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-   -   I need some advice if you have any to offer... (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f302-lgbt-mommies-and-mommies-to/2583893-i-need-some-advice-if-you-have-any-to-offer.html)

BelloFiglioLA October 12th, 2012 09:23 AM

I need some advice if you have any to offer...
 
My younger sister is a lesbian. She told me back in April because she knew that I would be the one person who doesn't care at all. She kinda avoided the entire family for awhile and my Mom came to me to ask what was going on. I told my parents, and let my sister know right away that I did. 6 months later, my sister still has not told them herself. Sooo... Yesterday was "National Coming out Day" and I think this entire week is "coming out week" I was hanging out with my sister and my BFF last night and we were trying to convince her that it was a good time. She can't avoid it forever. Perfect day right? She FINALLY got the courage to call my Mom. My Mom said she already knew, wanted to know why she waited so long to say anything, blah blah blah. Not really a reaction my sister was looking for, she was a little bit hurt that my Mom changed the subject to something else. My mom told her said had to call our Dad and brother. She called our brother. He said we (him and his family) still love you, we support you know matter what, it doesn't change anything in our eyes. She was so happy to hear that from him. So she got the courage to call our Dad. (Personality wise, I thought he would have been most understanding out of the 3 people she called) He went cold. It was the most awkward silence. She asked if he wanted to say anything and all he said was "I don't have anything to say" Not an "I love you" or anything. I love my Dad but I never expected him to act like that. I feel so hurt for her. I pushed because I truly believe it's not a big deal and I want her to be happy and live a normal life. I asked if she was okay and she said "No, I waited so long to tell him because my worst fear was getting a reaction exactly like that"

So what should I do now? Keep in it and stick up for my sister and talk to my Dad. He should know how hurt she is. Or do I stay out of it all together and let them work it out? I feel so bad that I pushed her into doing it. I honestly did not think he would react like that at all. Any advice for either of us would be nice. She's not doing so well today!

Gray Sea October 13th, 2012 04:58 PM

Re: I need some advice if you have any to offer...
 
I think you should of let her tell your parents on her own time. Telling your mom yourself, to me, was a bad choice. You're sisters, so I know your sister understood why you did it.
But their reactions are sadly, normal. Sometimes it's hard for a parent to understand, and they'll even blame themselves in having done 'something bad' whilst raising their children.
Your parents need time to process this, and your sister needs time to heal.
I think for the time being, let it be.
Everyone needs to gather their feelings, and hopefully are able to think about it. Are your parents religious? Conservative?
I know nothing of their background...but, hopefully they'll set your sister's sexuality aside, and realize that it's their daughter. She's still herself. And with time, they'll be there for her with open arms.
What you have to do, tho, is be there for your sister. She needs you more than ever right now. Hug her, tell her you love her. Tell her she's not different.
I hope I am not harsh.
Also, I'm not always good at being easy on people...I'm blunt and speak honestly.
I hope your sis is able to gain your parent's affection soon.
Please don't take it the wrong way.
We are here for you, and your sister.
Also, the girls in here always give way better advice than me. Just give it time, we're not always in here.

Gaby&Emmy'sMama October 14th, 2012 02:50 PM

Re: I need some advice if you have any to offer...
 
I would just be there for her as much as you can. Chances are that as time passes, your dad will come to terms with it... it was obviously a bit of a shock to him. I hate that people get negative reactions when they come out, becuase it is not an easy thing to do! I'm so glad your brother responded positively!


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