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-   -   New Grandma ~ Happy But Sad (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f28-mommy-lounge/239493-new-grandma-happy-but-sad.html)

honeybear_sdo June 28th, 2006 08:14 PM

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I became a grandma for the 1st time last week. A beautiful baby boy!!! Having a few anxieties over the whole thing though. My son and his wife live here in town just a few blocks away with "her" parents. I have never been able to have a relationship with my DIL no matter what I have tried. She is her momma's pride and joy and a total momma's girl, even now that she married. Her mother is very controlling and my son deals well with the situation so I try not to make waves. Any ways, how do I have a relationship with my gs. He is a week old and I have seen him 3 times. I have got to hold him each time, but he has been asleep. Today my heart broke when after telling ds I was coming over after work to see my GS, I showed up and my DIL yell across the house "it's your mom" and took off with gs to the other room. When he came to the door he said it would be awhile because she was nursing. I said, "it's just gma", he said he knew but I could wait. I felt myself getting upset so I told him I was tired from work and would go on home. I want so bad to be part of his life. I find myself being a little jealous of the other gma because she get's so much time with him. Any advice???? I am not a meddling MIL and don't want to stir up trouble. DS knows of my concerns and tells me not too worry, but I see lots of reasons to worry.

T&Ts mom June 28th, 2006 08:56 PM

First of all CONGRADS on YOUR new grandbaby !!!
All I can say is just keep on trying..Never just give up and go away..
Im very close with my daughter and see my grandson all the time where as her mil doesnt and complains but then she makes no true effort which does not fly with my dd. And when my dd has tried to have her sit or just hangout she is always to busy..ugh its just a hard situation and a flipside to yours...
But I do know new mommies are very possisive and my dd was very clingy to me.
I know its hard on you and even hurtful and totally unfair but try to remain patient and hopefully she will see how genuine you are.
And I would say lucky to have a mil that cares !!!
Good luck
Shelly

honeybear_sdo June 29th, 2006 04:12 PM

Quote:

First of all CONGRADS on YOUR new grandbaby !!!
All I can say is just keep on trying..Never just give up and go away..
Im very close with my daughter and see my grandson all the time where as her mil doesnt and complains but then she makes no true effort which does not fly with my dd. And when my dd has tried to have her sit or just hangout she is always to busy..ugh its just a hard situation and a flipside to yours...
But I do know new mommies are very possisive and my dd was very clingy to me.
I know its hard on you and even hurtful and totally unfair but try to remain patient and hopefully she will see how genuine you are.
And I would say lucky to have a mil that cares !!!
Good luck
Shelly[/b]

Thank you Shelly for your reply. It's good to hear the flipside of situations. I am by no means going to give up, this is my gs and I have already fell in love with him. I am off from work tomorrow and plan on getting some time in with him. I am going to call mom later and see if we can work something out for tomorrow. I will make every effort I can.
It would be really nice to hear from paternal and maternal grandmas while I work through all this.

T&Ts mom June 29th, 2006 05:35 PM

Have a wonderful visit :smile:

bebe-v-j July 3rd, 2006 07:04 AM

I'm replying as a DIL. During the first week after having my baby I didn't want for anyone to come over - honestly. It wasn't anything against the people it was just that I was so exhausted & it seems as if no one cares about you anymore - it's all about the baby. Make a conscious effort to ask your DIL how she is feeling (but don't go into detail asking her about how many stitches she got etc. - just say I know you must be exhausted, is there anything I can do to help?) My Mom came and stayed with me for 2 weeks after I had the baby (she lives out os state) and honestly it was wonderful. She did everything around the house and I just took care of the baby. She only took her when I needed to sleep. As time goes on and your Son, DIL & baby get into more of a routine it will be easier. Schedule your visits when it is convenient for them or have them call you once the baby is done eating so you can come over for a little while and play. I hope that this helps...I know it must be hard for you to not get to see your grandson as often as you'd like right now but in time it will all get better & before you know it you'll be having him spend the night & taking him out on "Grandma & Me" trips!

ETA: My MIL & I get along great & I love her to death. In fact, she watches the baby all the time now during the day for a few hours...

Chunky Monkey July 5th, 2006 11:45 AM

I am also replying as a DIL from a different aspect. My MIL has always been there for us. I have never tried to keep my DH or DS from her at all. I have always encouraged her to spend time with them. I do know though when there is a new baby, the mother does get protective of the baby, especially in infancy. I didn't want a lot of people coming over or going a lot of places with the kids.
I see the way my DH's SIL is. She lives 4 blocks from my IL's but would rather walk 10 blocks to HER parents house instead. Holidays HER family gets to spend all day with the kids and by the time they come to my DH's family's house, the kids are cranky and then she whisks them right home. It hurts my in-laws so much for that to happen. My BIL just lets everything go.

I can see her point initially but just try to make sure it doesn't stay that way. If you notice you spending less and less time with your GS, bring it up to her in a nice way that you want to spend more time with him.

Congrats on becoming a grandma!

honeybear_sdo July 14th, 2006 09:18 AM

[b] Sory I haven't replied back, I lost my link to this site and had to search for it. I FOUND IT!!! :cheer:

I am averaging seeing my GS about 3 times a week. I go to the other gma's house for about 45 minutes to an hour each time to see him. They have yet to bring him to my house (going to approach that subject soon, trying not to rock the boat). He is now 3 weeks old and I got to feed him for my 1st time a few days ago. It sounds so simple but I was on cloud 9 all day. I do let them know a day a head of time when I am coming by and I call an hour or so before I go over there. I am determined to be part of his life without being pushy and interfereing. Some times it breaks my heart the way DIL is. I take pictures when I am over there about once a week and some times I feel like that irritates her, but she has yet to offer me any pics that they have taken. Everything is really all about her *DIL* and her family. BUT I am determined to be his grandma also.

T&Ts mom July 16th, 2006 03:50 AM

well good for you
and you even got too feed him wonderful !!!
:cheer:

Belle September 4th, 2006 11:35 AM

I'm a DIL who loves and adores both my own mother and my MIL!! They are two absalutely beautiful women and I know without a doubt that when my 3 month old son is with either one of them, he is nothing less than 100% safe and completely cared for and doted on!!

Currently I am home alone with my two teens, (whom I have from a previous marriage), and DH and our 3 month old son that he and I have together are at his Mom's house, spending 5 days there.

I miss my son and my DH...but it's giving me time to 'regroup' and to spend some 'quality time' with my teens that I don't normally get to do when our little man is around! I truly appreciate the time 'off' and I know that my MIL is in heaven at having so much time with her gs.

My Mom spent almost 3 weeks here when our son was born; and in that time my MIL also came over and my Mom stepped quietly aside to give the other Grandma time alone with our littest one.

I say don't give up!! Continue to work on your relationship with your DIL as this is definitely the key as well.

Belle.


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