had #6, and figured we were done, while we were trying to prevent, we weren't really trying very hard so #7 came along. We were trying pretty actively to prevent but #8 was pretty determines. That was the only pregnancy I was truly pissed at having to do all over again, but wouldn't change it for the world cause she is a spit fire and a hell of a lot of fun!

2. What do you enjoy the most about having a large family?


My kids are super close for the most part, so there is always someone to entertain another, get togethers are fun, we are pretty much our own walking party.



3. What do you find is the hardest?


The only drawback is when one get's sick.....it can go through the house like wildfire and a bunch of sick kids sucks. Everything else is really trying when you're talking about a lot of kids and a lot of personalities, but those very things are what also make it a lot of fun so they balance each other out in the end.



4. What kind of car do you drive?


We have a Chevy Suburban that seats 8, we have a Ford Taurus, and a pick-up. My one older girl that still lives at home also has a little beater car. We just drive whichever one meets our needs when we are headed out.



5. Do your kids share bedroom? How is that working out?


When all 8 kids lived at home, we had 2 girls in one room, 2 boys in another room and the 4 little ones shared a room, sorda, I co-sleep so I've always at least 2 sleep with me.


Now I have the 20 year old DD, and the 10 year old DD sharing a room, but my 20 year old is only here on the weekends, she lives with her sister when she's in school. Then I have my 22 year old son sharing with my 12 year old son, but my oldest boy spends a lot of time with his grandma where he has his own room. He will never leave home due to special needs, so he rotates around so he can have a little freedom. That leaves my younger two in a room.


Once my 20 year old leaves I'll put the boys together and the girls together and give my oldest his own room.


It's worked out fine for the most part.




6. Do any of you work? SAHM, WAHM or WOHM?

I'm a SAHM, it's what my husband and I feel is best for the kids.

LuckyCharm March 31st, 2014 11:50 AM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Farmers-wife (Post 28023114)

Now, can I ask you a few questions? These are personal and invasive, but I figure that's how we learn from each other. I'm not judging you or criticizing your life choices, I would just like to try and understand you better.


1. I'm 43. When I got pregnant "accidentally" before we got married,we got married. I knew I wanted to be with dh for the rest of my life, so I wasn't settling or making the best of it. Why have you chosen to not get married? Did you plan to have the first one? Do you plan to be with your Bf for the rest of your life?


2. Do you plan to have a career or would you rather be a sahm? I truly feel like being home makes it easier to have a bunch of kids. I don't know how working moms do it.


Again, not judging you, just curious.

Hi farmers-wife,
Thanks for your input, I really enjoy reading about others' families.Here are my answers for you:

1. I'm 29, turning 30 this summer. Bf is 33. Both ds and dd were planned. We do plan on being together forever, we love each other very much and never got into a fight! We did not get married yet because we are not religious and decided to use our savings to buy a house instead. That being said, we are probably going to get married this summer but nobody knows it, not even our families. It's just safer for every member of the family if we are married.

2. This is a hard question! It's the question i ask myself everyday! I don't know what i want. I love my job, i have a master degree In economics and a second one on the way in business intelligence and would love to work in my field. However, i think it would be too chaotic to work and have more children. Plus i want to be there and help them do homework, and be available for them anytime they need me, cook them healthy meals, etc. financially, it would be possible with some lifestyle changes here and there...

As you can see, i still have a lot of thinking to do and this is why i enjoy reading about everybody's family.

Farmers-wife March 31st, 2014 12:08 PM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
Yes, definitely go cheap on the wedding. We didn't spend a lot and we are just as married, more married than some people whose weddings I went to at the same time!

I can see the difficulty in making a decision about working. I hated my job, didn't care one bit about leaving and loved the idea of being a homeschool mom, and it has worked extremely happily for us. I do have good friends who are able to work from home, keeping involved with their fields until the kids are older.


You sound like a smart cookie. I'm sure you will figure it out together and have a wonderful life. But go ahead and have a few more babies. You won't regret having them. I'm done, I'm pretty sure. The clock has run out. But I could get a job and work 30 more years if I wanted to right now.

cybele March 31st, 2014 05:27 PM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
Agree on not going big on the wedding. Obviously, given my line of work I generally encourage big, fanciful weddings, preferably with large flower arrangements that costs large sums of money, but obviously I have an ulterior motive there. But, exactly as FW said, more money spent doesn't make you more married (but then I'm one of those people who honestly doesn't believe that a piece of papers doesn't always make you more married then someone who is legally married, it's all about your relationship and what it entails, really).

