Hi.. Need help!
Im not sure if this is the right board to post this and if it isn't im very sorry.
I need help. I have a 12 yr old stepdaughter that we are having a lot of trouble with. We REALLY believe she has ODD which is occupational defiant disorder. Now from what I read with rarely accompanied by itself and usually has ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc.
I was wondering how you deal with this ? we are at our end of our ropes ( we have full custody of her ) and I don't know how much me or my husband can take. Im pregnant, we have a 20 month old son, he is seeing all this destructive behavior, and she has hit me twice so far.. There is so much more to this story that take to much to type but if u want to know more to help more, i will explain more.
she has been in counselling for the last 2 yrs and she is referred to psychriatry which is a 1.5 yr waitlist here where I live. I don't think I can wait that long.
Re: Hi.. Need help!
First off I really don't believe in ODD. I feel it's a I give up diagnoses.
Is hospitalization an option for her if she's a risk to herself or others? Have her write in a daily journal and you write in a journal about her behavior. Bring that with you the first time she's a threat to her self or others. let them Diagnose her don't bring up ODD unless they do. It may be easier to have her inpatient so she can be evaluated, stabilize, therapy can be establish not just for her but individual for each of you and family therapy. It'll also give you a rest.
Can your primary care doctor help with trying a mood stabilizer, anti-depressants, something up until the appointment. Try to see if you can get into another place even if you have to travel because the appointments are usually at most 1x a month. How is she in school? Is she or can she get into a therapeutic school setting?
I may be able to help you more if you give more information. I was that kid. I am bipolar I with psychotic symptoms, ED-nos, anxiety and OCD. I'm a former alcoholic, drug addict and got clean at 17.I started drinking @ 9, drugs @ 12 and was sleeping around at 13. I isolated my family and friends but felt they left me out or hated me. We had and I saw several knock down drag out fights because my sibling also has bipolar 1. I watched as she push one car into another. then pushed both through the garage and into the house. I felt every car ride was a trick to get me to the pych. ward.
I've only asked for help 3x in my life. The first 2 where ignored, the last I was old enough to get it myself. I've done some horrible things but am only now realizing how it has effected my loved ones. Other times my husband has made me get help and med non-compliance has always been my downfall.
I want to take the time to say that even with all my untreated issues I was still a good mom after the year of adjustment where my husband took all responsibility for our child. I have a great relationship with my DH. I may not be as accomplished as others but having a "normal" life with a family even w/o the 9-5 is more then I ever dreamt for myself.
I will be erasing this after you respond.
Re: Hi.. Need help!
hugs ODD is a real diagnosis and a tough one to treat from my understanding. Is there a way to cirumvent the 1.5 year waiting period. Sorry but that's ridiculous when someone needs help. If she had cancer would she have to wait 1/5 years to see an oncologist? (not your fault. the system just bugs me) But could you when she is at her worst, get her to an emergency room or hospital? Perhaps if she is seen by a dr while at her worst, they will remove the waiting period.
Re: Hi.. Need help!
Wow, I feel horrble for u.
As an Early Childhood Educator, I know for a fact that these types of children are very attention seeking. For one, when there is a baby in the house (20 months), and one on the way too, that will really add on to her outbursts. They will try whatever it takes to get some kinda attention, weather it is negative or positive attention. There is sometimes jelousy there too, they feel like: here is this baby that they love more than me, or mommy has a baby in her tummy and this baby will take my place. And that is whu she is prob lashing out.
However to hit you? Absolutely not okay, that is agression and it needs to be adressed imediately. I am wondering, when she hits u, is there any consequences? And if there is, what is it? Make sure that for positive behavior, u do let her know that her action was nice, thoughful and etc....and for negatice behavior, u shoudl be very consistan with it. Never let anything slide. Children are very smart and they fully learn to take advantage of situations.
Take away things she enjoys doing, take away her tv, her outside time, etc....
I would liek to know more if u wanna offer more scenarios.
Good luck, but I hope this prob gets addressed before baby is here, cuz it will get worse.
Oh, one more thing, spend quality time with her, and only her. Maybe one day dad can take her somewhere she enjoys going to, and make sure converstaion and interests are only about her....no talking about the pregnancy, or her 20month sibling. Give her on-on-one time and attention and see if she imoproves. You as the mom, do the same. Maybe, take hr to the nail salon and get pedicures together, try it, I wanna see how it turns out!
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