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-   -   Up in the air about having a doula (http://www.justmommies.com/forums/f257-natural-childbirth/1350026-up-air-about-having-doula.html)

snlemon December 12th, 2008 06:51 AM

Okay I know that sounds kind of silly but it seems like birth is such an intimate thing, when I think of that role being filled I think of someone like my mom or my best friend not a random person I met. I asked my mom to come for the birth and be there...but my mom still has young children and I don't know if she'll be able to, in fact I kind of doubt she'll be able to...but I kind of cringe at the thought of having a stranger fill that role. I looked up some doulas in my area and they seem really nice and all....but I don't know...

What do you guys think? I know most everyone is pro doula on here...and I like the idea of one...but I just don't know. I do know that it will increase my chances of having a NCB and that I'll prb need all the help I can get considering I'm in for a hospital birth and most likely an on call OB (since my midwife's son is graduating the three days over my due date. lol.).

Someone help me. :confused:

moon~maiden December 12th, 2008 07:46 AM

of course it's your choice. In my case, my doula saved me from total insanity. We got to know her well, we took our childbirth ed classes with her in her home. She wasn't a stranger at all to us by the birth. And she knew exactly what to do when my back spasms were too much to handle. Our nurse was awful. I concentrated 100% on my doula. The midwife only showed up for the pushing. And it ended up being the one of the 4 I never met before.

So to me, our doula was the one caretaker that wasn't a stranger. My husband was great, but he has never been through labor before, he isn't trained in supporting someone in birth. It's a whole different thing.

just my opinion!

DoulaMama December 12th, 2008 08:25 AM

Your doula won't be a stranger when you give birth though- you'll have opportunities before (plenty) to get to know and trust her. You'll have meet with her multiple times, and had lots of opportunity for phone and email support.

Maybe you could just talk to a few on the phone- you may decide you really do want to meet with one, and then you can meet, then you can have a few days to solidify in your mind if you want to have her attend your birth.

Also- you can make sure you have a doula who won't mind giving you privacy if you decide you want it. I would talk about it with her when you meet, and you may decide you want to have there there. You can decide later- you don't need to feel pressured. I would make sure the doula has at least 2 meeting with you (after the consult), and that you have unlim. phone and email support. You may also benefit from a doula who teached childbirth ed. Some will even do private classes, which gives you a great chance to really get to know her better.

I'm personally would not give birth without a doula- especially if I were in the hospital. It's just too hard to have the birth you want there- without the right support.

ShaunaB December 12th, 2008 10:54 AM

I think sometimes if the person is too close to you like your mom, they might not be as objective like you would want in a doula. They would hate to see you in pain and might not continue to be encouraging for NCB. On the other hand, if you really would rather have someone close to you act as your doula/birth support, perhaps a close friend who would stick to your NCB desires and preferably has them herself.

mgm78 December 12th, 2008 11:23 AM

I am unsure about having a doula. Part of me thinks DH will not be able to be a good support at the birth, although he says he will be. I am going to wait and see how our birthing classes in the spring goes and then ask him again. At the birth center there will be a midwife and a nurse, so it will not be just me. It's definitely something on my mind.

DoulaMama December 12th, 2008 12:11 PM

another thing to thinkabout (from those with midwives) is that she may not be there all the time for a multitude of reasons, and durring late labor and pushing she is all about the more medical side of things- checking baby, etc.

IMO as a doula at a home or BC birth I'm the most valuable in early labor, durring pregnancy and then durring pushing/after birth. And I've never felt redundant, even with a midwife and 2 birth assistants. I am always doing vastly different things then they are.

mgm78 December 12th, 2008 01:00 PM

Cheryl- i will talk to my midwife on the 22nd about a doula and go from there. I think I will need a post partum doula as i do not have any help here, though a girlfriend will stay with me for a few days (DH is never a good help, i can hope for him to come around when baby is born, but i am not going to hold my breath!). Are there doulas who assist at birth and then provide services post partum?

AshleyMarie December 12th, 2008 01:07 PM

I agree with Shauna. If you don't feel comfortable, do you have a friend and family member who has the same NCB points of view that you do? We can't afford a doula, but I am going to have my best friend there and she and I have almost exactly the same views when it comes to NCB, so I know that besides having a midwife there who knows my birth plan, that she will make sure that I get the birth that I want.

DoulaMama December 12th, 2008 01:53 PM

Quote:

Cheryl- i will talk to my midwife on the 22nd about a doula and go from there. I think I will need a post partum doula as i do not have any help here, though a girlfriend will stay with me for a few days (DH is never a good help, i can hope for him to come around when baby is born, but i am not going to hold my breath!). Are there doulas who assist at birth and then provide services post partum?[/b]
yep- loads. I do both birth and PP doula work.

I think it's especially nice to have the same person for both, that way you have a real continuity of care, and a lot of trust built up.

Many birth doulas may also offer PP work if you request it, but may not advertise it.

LadyLuck December 12th, 2008 05:03 PM

Quote:

I think sometimes if the person is too close to you like your mom, they might not be as objective like you would want in a doula. They would hate to see you in pain and might not continue to be encouraging for NCB. On the other hand, if you really would rather have someone close to you act as your doula/birth support, perhaps a close friend who would stick to your NCB desires and preferably has them herself.[/b]
I totally agree w/ this and that's why, although I want my mom to be there for support, she will not be my ONLY support (DH will be deployed when I give birth). I don't want to have to lean on my mom for EVERYTHING. And I also don't think she would be capable of that b/c in her eyes, I'm still her little girl and I know if I asked for an epi, she'd support it just so my pain would go away, kwim? Some husbands might be the same way. I think you can never go wrong w/ a doula and all the support they offer. And you can always meet a few and see who you feel the most comfortable w/, you're not obligated to hire the first one you meet.

The Purple Butterfly December 12th, 2008 06:24 PM

I was tossed about the idea too Sarah. I think I have decided to have one. I plan to call her after the holidays. I think it's worth it esp since this is your first! :D

scatney December 12th, 2008 06:41 PM

I felt the same way at my last birth. I ended up not hiring one. All I can say is that I wish I had. My MW was super busy and I just didn't have the one on one support I needed. This time we went into it knowing we would have someone. I haven't delivered yet but I can tell you that just knowing she'll be there just to help me, really puts my mind at ease.

moon~maiden December 13th, 2008 08:51 AM

yes, as soon as I met my Doula for the first time, there was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt so much more confidant too.


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