The job thing, you have to work out what your needs are. I would lose my mind if I were a stay at home mother, you would find me hanging upside down from the ceiling, completely frazzled, muttering something about butter. But that's my personality, I'm not the stay at home mother type, others aren't the working type. Any combination of children + work + no work + work at home + homeschooling + not homeschooling + who knows what else can be possible, but of course that depends on you, your personality, your partner, who is around, the services available around you, finances and so on. It's different for everyone.

ashj_1218 April 9th, 2014 08:10 PM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
I'm just a lurker. I've enjoyed reading this thread because some of it touches on questions I have myself. We are currently planning our "last planned" baby (#4)...but I am finding myself wondering if I want more than that, after all. It seems like a really tough decision, I've been wandering in a bit to see more about how the ladies in here feel about big families and what issues/concerns I might be facing. Since all of ours must be planned (blood clotting issue that requires treatment to sustain pregnancy), it feels like a huge decision to make. Thanks for asking the question and thanks for the answers ladies. Hope you don't mind if I continue to lurk for a while. :)

Farmers-wife April 9th, 2014 08:46 PM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
You are welcome to lurk all you want. If you are sure you want #4, great. Don't worry about #5 yet. When 4 gets to an age that you start wanting another, go for it. Don't worry about it yet, it doesn't have to be decided today. We just always wanted one more.

AlyssaMyahJulian April 10th, 2014 08:45 AM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by LuckyCharm (Post 28022920)
Hello,

My name is Camille and I currently only have 2 children, a 4 months old daughter and a 26 months old son. My boyfriend would like to have at least another child but I am not sure about what I'm feeling like. I never pictured my life with more than 2, but the idea of extending our family is growing on me.
To help me with my reflections, I guess I need to know more about bigger families. So here are a few questions I have and i hope they don't sound too invasive.

1. Have you always hoped for a large family or did that desire come later after having children? Was it a tough decision for you?
2. What do you enjoy the most about having a large family?
3. What do you find is the hardest?
4. What kind of car do you drive?
5. Do your kids share bedroom? How is that working out?
6. Do any of you work? SAHM, WAHM or WOHM?

Thanks ladies, I'm looking forward to read all your answers and eventually join you!


From my 20's I suppose I wanted to have a larger family...not so much when I was younger.

There are alot of things I enjoy. I like that my kids always have someone to play with. Everyone always helps out that is the only way our house runs.

Hardest would be the chaos...sometimes my house is chaos...and since we homeschool I tend to not really get breaks.

I drive a ford expedition...it seats 8.

My girs share a bedroom age 13 and 11....the oldest girl is married and living in another state.

My boys are supposed to share..age 11 and 4..but my little still likes to sleep with me. I am pregnant and this baby will likey share our room for a long time and the 4 year old will likely go share with my 11 year old boy. We do have a room downstairs that could be a bedroom..someday..

I am a sahm and we homeschool.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HalfDozen (Post 28023107)
My name is Christine. I have 5 ranging in age from 17 to just under a year, and I am currently pregnant with my 6th.


1. Have you always hoped for a large family or did that desire come later after having children? Was it a tough decision for you? We always wanted 3. I have 3 sisters, though so when we decided to have the 4th, that felt right. Well, 5 & 6 are what they are....And I'm happy. I do think we'll stop at 6, but then again, I thought that after 4. ;) There is also a big age gap between 3 & 4 (9 1/2 years) so it's like we have 2 sets of 3, and I'm a big fan of the number 3. :)

2. What do you enjoy the most about having a large family? The constant craziness and watching the kids together.
3. What do you find is the hardest? The constant craziness, never getting a minute alone, and the money.
4. What kind of car do you drive? A minivan, but I need to get something different because we won't all fit in mine since it only seats 7.
5. Do your kids share bedroom? How is that working out? My #2 & #4 share, and they get along great. I don't know where we're putting #5 when #6 comes.
6. Do any of you work? SAHM, WAHM or WOHM? I kind of do a little bit of everything. I work at home doing some things to help someone else. I also work 2 days a month at home for my "regular" job and and 2 days a month in the office. And the rest of the time, I'm just home with my kids. I am currently looking for a full-time job.


My expedition seats 8....but is alot harder on gas than my minivan..which stinks since I live in the middle of nowhere!

LuckyCharm April 10th, 2014 08:50 PM

Re: Questions for you big family moms
 
Thank you ladies for sharing all this information with me. I still have time to think about enlarging our family since dd is not even 5 months old although something is telling me that we won't stop at 2! ;)


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